Husband watches porn

[getalife]

This is my first post on this site. I have been married over a year....and my husband is perfect in everyway except one which really makes me go with anger and jealousy. He likes (says its his hobby) watching nude woman online and also girls generally when we r out in the mall, etc. I am a goodlooking girl....but i cant compete with boob jobs, tummy tucks, u name it. He says he loves me a lot...but I just cant take it and end up having very bitter fights whenever he looks at girls.but at the same time i dont want him to do stuff behind me back. Am I being unreasonable....or is it akin to cheating to watch other nude women. Sorry for such a huge post. any help will be appreciated.

[CustomX]

Hello......basically those girls he looks at are just eye candy and hopfully nothing more. You need to talk to him and find out if he would ever cheat on you with the girls he likes. Its natural for guys to look at other women but looking and touching are two different things. Maybe tell him to stop looking at porn because i know it bothers you alot! And no your not being unreasonable you have every right to make him stop.

[sisterlynch]

Watching porn is considered normal by many people as is angering your spouse in public. Both are very rude, I feel. This is a matter of him not communicating his needs to you. If you feel like you need to compete with an unreasonable standard of female beauty, I would say that is a very common complaint now a days. What can you do to battle these supposed "other" women, well, if you can't beat them join them.

 

Look at the porn that he likes, is there any way that you could be more like that? I don't mean getting a boob job, but the behavior of the sex pot is probably what he is looking at, not so much what they are wearing, which is probably what you notice about other women.

 

What are they doing that excites him, that is the conversation you can have, the more that you can be his ideal, the less you need to punish him for looking at other girls.

 

Then the girls in the mall wont bug you so much because you will know that he only has you on his mind.

 

Men: step up to the plate, tell us what we can do to compete with these women that is so difficult for us to realize and focus on....

[getalife]

CustomX , he doesnt want to sleep with them...and I have full faith that he wont...but wont i be curbing his freedom by telling him to stop watching porn. then probably he'll do it behind my back..which is worse.

[getalife]

SisterLynch, he says he is curious about other women's bodies....though he also reassures me that I am way above them and he cant even compare me with them. Should I try the sex positions or what? to make him not want to see them?I cant change my behaviour to match the 20 odd sex kittens online or the frisky teenagers on the roads.....HELP!!

[Ash]

To me, aprt of the answer is that guys can exist in two different worlds when it comes to love and sexual situations. The emotional, and the physical.

 

On the purely physical side, guys can get turned on, and get a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction from watching other women, even though there is no emotional attachment at all. This has nothing to do with love. I think this is why so many of us men do things like this, or go to strip clubs and so on. We don't tend to see it as anything approaching an intimate encounter.

 

On the emotional side, there's a great commitment and desire to be with a particular person, be it our wife, girlfriend (depending on the situation). We certainly like the lady in our lives to appear exciting and sexy, but it's not always necessary to having a warm, loving and interenting relationship. We simply amuse our heads by looking elsewhere at times.

 

It used to be that men would buy magazines, and look at those, now the access is so much easier. I think you'd be surprised to know just how many men had a secret stash of girly mags somewhere, I just about hit the floor when I found my dad's, I never would have guessed. It's been going on for a very long time.

 

Talk to him and make sure you're being what he wants. If you're not what he wants, then figur eout how the two of you can adjust so that you are. I don't mean you have to be a sex pot, always catering to his desires. He might want you to dress in sexy clothes, or try different things. He may very well want you to come up with some of the ideas.

 

Try making an actual date with him. Surprise him as to the details. Make it special and sexy, and see if he changes his habits even for a few days. That may give you an indication of whether he's satisfied with things.

 

And don't forget, most guys would just love to hear their mate's fantasies, but are often too timid to ask. See if he wants to know. Tell him one of your's, ask him about one of his, and see how it goes from there.

 

But in short, don't get overly concerned at this point. It doesn't sound like a huge issue yet, handle it delicately, be understanding and you may be able to get him to shift more of his focus onto you.

 

As for the girls in the mall, I doubt there's much you can do about that. Largely humand nature I'm afraid. Don't women look at nice men that way to some extent too? (I could be wrong.)

[sisterlynch]

I don't agree with what customx said and I think it is a little harsh to call women or girls "eye candy", that is just a little beyond the call of the question, but that is his/her right to have an opinion on the topic, ill stated though it may be!!

[routerx]

Yes, I admit it, I believe that men are visual creatures. But, we are humans, not animals, and although we have that impulse, we CHOOSE to look at other women and porn. Your husband is not a robot or an animal. If what he is doing is hurting your heart, then he should CHOOSE to stop doing it.

 

All he is doing is putting naked pictures before your heart. Doesn't sound like he is being very considerate to me.

 

Tell him to stop it because it hurts you.

[frenchie]

Maybe you should try eyeing up other guys when youre out with him and see how he likes it, the porn is bringing out lots of insecurities in you which is entirely understandable. If he is not prepared to give it up are you prepared to compromise and accept it as part of your life?

Dont be bullied into trying anything sexually that you are uncomfortable with this is wholly unacceptable and will only make you feel worse, he is right when he says that they cannot compare with you they are after all not real people in his life and he has no emotional attatchment to them. It sounds like hes using it as a form of escapism would you be any happier if he was more discreet about the whole thing?

If he refuses to consider your opinion and take on board how much difficulty you are having with the whole thing then does he really respect you?

Make more time for yourself do things that make you feel good about yourself it may make this less of a problem as you will have other things in your life to think about

Good Luck

[Zeldaster]

Hey,

 

While this may be difficult to understand, I think it should be heard. Porn, and every branch of it, is entirely fantasy. It is merely to make men imagine things that they would not have access to in real life. Most likely, it is to relieve sexual tension. Think about it- who visits porn sites most? Teenagers. Why? Because they have a lot of hormones, and no way to "relieve" themselves.

 

And as Ash said, men live two different lives. He doesn't want you to become a sex goddess. He wants your companionship and love.

 

While some of the things in the post may not apply to him, for men, sex of any type is a basic instinct (like the movie!). So, most likely, he still loves you as much as ever, and you should NOT change.

 

My Opinion,

~Zeldaster~

[musicguy]

I agree with Zeldaster..porn is just fantasy.