Shy people, who is your type?

[Adobe GIllis]

Good question. In college, a buddy of mine had the shyness bug too ( and got over it, unlike me) and when someone asked him: "what type of woman do you go for?" he responded kind that goes for me..."

 

Too true. As a shy person, I have never asked a female out on a date or fired up a relationship without A)being set-up by associates, or B)having been pursued by her until she bops me on the head with a club and drags me on the first date (which I am initially loathe to go on). Most often, I treat the opposite sex like a neutral comrade on the streets of Ho-Chi-Minh City.(No offense to any Communists) After years of this pattern, I have now begun to ponder what kind of woman is my type? Everyone has a type, but some shy people may have difficulty determining what that type is after conditioning themselves with such passive mate-choices. Like, you don't choose who you date, but let fate cast that decision for you. Lemme tell you, this isn't too smart because you wind-up with quite a few Loo-loos because you don't put yourself much in control of the situation. After awhile, you can't really even fantasize about anyone because you know that you won't act upon any attractions until they give you some pretty strong signals. Sort of follows the philosophy of not wanting what you feel you can't have. Don't let this happen, it sucks. You need to get some strength earlier on.

 

So, not to start up laundry-lists of eye color and favorite music, but rather, does anyone here feel that way about potential relationships? Lets here your thoughts.

 

Spasiba, Tsovarisch.

[GettingBetter]

I'm only 20 years old, but I've told myself that instead of dating to determine what type of girl I like (or rather, which characteristics I prefer in a girl), I've instead been friends with many girls, and so that has given me a pretty good idea (although, I admit still not an entirely clear picture). We'll see how this actually works...

[Madoc]

For me it has to be the strong type that will challenge me to my limits you know the confident type. A girl that wouldn't be afaid to be the dominant one not controling or anything like that just someone who could become my better half.

 

I know for a fact that iam just shy now but overtime if I do meet someone that will be lifted.

[Adobe GIllis]

Yeah, I'd like to take this carefully from now on. Right now I'm not ready to date again for various reasons, but in the future, I would like to meet someone that I want to approach rather than giving in to a game of cat and mouse someone else initiates. Much of the time, I feel my past relationships failed due to me feeling like I had to just settle for the easiest available. That's not fair to either of us in the end.

[stranded247]

Well someone who has more balls than me. I dont think people should limit themselves to a type but there are people you would go for and then people you wouldn't go for which is just a fact of life. But seeing as I am shy and being a girl I'm limited to the wait for him to ask you out I usually find that I dont get to choose. I sometimes get lucky enough to choose but mostly someone who I will first see on a neutral level will grow an attraction to me and then make a move and my opinions about them will change because they like me and I might begin to like them so I will date them. Sometime I dont grow on the person and I dont date them which seems to happen a lot these days and the guys I do like well they dont seem so keen on me sigh.

[Superfreak]

I'm somewhat shy and I guess the only "type" qualification I have is that I prefer girls that enjoy staying in instead of one's that feel they need to go out every free night of the week they have.

[Adobe GIllis]

Stranded brings up a good point about choice. One of the things I feel I have limited myself with my "style" of dating, is that I wind up getting daytoned. That's what we call settling with the only choice, be it a job, a car, or an apartment,or in this case your siggy. I don't do this anymore because I felt like I was unwisely dating anyone aggressive enough to pursue me. I guess as a male, its traditionally my role to take the lead, and I feel that is what I need to do after years of being coy about it. Kinda frustrating when you do see someone that you may find interesting only to ask yourself "Do I find her attractive only because she seems unchallengeing or unthreatning or do I seriously find her attractive because of some more prurient reason?" Man, I feel like I'm in a Phillip K. * * * * novel now.

[Adobe GIllis]

Heh, Philip's surname is a rude word on this....Do Androids Dream of Electric * * * * s?

[Raize]

If I answered this question back when I was 18 or so, I probably would have simply said just a nice girl, similar in shyness to myself, but with a good sense of humour also like myself.

 

But answering it now at 25... I guess the answer would be similar, but I'd actually really like to meet a girl who is kinda outgoing and spontaneous and 'mischievous', in the good way. BTW I don't necessarily mean mischeivous as in kinky! I mean more in the terms of being almost a bit of a prankster, so we can joke and trick each other and keep 'getting each other back'.

