I want my best GUY friend back! Or is he not JUST a friend?

[SF2008]

I only met him 4 yrs ago, but he's definitely one of the closest people in my life. It started off with us clicking and being close friends real fast. He confessed he liked me and we started dating. 4 months later (since the day we met), he moved away a job in Nor Cal- where he originally grew up. Things ended at that point, but we maintained a wonderful close friendship. We claim each other as platontic gf/bf. We can cuddle on the couch, pick each other's nose, and lick each other's face and find humor in it. When people first see us interact, they always question us... but after a while, they totally understand what kind of relationship we have and admire us for what we have. Even during time when he's in a serious relationship, our friendship remains the same.

 

Through a weird twist of fate, I landed a job and life brought me to Nor Cal near him again. It's been great to see him regularly again. But our friendship hasn't been so hot lately.

 

His family has grown to love me and his mom even joking said she wanted me to bare her grandkids. Coming from this imtimidating hotshot lawyer of a lady, it's one hell of a compliment. No doubt, it made me think back that brief moment of when we dated. In a way, I was always glad he moved away b/c though I love him, i find it a bit difficult to see him in a romantic light. When we first met, we were both coming off of long term rel'shps and seeking companionship. We never slept together. (One reason why I feel our friendship works). He's told me before (and again recently) that if I started dating someone seriously, he needs to like and approve of this guy (kind of a protective big brother thing). I usually just shrug the comment off... even though I was never a fan of his ex... i learned to deal and appreciate her (but I wasn't broken hearted when he called things off as I was with other girls he dated).

 

Anyways, his "lady friend" visited from the east coast for 2 weeks. I have to admit, I was jealous playing 2nd. And I haven't been the warmest friend lately. But I sucked it up to wait til she left so I could have my friend again. But of course when it rains, it pours... and in the mist of the the past month, his house of roommates were forced to move (in the middle of this crazy rental market in the city) and so was I from my current living situation. We're all stressed out to find a home before we find ourselves homeless. His house decides to go their own way and two of his roommates ask me to be thir third. We find a flat and ready to celebrate..... not. He's upset with me that I never formally discussed it with him, but says he's ok with it because the situation makes sense and he's happy I have a great living situation. In the meantime, that also means he's in a living limbo until he finds a house to buy (which is no easy or quick task!) Hence, I understand, he's still really stressed out... but he swears our friendship is cool. But I don't feel it. There's a wall... and I'm not sure it's the stress of house hunting, my jealousy of his "lady friend," or something else.

 

One of my friends said, "I hope this won't turn out to be a case like 'My Best friend's Wedding' (the movie)." I still have trouble seeing us in a romantic light. Sometimes I wonder if he really wants something more but like I, won't want to ruin what we have now. I'm one to speak things bluntly.... he's the most passive aggressive person ever... so we could have horrible communication. My two questions... are we really just friends? or does he possibly see me as more? And more importantly for the short term, How do get my best friend back???!!!

[DN]

Any time somone is jealous of a SO - there has to be a question about the motivation behind that jealously - and I suspect his annoyance about you moving in with his friends is also from the same feelings.

 

Are you sure that you don't have romantic interests - or are you suppressing them because of the previous break-up.

 

What his mother said is interesting - but it is even more interesting that you should think it important enough to mention it on here.

[DN]

Also - imagine that you did hear he was getting married.

 

Today.

 

Quick and first reaction is what?

[jettison]

You two aren't "just friends". The litmus test if pretty simple. Write the same story, but insert your best girlfriend. You're both in a bit of denial in my opinion.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Another voice for more than just friends.