Confused...

[theoneandonly0708]

There's this guy I'm currently friends with that I've always had feelings for. Of course, they're not as strong as they were when we first became friends last year. At the time, I had thought he was straight, but he definitely had some tendencies and was very "touchy-feely," so to speak.

It wasn't until about this time last year that he ended up telling me he was bisexual and that he was into me. However, he said he "wanted" me and kind of "liked" me. He wanted to to do "stuff" in his vocabulary, and I agreed, but it never actually happened and he seemed to kind of wimp out of it and stopped talking to me. He also stopped talking to me after he found out I was gay (this was around October-November 2006.

Over this entire time, he has had multiple girlfriends, and we had been "on and off" in terms of being friends. I blame this particularly on this lack of maturity seeing as he did just turn 16, and I'm going to be turning 19.

Just recently, after yet another hiatus of us "not talking" he IM'd me and we started talking on the phone and hanging out. He has always had me bring him places and stuff since he can't drive just yet.

However, just last Friday, he wanted me to pick up his girlfriend and bring her to his house. He was practically begging me, saying he will do anything, and that he does really care about our friendship this time around and wants to be the best of a friend to me.

I did end up doing that for him, of course he came with me to pick her up. And he specifically told me he doesn't want me to think he's using me for everything he really does care about our friendship. He called me multiple times that day up until I did that favor for him. And now, I haven't spoken to him at all since then. He did message me and say that he was going to be "mad bored" this weekend and that we should hang out and that I should call him. I did, but he didn't pick up. According to his away message, he was "partying."

He is also constantly going between girlfriends like no other. I don't like him as much as I used to, but it doesn't mean my feelings are completely gone for him. I'm constantly labeled as a "sucker" for him because I keep giving in to what he says. I can't help it.

I really want to know if I'll ever have a chance with him, but I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. And by chance I mean, even if it's a couple years from now when he matures more and what not. I don't know, this is confusing. I say it doesn't bother me that he hasn't talked to me since that "favor," but it does. I don't know what to do with him.

[pianoguy]

Your friend sounds clingy, indecisive, and manipulative. I would run away. He sounds like he may possibly be bi-curious, but he sure isn't comfortable with himself, and until then you're just going to be something for him to experiment with. You need to look for somebody a bit more mature and confident in their sexuality.

 

Edit: I'm sorry, I didn't notice that your friend is only 16- this is fairly common at that age.

 

You should really start looking for somebody more your own age- you're going to have trouble finding anyone at that age that is mature enough to do more than experiment. Besides, there are some states where this is still illegal (states where the age of consent is 18, such as Arizona and some others)

[lukeb]

You'll find out that sex often plays a role in many friendships among gay men. Often two guys will have sex once or twice and simply become friends and never or rarely have sex again. Or they become friends first and at some point decide to take the plunge and have sex and perhaps go back to friendship, or become boyfriends. What also happens a lot is that one will have feelings for the other but the feelings aren't mutual. It is common that the one with the feelings will usually be more the giving person in the relationship. The nicest thing that one could say if the feelings aren't reciprocated is that you're worried sex will ruin the friendship. The actual truth being you're not interested, but since it is such a common belief the excuse works.

 

The point being, get used to a lot of these dynamics friendships among gay men. Some of these relationships are heart wrenching, c'est la vie. Look out for yourself but take some chances.

 

I'm with pianoguy with "friends" with a 16 yo, and there are feelings involved. Let him mature and figure things out on his own, without having to deal with you. I would say cut him loose.