 

And someone who isn't afraid to speak her mind, but polite and respectful to herself and everyone around her nevertheless. So I guess someone who is sincere at times yet playful other times just about sums it up.

 

The way I see it... You may as well have fun in life so why not spend your life with someone who you can share the fun with?

[Lady Luck]

Hmm.. so I should pursue this guy that I like and basically drag him to the movies or something with me? Because there's this guy I'm very interested in, and we only have a few days left of seeing eachother until our class is over (so I'm trying to speed things up as fast as possible). Basically forcing them isn't a bad thing?

[GettingBetter]

Hmm.. so I should pursue this guy that I like and basically drag him to the movies or something with me? Because there's this guy I'm very interested in, and we only have a few days left of seeing eachother until our class is over (so I'm trying to speed things up as fast as possible). Basically forcing them isn't a bad thing?

 

This depends on a number of variables: you, him, and how you drag him out.

 

As a shy guy, if I liked a girl, it really wouldn't matter how she asked me out, I'd go. However, if he's maybe not sure if he likes you yet, then you'll have to be careful.

 

First of all, I'm a lot more partial to more conservative (and shy) girls, myself. Girls dressed provocatively, or girls I see dragging all sorts of guys all over the place wouldn't get far with me, even if they did all the asking. And you certainly don't want to smother him. But, if you politely ask him, even if you have to pry a little further to get an answer, I'd think that's okay. Sometimes (okay, maybe often) that's what we need.

 

But at the same time, this is all assuming he's like me.

 

You might also find this thread helpful:

 

I don't know how similar it is to your case (it's certainly not exclusive to shy guys), but I'll let you decide if it's helpful.

 

Good luck!

[Adobe GIllis]

Hmm.. so I should pursue this guy that I like and basically drag him to the movies or something with me? Because there's this guy I'm very interested in, and we only have a few days left of seeing eachother until our class is over (so I'm trying to speed things up as fast as possible). Basically forcing them isn't a bad thing?

 

I think you should Carpe Diem and give it a try. I mean, you are at a point where you are identifying someone that you like. This really helps define you and what you want out of dating. Especially since time is a factor here, you might want to seize the opportunity while you still can regularly contact him. Besides, if it doesn't work,you might not have to see him again...

[ftheunion]

Is the female you desire real or attainable. That answer will come after much pondering..... hopefully.

[Lady Luck]

Well I've asked him to the movies with a group of friends, and he jokingly says "I'm busy, I'm in the CIA." But I had told him to go watch this trailer for a movie I wanted to see, and he did it. He didn't like it though. Then he said he wanted to see AVP, because he thought it was going to be so horrible. Class ends on Friday, then I will NEVER see him. Should I ask him to the movies?

[Adobe GIllis]

You might as well. You already gave him an icebreaker so you're already on the map for him, and it seems you have not much problem initiating a conversation with him too. He may have declined the first time because you had suggested a group. If he too is shy in any respect, he might get freaked out about going with an army of you and only one of him. Personally, I would find that terrifying.

[GettingBetter]

Well I've asked him to the movies with a group of friends, and he jokingly says "I'm busy, I'm in the CIA." But I had told him to go watch this trailer for a movie I wanted to see, and he did it. He didn't like it though. Then he said he wanted to see AVP, because he thought it was going to be so horrible. Class ends on Friday, then I will NEVER see him. Should I ask him to the movies?

 

Yes, ask him to the movies! If you'll never see him again anyways, then you really don't have anything to lose. Just understand that he is shy, and so don't take it personal if he doesn't respond.

 

Good luck!

[Lady Luck]

you're right, I don't have anything to lose ^.^ that makes perfect sense. seriously. I think I'm going to ask him tomorrow, since it's the last day of classes. he said he wanted to see the AVP movie because he wanted to see how bad it is, so I'll ask him to that. I just hope we don't have a snow day tomorrow.. I'll freaking CRY. He's such a sweet person, I really hope I get to see him again.

