Has she said Goodbye?

[JSHRN]

I haven't see my GF in 3 weeks. She called me last Saturday (the first time in a week) and said that aside from being busy with school, her family had a serious issue regarding her brother and she wasn't around much. Our relationship has cooled off in recent weeks but I have no idea why. (She hasn't said anything - just that she needed space. I don't have a problem with that. Last week, I called her cell phone and home number a total of 21 times (we always talked ALOT on the phone so this shouldn't seem unusual). Well, I didn't get one return call! I kept getting her voice mail and she still didn't return my calls. She called me Saturday at work and said that she wasn't ignoring my calls she was just very busy. Wouldn't you think that no matter how busy or stressed out you are - that a 2 minute phone call to say Hi and I'm okay would be nice?

 

We haven't talked about this because she won't return my calls. She always said that if she got tired of me or wanted to break up that she would tell me. Seems like she's doing that now without actually saying the words.

 

I'd like to get both woman's and man's opinions on this.

 

She's broken my heart and I swore after not really dating for 4 years that I would never let it happen again. I'm pissed off because once I let myself become vulnerable to her, she stabs me in the heart.

 

Please help.

[msvb60]

Seems like she's doing that now without actually saying the words.

 

She is doing just that. It sucks that this happened but really you don't need any more from her. She's trying to be nice and probably avoiding a conflict by letting you get upset so you'll dump her.

 

Stop all contact and move on.

[justagirl]

Our relationship has cooled off in recent weeks but I have no idea why. (She hasn't said anything - just that she needed space. I don't have a problem with that. Last week, I called her cell phone and home number a total of 21 times (we always talked ALOT on the phone so this shouldn't seem unusual). Well, I didn't get one return call! I kept getting her voice mail and she still didn't return my calls. She called me Saturday at work and said that she wasn't ignoring my calls she was just very busy. Wouldn't you think that no matter how busy or stressed out you are - that a 2 minute phone call to say Hi and I'm okay would be nice?.

 

 

 

I can understand why you are becoming frustrated and not understanding of whats going on. Calling her 21 times in a week without her calling back was probably not the best idea. I know you were only doing it because you were trying to figure out what was going on, you were/are concerned about her, she is your girlfriend and you are so used to talking as much as before. I know for a fact (previous experience) that calling as often and not getting a response is a sign that you are not giving her the space she needs. It will only make things worse. I know its incredibly hard to not contact someone you care about, but you have to respect their wishes and back off. I understand she is your girlfriend and you 2 are supposed to be able to communicate and such, but maybe she is trying to push you away without her feeling bad about it. It would seem like a 2 minute "hi i'm okay" call wouldn't be that much to ask, but to her it may possibly be asking way to much. Give her the space she needs, hopefully things will turn out good. I really do understand and I wish you all the best.

*~Justagirl~*

[JSHRN]

I just read this in one of the online articles here:

 

 

It is natural to let loose your emotions but never lose sight of your primary goal, to get her to tell you why she broke up with you in the first place.

 

The simple, "Could you please honestly tell me why you are breaking up with me?" should work since she most likely has prepared a list of answers for you. Once you have identified the reasons, it's time to formulate a plan of action as suggested in our next chapter on getting her back.

 

Seems I at least deserve an explanation or some insight into what is going on. Why the games? We had only dated for 4 months and she told me things that she said "I would never tell just anyone". Was I being played? Hard to believe. I'm 42 and she's 28 - obviously she's living a life that I've laready been through but she made the first move with everything. I was initially very cautious with her because I wasn't sure. Then we mutually fell in love. What the hell happened? Don't I at least deserve an explanation from her?

[justagirl]

You are 100% right, you deserve an explanation. Maybe she got scared about the feelings she was having and she is afraid of what will happen. I'm really not sure. only she can tell you what is going on in her head. She will have to tell you what happened and yes, you deserve an explanation because you cant go through your days wondering "what happened" and "what if I would have asked her, what would she have said." I say leave a message on her phone, telling her you 2 need to talk, if she doesnt respond try your best to move on. That way it will be on her whether or not she wants to call and explain, you have no burden on your shoulders whatsoever.

Wishing the best

~*Justagirl*~[/b]

[JSHRN]

I've messaged her home and cell phone saying that we need to talk. I'm not being smothering but I know I deserve an explanation. The not knowing part is worse than knowing. If I knew what happened and what is going on in her head, I could move on. I'm really in no mental condition to even be friendly or casually see someone because right now my heart is hurting and I'm emotionally unavailable to someone new. The old cliche "time heals all wounds" is a bunch of BS in my mind. Past relationships have taught me that. I've moved on as best I can from them but when I'm single and not dating anyone is when my mind becomes flooded with past memories of ex-girlfriends and I go through the heartbreak all over again. This latest sitaution was very different - I've felt stronger for her in such a short period of time than I ever did for any of my other GF's. She felt the same way and her friends confirmed that she was happier with me than they had ever seen her.

 

I guess since I don't know what is going in her mind that I have been kind of a pest.

 

There's a message on cell phone now that I didn't hear the phone ring. It's from saying "I didn't call you back because I didn't get a chance to. When I get a chance I'll call you". Seems kind of blunt but I guess I can't expect much more right now. She called and I guess she's okay. All I can do is wait - but why do I have to wait so long for a simple 10 second phone call. It's hard going from several phone calls a day to only 1 a week. I know she's aggravated by a lot of things in her life and I don't want to complicated that.

 

What more can I do?

[justagirl]

I understand the drop in conversations has you down. But there really isnt much more you can do but go on and let her call you. Its going to be extremely difficult to wait it out, but the explanation will be worth it in the end. She'll call back.

 

*~Justagirl~*

[bdub]

From my perspective, I'd say things aren't as bad as they may seem. If you overreact, it will get bad, though. I think you have made this into more than it really is. She keeps saying she is busy, and will call you when she has time. Maybe she doesn't want to seem rude and just call for 10 seconds to say that she is alright. Maybe she wants to get done with whatever she is working on so she can give you more undivided attention. Just don't freak out over nothing. Keep your cool. If she needs time, let her have it. Don't call her until she calls you back. Its hard, but it really is the best thing. It won't happen on a timeframe that is comfortable for you, but she WILL call you. RELAX.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[Shyguy24]

Mate no beating around the bush ;

 

i think its kinda insenstive for anyone not to call or atleast talk to you for like a length of time to say hey ive been upto this and doing that ;

 

what does she mean she hasant got the chance who is she BILL GATES or smthing that she dosent have time ,

 

ure not a baby she can easily call u at 4 in the mornin knowing u want to talk to her desperatly i would personally tell her to get lost , what if there was a emergency ..isnt love all about being there for one another

 

REalistically give it a break mate serious ; 0X

[JSHRN]

Please keep your responses coming! Mutual friends of ours have said that "you two are meant to be". They say it's just a bump in the road, but do wonder is she really that busy that she "doesn't have the chance to call". As I remember, this was a mutual thing between us 4 months. Now, she can' seem to fit me into her schedule. Seems strange, considering we were always able to talk and she was able to juggle school, family and me. What does anyone else see about this situation?