Moving in

[tamara78]

Hi guys,

 

I moved in together with my boyfriend 2 months ago, after both of us moving to a new country and new jobs, so it has not been the easiest of transitions. Most of the time, we have an absolutely amazing time, but arguments (or i should say - misunderstandings) have crept in - I have no doubt in my mind that our relationship is strong and that we love each other very much - my question is - for those of you that have moved in with your partners - did you find the first few months more challenging than later on, after the initial adjustments are made? They always say that the first year (of living together or marriage) is the most difficult and although we have had our arguments and spats, I have no concerns that they can rock our relationship but I can see the truth in that saying.

 

Stories of your experiences would be very welcome.

 

Thank you!

[ResonanceTheory]

I currently live with my boyfriend. It was not a previously arranged thing, but rather something that came about after the fact that I have TERRIBLE roommates, so it just became easier for me to stay over at his place. I am hardly ever at my own apartment--it is pretty much just a storage for my furniture and extra clothes.

 

Long and the short of it is--yeah, you're going to get in some arguments. I know that there's definitely days where I just feel irritated because he hasn't cleaned the room (and I have the past 15 times), and when he comes home from work, he just throws his shirt or pants on the ground RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR. Even little things, which I never thought would ever get to me such as little pee spots on the toilet seat (which he neglects to clean up sometimes). But the key to getting over all the little messes and habits is to take it light-heartedly. For example, whenever he leaves pee spots on the toilet seat, I tell him that "the toilet's looking classy again". He knows I don't like to find pee on the toilet seat, but I'm not necessarily chastising him for it, even though he still gets the hint. Compromise is a big part of it too, because for every, say, 10 little cleanings of the room that I do, he'll do one complete cleaning, or clean the kitchen, or bath, or something like that.

 

The only other thing that might be hard to deal with as a couple is getting annoyed with one another. I'd say it's probably difficult because when you're not living together, every moment you're together is...well...special "together time". But it certainly changes. I wouldn't say it's a bad thing--I have way more fun every day now that I'm spending most of my free time with my boyfriend. But you can definitely go into overload on each other. I don't know any person who could be around another person for at least 10 hours a day, 7 days a week, and NEVER get annoyed with them. The good thing about my SO and I is that we were close friends before we even dated, so we know how to be open with each other about our feelings and have a great time messing around and acting like a couple of idiots. I don't feel afraid to tell him that he's being annoying, although it isn't very often. Some people cope with this "overload" by having "girls nights out" or something like that. I guess it depends on who you are and how you and your partner work.

 

Nevertheless, we are "officially" moving into our own apartment next summer. So I can tell you that the annoyances and the irritations are certainly not bad at all. We find it hard to take our own fights seriously, and there are few arguments that don't end in or include laughter. Just try to take disagreements with a grain of salt, and you'll be fine.