 

PS: Sorry to the original poster for basically hogging this thread - I didn't mean to

[Adobe GIllis]

you're right, I don't have anything to lose ^.^ that makes perfect sense. seriously. I think I'm going to ask him tomorrow, since it's the last day of classes. he said he wanted to see the AVP movie because he wanted to see how bad it is, so I'll ask him to that. I just hope we don't have a snow day tomorrow.. I'll freaking CRY. He's such a sweet person, I really hope I get to see him again.

 

PS: Sorry to the original poster for basically hogging this thread - I didn't mean to

 

HAHA! Its OK. I still think its pertinent. A shy person is identifying who they like and hopefully you'll act upon it!

 

Good luck. I'm sure AVP will suck...

[BuckeyeBrigadier]

My type? Cute, intelligent, not crazy, and is interested in me. I see plenty of the first three qualities but none of the fourth.

[ilovepoemsalot]

95% of females who are over 18 and under 45.

[Adobe GIllis]

My type? Cute, intelligent, not crazy, and is interested in me. I see plenty of the first three qualities but none of the fourth.

 

But that is the point. When you limit yourself to those who you know are certainly interested, that can shorten the odds. I feel that I don't see much of the fourth either, but many people, and certainly many females may act coy or uninterested when inside they are fighting the urge to gawk at you. I know I do that. She looks at me and I look away. A friend of mine once said that if he likes a woman, she'll never know it.

[BuckeyeBrigadier]

But that is the point. When you limit yourself to those who you know are certainly interested, that can shorten the odds. I feel that I don't see much of the fourth either, but many people, and certainly many females may act coy or uninterested when inside they are fighting the urge to gawk at you. I know I do that. She looks at me and I look away. A friend of mine once said that if he likes a woman, she'll never know it.

Er I meant girls that are actually interested in me, including ones that are playing hard-to-get. Granted I'd drop any girl that was playing that game because I don't have the patience for it.

[stranded247]

But that is the point. When you limit yourself to those who you know are certainly interested, that can shorten the odds. I feel that I don't see much of the fourth either, but many people, and certainly many females may act coy or uninterested when inside they are fighting the urge to gawk at you. I know I do that. She looks at me and I look away. A friend of mine once said that if he likes a woman, she'll never know it.

 

But the problem is, can you honestly just grow to like someone? I mean there is a guy I know who likes me but I'm just simply not interested in him because he lacks depth and substance. Most people who jump into relationships where they never felt too strongly about the person end up bored and more likely to cheat. Well thats what I think. Its so frustrating because it sometimes seems like the odds of attraction being mutual are so low. Why is always one sided or worse unrequited?

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Someone I can laugh with.

[Adobe GIllis]

Hahaha that sounds like me.

 

.

 

For instance when I liked this one girl that was very outgoing and flirty, she would put advances on me but I wouldn't do anything because I was shy. She took my shy actions of avoiding her as if I was ignoring her or that I thought I was to good for her or stuck up. Needless to say she hates my guts now.

 

 

 

I wind-up in that EXACT situation, but she gets me in the end because I present a challenge to her and she winds up trying harder to the point of being a predator. In a cute way, if you know what I mean. I'm with you about challenges though. If she acts one-percent uninterested, I give up. Hmmm...am I lazy???

 

Which now brings me to Stranded's point about others growing on you. These people that I have ended-up giving-in to do possess certain traits I enjoy, but I find this out in their persistence. Maybe I find out in their process that they do exhibit some gravity or share some emotional interests. Sometimes I find out too late that those traits were contrived and I find out I was another conquest. Adobe gets heart-broken again, and Spider-sense gets even sharper. Now I'm practically paranoid about dating. I know, I know, that's my fault, and the bottom line is, I was the one that didn't exhibit self control in regards to remaining firm in my decision and not for taking some control of whom I would like to date in the first place, hence, my point of this thread. I need to be more proactive. At least try. It couldn't hurt. As a disclaimer, for guys....well, many of us are kinda dumb about this stuff. If I kept the same viewpoint as Stranded did about people I just really couldn't connect with initially, then I wouldn't get fooled in the end. Sheesh... I really hope Mr. Winky isn't the root cause (oh...pun not intended ). But when I reflect on it, the point where I give-in to someone that fires-off warning klaxons is usually when I relent to her cheapest of cheap-shots. For that, I get a big