Why can't I just move on?

[So_confused]

So my now ex-girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago and things started going bad about 2 months ago. Before that, things were amazing. I had never met a girl like her before, she told me that she had never felt what she feels for me for anybody before. She told me that she wanted to be with me forever and that before me she had never been able to say I love you and actually mean it. She broke up with me and wanted to be friends but I just couldn't be friends with her at that point. What I really need is to know why we broke up and that reason is something that has been in her head for 2 months now and I don't know if I will ever know. She knows that it would help me understand and that if I just knew why then I could get on with my life but she won't give it to me. She says that she knows we should talk but she's been saying that for 2 months now. I've never had such a hard time getting over a girl before and when I think I am getting over her, I see her or think of her and end up right where I left off. It wasn't even that long of a relationship, just under 5 months but I guess since everthing was so perfect and we made so many good memories I'm having such a hard time. I just don't understand how someone like that knows that you're hurting so much and that they could help you understand but they don't.

[dude123]

Sorry to hear about what has happen to you. I think it is just plain weird. Breaking up with you and not even giving you a reason why. I would try to find out what the reason is. Try talking to her or maybe you could just write her a letter or an email letting her know that you would like to know the reason of your breakup. Well I hope my advice helped you. Good Luck to you.

[lx2020]

sorry to hear that bro. I felt the same way about my ex and my ex felt the same. We went out for 4 years but she broke up with me a month ago. Its hard to get over her, but i still hope that we can get back together even though no one believes that. Just hang in there buddy.

[melrich]

You should not be so hung up about the "why". Often the person who broke up themselves does not know why, it is just a feeling they get and I suspect this is how come your ex is unable to give you an easy explanation. I know it is not as simple as this but think about something you have liked in the past that you no longer like as much, a food, a drink, a hobby, even friends you once had but no longer see. More than likely you would find it difficult to explain to yourslf why you no longer like those things as much. That's because our needs and wants change as we live, often we don't even know they are changing. There is not always a black and white answer, people are constantly changing and with change comes different desires and ambitions. What we love and can't live without one day may not be the same thing we love and can't live without the next. That does not mean that the emotions we express at the time are not real, I am sure when your ex said it she did love you very much and did want to spend the rest of her life with you at that point in time. None of us should ever take these types expressions literally. They mean what the person felt at the time but are no guarrantee that they will feel it forever. I know it does not help answer your question but I hope it may help explain why your ex cannot give you the answer you seek, she may not know it herself except for a vague feeling that the relationship was no longer what felt right to her.

[Celadon]

Hey, Confused. So sorry to hear you're hurting right now. I've been there too.

 

I totally back up what RichGabe says. Sometimes people don't know why they're doing what they're doing. It's surprising but true, particularly to those of us who try to be self-aware. Many times, a person may break up because they don't want to deal with something. Plenty of people, unfortunately, have the "it's not fun anymore so it must not be working" attitude.

 

The trap we fall into is thinking we can *get someone to realize what they're doing* so that they change. Be careful. Unless you're a counselor and the other person is *WILLING* to change then it's not going to happen, no matter how perfect everything else was.

 

For me, I finally realized that my ex valued other things above our relationship, and that was enough explanation for me to move on. Good luck!!

[LightsDimming]

I was just recently in a relationship where things were almost identical to yours. Our 4 month relationship was amazing for the entire time until the last 2-3 weeks where I started to notice changes. She broke it off.

 

I would agree with richgabe. Sometimes things dont make sense and the question "why" seems unanserable. At the end of my relationship, I as able to get my ex gf to finally start to open up and start explaining things to me. Even after she has explained things to me several times, it still doesn't make sense to me, but I guess I understand her a little bit better. Unfortunaly the final question "why" or so much "what happened" still undeniably evades me.

 

It really doesn't sound like there was anything wrong with you or what you did in your relationship with her. Its the classic "its not you, its me". Well sometimes that is actually the case. You may have not done anything wrong in the relationship to make her decide what she did. There probably isn't anything you can have done differently. The choices she made were hers and sometimes those choices are very difficult to understand.

 

There is something that you wrote that keys me into why she may have a hard to explaining to you what happened. You wrote "I just don't understand how someone like that knows that you're hurting so much and that they could help you understand but they don't." This is probably the exact reason why she is reluctant to explains things to you. She see's that you are having an extremely difficult time with things and she is the reason behind it. If she is the type of person who protects the feelings of others, she may have a hard to explaining the reasons to you for she doesn't want to hurt you any more than she has. She probably feels very bad about the breakup and everytime she see's you or you say sometime like "i miss you", it makes her feel guilty. It may be the case that she just can't bring herself to explain things to you because she knows it will make you hurt even more, which in the end makes her feel bad.

 

These are just my thoughts and my experiences and they may not apply to you or your situation.

 

In the end, you have to live with the fact that she has made her decision. Things will get better in time and you will get over her. I will promise you that. There will be a day where you will be able to see her and remember all the wonder times you had without all the rush of feelings.

 

I wish you all the best of luck.

Lights

[nmarchildon]

dude that must be the hardest shit to go through. ive been with my boyfriend for six months now and things are a little sketchy right now. i think they will work out if we just continue to respect each other though. i think your ex is pretty selfish about the whole thing. love doesnt make you act that way. thats what i dont understand. why is it that when you are completely in love with someone you are so weak and vulnerable? I wish i could say move on, but i think about me and my bfriend and i think my world would end if we broke up. so i know where your coming from. what i would give for my boyfriend to give me as much energy as you seem to want to put in it.

 

well, keep your head high and don't give her the satisfaction of looking like the one who can't move on. you cant help the way you feel but that doesnt mean you have to feed her with you energy. it hurts though.... man i'm sorry dude. really, this smells like poo! Everything happens for a reason though and you can learn from it. Just see the positive.

 

xnatx

[Undead]

she may not know it herself except for a vague feeling that the relationship was no longer what felt right to her.

 

This would not be much, but it would be something.

[Undead]

Things will get better in time and you will get over her. I will promise you that.

 

It really angers me when people say this. How can you make a promise like that?