Going on a date tonight, but I don't know if I really want to...

[Mustang]

It's been almost four months since my ex broke up with me. I want her back but I am not putting my life on hold.

 

Here's the thing, I'm going out with a girl tonight who is a friend of my mate's girlfriend. I am just not excited about it. She's a really nice girl but if I know that I want nothing to come out of it what's the point?

 

I feel like I'm only going because it's encouraged as part of the "moving on" process but the fact is I still love my ex. I wish I didn't but I do.

 

My ex moved on soooooo fast. Why can't I?

[annie24]

go. have fun. if nothing else, look at this as an opportunity to socialize and to try out a new restaurant. no one says you have to marry this girl.

[Mustang]

I know. I just feel bad. I don't want to lead her on. But then a part of me thinks I should just bite the bullet and move on. I'm just confused.

 

The girl knows of my situation anyway. I just feel a bit awkward. Surely you should be excited to be going out with someone?!

[annie24]

look - just go and have a nice time, don't worry about having a relationship with this girl. it's just a date. focus on the company, the conversation, enjoy the food, the movie, whatever you have planned. think of it as two young people just going out and having a nice night. you don't have to marry her or anything, just go and enjoy yourself for one night.

 

as for your ex, yes, jb is right, people who break up have a head start on the healing because they have been exiting the relationship for a while...

[nilli]

Maybe you could reframe it and think of it as just going out for an evening with someone new and being open to a new experience. Trying will help you know if you are ready or not.

 

From what you say, you don't think you are and, if that's the case, that's fine too. I don't know your history but, like it or not, we all move on in different ways and different paces. The only thing we have in common is that we all do at some point.

 

Some very good friends of mine split up after a long relationship last year. One of them was very depressed and stayed at home for a couple of months and is now back to her usual bubbly self whereas the other went out partying and travelling almost immediately but she's hitting a slump now. it's just that different people deal with uncomfortable feelings in different ways. This was their case anyway.

 

Try not to attach too much meaning to tonight (i.e. that you should be 'moving on', that the girl has expectations etc) just go and see...you can always chalk it up to experience.

[browneyedgirl36]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's really hard to want to date right after a breakup-- even several months on.

 

I'm with the others who say to go and have fun. As you mentioned, the girl knows your situation, so hopefully she understands that you may not be ready for anything really heavy right now.

 

Go into this with the idea that, if nothing else, you will be making a friend. Be yourself, have fun, but don't lead the girl on. If it looks as if she wants to get serious with you and you feel unready to do so, be honest with her -- no mixed signals, no dating her just to have *someone*, etc. I have been in the situation where my ex was not ready to date, but he asked me out anyway, and continued to see me even though he wasn't ready to be with anyone. I spent a year in "limbo" with him, only to have him go back to that ex when she decided she wanted him again. I tell you this just so that you know in advance the potential pitfalls of getting involved when you still harbor significant feelings for your ex.

 

Let us know how it goes!

[watupgangsta]

yeah man, just go and have a good time. try to keep an open mind about this girl. nobody is saying this needs to be your next girlfriend. just see if you enjoy her company and if you do, keep hanging out. if you don't go in having any expectations, then its not a big deal... but whatever you do, don't complain about your ex. that would make it very awkward for her.