Had that nagging feeling. So I stooped and snooped.

[maxo]

You might consider the hotsi wellness center in houston.

 

They cure a lot of people (mostly women) with chronic fatigue, low thyroid, low sex drive, etc. They are not covered by insurance so you are looking at dropping about $3k a year.

 

They focus on diet and hormones mostly.

 

---

 

15 years ago I was involved with a lady who got these issues. We are friends to this day and I see her once a week. But she was very sick for over a decade, we were not married, and she had religious issues with me (still does even tho her religious friends pretty much abandoned her).

 

You may be able to have pleasure without penetration. Try just clitoral stimulation or petting or secondary erogenous zones. If you can't heal up, you are definitely looking at a non-standard relationship or being alone. If he has hung around 2 years without much in the way of physical pleasure then he's a champ-- especially if you are both young. I broke down and ran away after about 18 months myself-- after 6 months of singing "I gotta get out of this place" under my breath almost every day.

 

You need to find other ways to give him his cookies. