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Wow, what a situation. What a decision...


ShatteredHalo
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Hey people,

 

I just got out of a two year relationship which ended in her cheating on me. Needless to say, when someone hurts you that bad you tend to forget about them and their heartless ways in which they have to carry on through life. I posted a topic about it earlier this month...but yeah, I am completely over the dumb b***h so I am ready to move on.

 

I know that I am not ready nor do I want a relationship with anyone right now...but something has just happened to me. I've known this girl for about eight months or so. I never really became friends with her, but we knew who each other was. She came to a party that my roommates and I threw back in October because she is my ex's friend. We really got talking and everything and we continued to talk for hours about anything and everything.

 

After I found out about my ex cheating on me, (which she was doing to me for almost a year), her friend called me and told me that she REALLY wanted to tell me about my ex's unfaithfulness the night of the party, but she didn't because she knew that if she did I would go crazy and tell everyone at the party about it...if that had happened, my ex wouldn't have made it out of the house with all of her bones intact, so I can see why she didn't tell me then.

 

Right now she doesn't want to be friends with my ex because she had to sit back and know about everything my ex did to me behind my back, (by the way...she cheated on me by having sex with atleast five guys), knowing that I wouldn't believe her if she had told me. (And I wouldn't have. I didn't know her very well at all.)

 

It made her sick that my ex could have done something so vile to someone that treated her like a goddess, gave her anything she wanted, was always faithful, and just a plain old amazing boyfriend. She figured, "If your ex can do something like that to a guy that tried to give her the world, what could she do to her friends?" Made perfect sense to me, because I would think the same thing.

 

I went home the next weekend to see some friends I hadn't seen in a long while, and I ran into her (we live about an hour away from each other. I'm in College, and she is in my home town. I'm twenty and she is eight-teen) I went to her house and we talked, flirted, and she gave me a GREAT back massage. Ever since then her and I talked on the phone every day. I got to know her a lot more and ironically enough, began to develop feelings for her.

 

I went home last weekend to see my parents and to get some groceries and laundry done, and decided to see her.

 

FRIDAY: She was at my friends place hanging out. We chilled out and watched some movies, cuddled, held hands, flirted like crazy, and talked a lot. Her Step Dad couldn't pick her up so I drove her home. When I dropped her off at home I asked her if it was alright if I kissed her...she condoned, so we kissed. Ohhhh my was it nice.

 

SATURDAY: I picked her up to go to a friends house to drink a beer or two and chill out with some friends. We had both planned to stay there the night, especially me because I had more than one or two beers and I'll be damned if I ever get behind the wheel drunk. So it's getting really late and everyone left except me, her, and my friend. (it's his place, so obviously he's going to stay there. hehe) We set up a pull out bed to crash out on but didn't go to bed yet. We made out, got really into it.

We did everything except sex. I am really feeling for this girl, you have no idea. She is made of everything that my ex isn't, so that is a big reason why I am so attracted to her.

 

SUNDAY: I drove her home, we kissed and off I went to my home here.

On my drive home I couldn't stop thinking about her and how amazing she really is. I could definitely see myself in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with her when I am ready.

 

So how is this a unique situation, and why is it a hard decision?

She is four months pregnant, and the father wants absolutely nothing to do with it. One big conversation we had was that she said she did not want to be in a relationship with a guy for her child, and that she doesn't want to drag a guy into having to take care of him/her.

She wants someone special to be there for her and her only. Her family has already made plans to take care of the baby.

 

Still, I am thinking in the long run which in the past has been my down fall, but has also helped me. A lot of the time I don't take things one day at a time, rather I look at the big picture and what could possibly happen in the end. In our case, I see it to be an innevibility that her child will see me as a father figure if her and I end up together in a serious and long relationship. Who knows, though? Maybe in two or three years I wouldn't mind having her child see me as a father, but still that is a very long ways away and I should take things one step at a time.

 

I don't know what the future has in store for me. Hell, I don't even know what I want to be yet. Right now I may only finish this year and then move back home to work for who knows how long. But that's right now, so it could change. But the baby has clouded my judgement and understanding of where her and I could go together.

 

We will have a lot of time together coming up in December because of Xmas break in which time we may be able to figure out what is best for both of us. Right now I know we are doing what is best for us. I love the connections we are making, and I do not want to stop them.

The very last thing I want to do is lead her on. I don't want us to fall so hard for each other that in the end we will have to stop doing what we are doing, because that would hurt both of us.

 

Quite an ordeal, eh?

 

Man...any advice, any at all would be GREATLY appreciated. I feel for her and I am falling for her so hard, I want to be there for her.

Any advice at all would be great. Thanks for listening everyone.

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Honestly - I'd go with it for now, you still have plenty of time to see where this is going before she has her baby, and even MORE time before the "father figure" would come into play. By the time that happens, you should have a better feel for if you want to be that deeply involved with her and her child, or if you're not ready. And talk to her as well about your feelings and what you're worried about, she's already confided in you that she wants to be loved for herself, not for someone feeling like they should "take care of her and her baby." Making it an open subject for discussion the whole way through should make it easier for both of you to worry less about what the other is thinking and feeling. Much better to be honest about your concerns with her, and be able to both understand what each of you is thinking and feeling than have to guess, and it would be a shame to distance yourself when things are clicking so well without seeing how your feelings develop as her pregnancy progresses.

 

It's to your credit you're concerned about possible issues arising if things don't work - just be careful not to overthink so much that you're scared to go with how you feel. It's even more to your credit you're thinking of the child as "hers" and not making an issue out of another man having gotten her pregnant - that's a leap in thinking that makes me wonder if you're worried yourself at how quickly your feelings for her are developing, and worried about getting hurt yourself if things don't work out, because you'd be losing more than just her.

 

I'd definitely give it a chance, sometimes you have to risk a little more to gain the same. If you don't, you're always going to wonder if you chose to lose something before you really had it.

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Wow, Halo!

 

I am impressed and I really think that you seem to be a great guy

 

I can only say that I would go with what I feel is right. Take this chance because the outcome, what ever it will be, will be invaluable.

 

Good luck, Halo. To you and your love =)

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for a good outcome

 

***EDIT***

I would just like to add that this has made me think of an old TOTO song

"it's gonna take a lot to dragg me away from you, there's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do" Hurry, boy. She's waiting there for you =)

 

GOOD LUCK!

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  • 5 months later...

Hello everyone,

 

Well my GF had a baby boy on April 18th, and I have decided to stay with her. I love her too much to let her go over something like this.

But this is not the reason for my post.

 

I am worried about her losing her child to the father. The father of the baby has made it clear in the past that when she has her child, he will go for full custody of the child. His father thinks the same way and is determined to have his Grandchild in his home.

I am worried that she will not win this case if he decides to bring her to court. Unfortunately, she would not win because her family's history, particualrily criminal history, isn't good for making a good case for her to keep her child.

 

I am not too familiar with the laws here in Ontario, Canada about this issue, so if anyone could give me some information or a link to a site regarding this, I would greatly appreciate it. From what I know, I honestly do not think she would win this case. It would be devastating to her to lose her child to the father through the legal system. Once again, any help is appreciated. Thanks guys.

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