Better off apart????

[phantpwr]

Hi, This is my first post.. ive come here for 2 months reading advise to help me out but I would like some feedback on my situation...

Ill make it short.

 

My Ex and I were together a yr. At first he was very very intrested and I was being cautious.. then the tables turned and I was in love very much ad did wonderfull things for him. this was the first time i was in love and felt love back.. We even went to Hawaii for vacation.. well not shortly after that he broke it off.. We never fought just bickered about not having out needs met.. Both at different times.. in the begineing he wasnt getting needs met, and in the end vice versa..

 

I have been trying for 2 months to get him to come back.. at first he was confused.. and said he missis me but doesnt know if its me or its a relationship.. .. the latest is that I do love you but I think we are better off apart.. I never got a reason and at this point im not going to ask. Im gonna leave it alone. cuase I feel he doesnt want me in his life..

 

my question is.. Now what.. I find it very hard to move on.. He is in my head 24/7 my friends have had it with hearing about him.. etc etc.. is he a comitmentphobe? will he come back in moths to come and say he made a mistake?? what does it mean to love me but think we are better off apart???

 

Hugs!!!!

-S

[butch_G]

hi phantpwr

i'll answer your Qs

is he a comitmentphobe? most likely, there are lots of them

will he come back in moths to come and say he made a mistake?? usually when people do something they'll sleep on it and feel like they have done a mistake

what does it mean to love me but think we are better off apart??? that 1 i can't answer. i have never accuatley seen it before. but a friend of a friend of mine loved this guy and went out with him once. she dumped him for a number of reasons but she does love him very much

 

and now i think that you just need to settle and just forget about him for a while

 

hope i helped

 

butch

[phantpwr]

Eeeeek! I just read back my post.. I was in a huge rush and did'ntt read it back.. Sorry for all the typos!!!!! Im sure you get the point though..

 

One thing i forgot to add.. He said "Ive been thinking about it for a while" Before he said " I love you, But I think we are better off apart"

 

Sooo.. who knows... I think he is a CP becuase his feelings changed the moment when he did'nt have to work for my attention....

 

Doesnt it suck that you have to end cold turkey a close bond/love for someone just becuase they make that desicion... I really hope I find love again

[idesofmarch]

Hi,

I went through the same thing. To make a long story short, He chased me relentlessly and then when he finally realized I loved him and would be there for him, he changed. He said, I love you but I can't make you happy. Finally, I said...whatever...you weren't right for me afterall. Then I stopped contact. He then continued to email me and couldn't figure out why I wouldn't have anything more to do with him. I think in his twisted mind, he thought I would be there for him no matter what because I loved him. I think he wanted to keep that door open for whatever reason. He emailed me a month later and still wanted contact with me. He told me I was the love of his life and he didn't want to lose contact with me. I said, how could you throw away the love of your life? No, I don't want contact with you. After everything he had put me through, I wasn't about to go down that road again. By saying No to him, I liberated myself from him and was able to accept that I'm ready to move on.

 

I think he was realizing that what we had was special and he threw it away because of his own self-esteem, insecurities and whatever else is going on in his head. In the end, he will suffer over it more than me because he's the one that made that decision. I can move on without regrets.

 

All I can say to you is, let it go because he's got issues.... You'll be better off in the long run.

 

I have a good ending....a month ago, I met a great guy and I can't believe how much better things are now and how much more compatible my new guy is for me.

 

You will find love again.

[phantpwr]

wow.. thanks so much, that really helped.... i wish i was that strong.. im most certainly going to try to from this point.. and yes i can understand when you said you thought he must of believed "you would always be there..." ive been in my own ways trying to get back with him.. but not anymore.. he isnt right for me.. just a very hurtfull experience.. you lose alot of yourself in the situation... for some reason you end up feeling less than... then when you were in the relationship.. its amazing how another person, or you letting another person can effect you like that...

 

thanks