how can she just "move" on

[thatboy_e]

it's only been one week since my girlfriend of two years broke up with me and it hasn't gotten any easier. whats killing me inside are the thoughts that go through my head. does she think about me? is she with other guys? why does it seem like she is doing so good without me? this was the same girl who wanted to marry me and have my kids. she had unconditional love for me and so did i for her. if she really loved me so much, then how can she just go about life without calling me. how can she break my heart, and then go about her life. i am only 22 and she is 20, but i feel like i lost the only love for me. these thoughts consume me all day every day.

[CustomX]

your not the only one man....im 21 and shes 22 we've been going out for almost 5 years. she met somone else now she said she doesnt think about me much anymore... i just dont get it we wanted to be married to and bam things just happen out of nowhere..i cant explain it. i wish god would tell me why this is happening.

[love2love]

I know how you feel, and believe me - age has nothing to do with it. I'm 28 and went through all of it. Wanting him, wondering how he could just move on while I was sitting at home crying my eyes out, which eventually turned into figuring out that he must not have loved me as much as I did him, and then also realizing that I was important to him he would have tried to reconcile like I did. The first two weeks were the hardest, and finally my pride kicked in and I decided I had to come to grips with the fact that it was over, and try to get my life back.

 

I know it's a cliche but it's true - time heals all wounds. I won't act like I don't think of him sometimes but it's been almost 4 months and I can't believe that I am doing so well. I thought I'd never get over this but I guess I'm stronger than I thought. I'm even going out on dates! (Some good, some not so good, but still...it's progress.)

 

Anyway, keep coming back to this forum and reading other people's stories. I hate to say this but you'll always find someone who had a worse breakup story that you did and that kind of helps to put things in perspective. That first two weeks I was on this site every 10 minutes (so glad I didn't get fired) and now I just check it periodically to keep myself in check. It really helps to hear how other people go through this time period. The links are good too.

 

Best of luck to you...you'll be fine, promise.

[dnsking]

all you guys had long lasting relationships and let me tell you the ex ALWAYS thinks about you. if you want to hear back from them all you have to do is use the no contact rule, sooner or later they will come back.

[charmed]

Hi Everyone !

 

About three years ago, I was asking myself the same question !

 

You see, when we break up, we do not act normal. We find ourselves alone, and we find that what we once thought was to be the future, is not so anymore.

 

When you really do break from someone, you have to move on, and some people must shut the other out completely.

 

Your ex surely needs to recover from this breakup - the same as everyone else on this planet. You should not be concentrating on how your ex is doing, but more how you are doing.

 

Do not try to understand what she is doing. It will not make any sense, and you will only be dragging this on. Move now, and get on with your life !!

 

Hope this helps you some,

[phantpwr]

My ex left me 2 months ago... I was a disaster the first 2 weeks... maybe a bit more.. really bad.. panic attacks.. crying so loud ... burrying my face in the pillow... then i got better.. but not all the time.. then I got angry... we kept in contact.. well let me say I called.. and emailed.. and txt messaged.. please dont do this.. it keeps them away.. my ex was very nice to me though.. said I love you but i think we are better off apart.. its the hardest thing in the world.. I really really love him...lately ive been bad again.. in alot a pain again I saw him at a club on saturday.. didnt like what I saw.. didnt like his friends.. they were weird to me.. it helped me a bit to get over.. but love sees beyond that.. and the next day I was right back missing and thinking all day long... Ive come to the point where I feel i cant do anything.. So I give up... and If we were ment to be together .. One day we will.. If not.. then I know the right person will come along.. but it hurts like hell.. and I would LOVE to know from the people that broke up with there ex.. If they think about the ex they broke it off with.. and how often

[elbandido]

I know how you all must feel. I too am going through this depression. I am 27 and she is 23. We were together for five years. Here's a piece that makes me think and makes me cry. I am not sure who wrote it (to whoever did, Thanks!), but someone who was going through pain gave it to me a few months ago. I hope it helps:

 

I've been on this site for almost four months now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

 

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

 

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

 

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

 

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

 

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

 

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

 

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

 

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, (this is from a different site) pay your money because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

 

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

 

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

 

Then you'll get serious about no contact. It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

 

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

 

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

 

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

 

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

 

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

 

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

 

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

 

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

[vertigo]

i know this is a very old post to be bumping right back to the top, but elbandido's reply has been so much use to me in the last few months that i thought it would be good for others to see it.

all the best to everyone going through this s***!

[bostonchiiiiica]

Um, elbandido's quoted post is awesome...

[LukeYLuke]

amen elbandido! everybody that comes tothis site should be able to read that post! and thatboy_e, believe it. i am in week 3 of the same as you. it has been hard every day, but knowing that all these amazing charecters are offering their advice when they are hurting to, shows that all of us have an inner strength that can be harnessed to pull us through. you WILL love again, and even if its not in the next week, month or year, you are the most important person now, look after yourself, develop yourself, be the person you want to be. and remember how many people are here to support you WHENEVER you need it.

 

a very big take care to everyone here

 

love you guys

 

Luke

[disEnchantid]

wow, I never saw that post--thanks for bringing it back to front & center!! I have been feeling a little bummed out lately and it definitely helped to read that

[TheRock]

Every so often, while reading posts on this site, I come accross a post that is truly inspiring and helpful. A post that reminds me of the inner strength that we all have hiding inside of ourselves. This post was one of them; it was great. Thanks elbandido. I am sure this post will help many people.

 

It also made me laugh at myself a little, which is a great way to heal.