I'm nervous: meeting, maybe, for the first time.

[cc2006]

Hiya

 

So, for the past few months I've been getting to know someone fairly well that I met online. It started off just talking online but moved to phone conversations as well. She lives rather far away and that makes a physical meeting rather hard, though ... it'll take a long plane ride to get me within visiting distance.

 

Its weird, honestly ... I feel like I 'connect' better with her then any of the women I've met from my area since my last relationship. Actually, I've been on a date or two and thought, midway through, "gee I wonder what my intrawebs' friend is doin' right now?" ... even had a "I wish it were my internetsuperhighway crush instead of this person" thought once or twice too.

 

Our lil' friendship seems to have some tension interwoven into it on both sides. Heck, she thinks I'm cute too .. so .. bonus! Hey .. she even doesn't mind that I'm bilingual and my second language is NY_Sarcasm!

 

 

Since I don't have a vacation planned this year .. and 'Spring Break' is coming next month I offered to fly out and meet up for a few days and see how things go. She seems rather receptive to the whole idea (we both kinda' are curious how we'd get along in person and stuff obviously) ... but I'm nervous.

 

I got out of my old relationship like 4-5 months ago (after 2 years) & I haven't 'connected' with anyone in person since then. She also recently got out of a relationship.

 

I think we're both scared that we won't 'hit it off' and we'll be letting the other down or something. ... she also seems scared we will hit it off and she'll be vulnerable to being hurt again like in her previous relationships. Part of me is scared we'll 'hit it off' well and then have to wrestle with the 'Long Distance' portion of things.

 

I'm scared. I'm really attracted to her so far, and it frightens me I guess.

 

I met someone I knew online once before too, and it went badly. So I have that stuck in the back of my mind as well.

 

I'm making myself have a good/positive attitude about things though: "I'm gunna' go meet my friend that I enjoy talking to & take a well needed vacation. At the very least I'll come back home with the relationship at still a friend level" .. ya' know?

 

I'm trying to come at this with a "no expectations" thing. I feel like that is best, yah?

 

I've told her we can put this off until we're both sure we're in a "good place" after our last relationships. I don't wanna' 'rush' into things and ruin a potentially awesome thing between us by moving too quick. But, on the other hand, when is life ever totally calmed down and a perfect time for anything?

 

 

Am I delusional? Are things gunna' change no matter what so badly that my happy friend-relationship could be altered forever?

 

Any words of wisdom?

 

Is this crazy? lol

[Batya33]

I like your no expectations attitude.

 

I would meet her only if you can realistically see her at least once a month or more and you both have the finances for a long distance relationship. Otherwise, I don't personally see the point of getting more attached by meeting in person or risk harming your on line friendship by trying to take it to another level even if it's unrealistic that you will get to see each other and date on any regular basis.

[melrich]

Am I delusional? Are things gunna' change no matter what so badly that my happy friend-relationship could be altered forever?

 

Maybe. But I think you have to take that risk otherwise you are going to forever wonder.

[cc2006]

Maybe. But I think you have to take that risk otherwise you are going to forever wonder.

 

Thats pretty much what I decided so far. If I don't meet her, we'll always wonder what 'could have been' ... and plus ... even if it doesn't turn into something 'so much greater' than it is now ... why wouldn't I wanna' meet a friend in person that I get along with very well?

 

 

I like your no expectations attitude.

 

Thanks. I'm trying to be realistic. I hope she is on the same page. Expectations are evil .. they lead people to be disappointed even if the outcome is still really good.

 

I would meet her only if you can realistically see her at least once a month or more and you both have the finances for a long distance relationship. Otherwise, I don't personally see the point of getting more attached by meeting in person or risk harming your on line friendship by trying to take it to another level even if it's unrealistic that you will get to see each other and date on any regular basis.

 

See .. thats what I'm afraid of, and that is an issue. I personally don't have the money to see her super-often. I'm slowly racking up student loans and working part time to cover cost-of-living and health insurance.

 

She doesn't own a private jet or even a helicopter (shes a slacker, obviously .. so .. meeting up could be an issue for a while.

 

I'm kinda' worried about this ... but ... I don't want it to force me to not meet up. I mean ... on the chance that sparks fly ... nothing is impossible, right? (I'm too much a realist and logical ... so this swept-away-by-romance stuff is new to me ... but ... I wanna' believe its always a possible somehow.)

 

 

Thanks for the replies, guys, sorry I babble so much it becomes a big read. lol

 

 

 

Still hoping we can both get the same days off and do this. If not I'll have to push it back until May at least, when this semester is over.

[Batya33]

My personal opinion is that the finances matter if you would like more than a one time meeting or an occasional weekend together every couple of months. Not sure why the extremes of private jets, etc come in to play. Do the number crunching of how much it would cost for one of you to travel to the other once a month and by regular coach airfare and see where you get.

[cc2006]

My personal opinion is that the finances matter if you would like more than a one time meeting or an occasional weekend together every couple of months. Not sure why the extremes of private jets, etc come in to play. Do the number crunching of how much it would cost for one of you to travel to the other once a month and by regular coach airfare and see where you get.

 

The extreme of the jet was a joke. lol

 

 

 

I think regular coach airfair will cost me ~$300 at the very cheapest. That is with "Online Only!" flight specials and two hour stopovers.

 

Hey if I get my $600 from the Govn't in 'tax rebates' that'll cover two trips to see her!*

 

 

*Airfare only. Extra costs will apply.

 

 

I can sit down and actually try and do a budget to see if things would be feasible ... but, since I've gone back to school last year I'm not ever in the 'black' if ya' know what I mean.

 

But .. as of right now .. I'd sell blood (and I hate needles) or go without lunch for a while to scrounge up enough loose cash to see her. So ... I dunno'.

[melrich]

Not sure why the extremes of private jets, etc come in to play.

 

It was a JOKE!!!!

[Batya33]

Sorry I didn't see the joke at first. Sounds like you're on the right track (or flight pattern, as the case may be...)- good luck!

[cc2006]

lol .. thanks

 

I run into the Library here on campus on breaks between classes .. so .. I'm back again ...

 

 

... actually, I think our biggest problem would be TIME, not money.

 

If we met and hit it off:

 

If between the two of us we were able to budget for a while until things fell into place:

Our biggest obstical would be dealing with the fact that we both work and I have gone back to school at my advanced age

 

... our time is limited. I'm not positive we'll be able to get together soon as is ... I have select time off from class and then both of us have to schedule vacation time with our employers.

 

I'm in NY .. and she is .. well .. shes further than a 3 hour drive (.. we'd be able to visit each other on weekends if she was!) or a quick & cheap plane ride (there are $49 flight specials often enough to jump over a state or two ... that I could visit on LONG weekends easily!) ... this trip is gunna entail like ... 8 hours each way (counting stopovers) just to see her.

 

... so ... like ... weekend visits would be too difficult. Basically my first day of vacation is gunna' be spent on a plane getting to her, and my last day is gunna' be spent on a plane getting BACK here. ... kinda' kills the quick "surprise, I'm here!" situations if you gotta' take at least 5 days scheduled vacation to have 3 solid days of time together (and thats not taking jet-lag into account, LOL).

[CallingAllAngels]

Maybe. But I think you have to take that risk otherwise you are going to forever wonder.

 

I agree with melrich...you never want to wonder "what if"...

 

Go for it...

 

Good luck to you.

[cc2006]

I agree with melrich...you never want to wonder "what if"...

 

Go for it...

 

Good luck to you.

 

Well I'm goin' for it

 

I bought my tickets and I fly out later this month; I don't like flying ... so this is going to be an adventure.. I'll be out there for a few days and plan to have a good time

 

I've been having a hectic last couple weeks, though, so I've been stressed lately and honestly ... I could use the vacation from life for a while.

 

 

Thanks for all your thoughts & advice, everyone.

[cc2006]

Update?: She actually showed up here for a couple days.

 

Things went pretty well. We had a good time together and all that stuff. So, it makes me somewhat more looking forward to my vacation time n' stuff.

 

... although it makes me think she might be alil crazy cuz she kinda' just flew out here with very little warning and stuff ...and only for a couple of days.

 

Women, huh?

[Nixee]

Update?: She actually showed up here for a couple days.

 

Things went pretty well. We had a good time together and all that stuff. So, it makes me somewhat more looking forward to my vacation time n' stuff.

 

... although it makes me think she might be alil crazy cuz she kinda' just flew out here with very little warning and stuff ...and only for a couple of days.

 

Just showed up eh?

That's crazy.

 

It's good that things went well and it made you look forward to the next visit though ... and hey... .maybe she is a bit crazy... but... sometimes a bit crazy is necessary sometimes, no?

 

Or.... maybe not..... but.... maybe now it makes your trip to see her less nerve-wracking? Hopefully you will have fun

 

Women, huh?

 

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em?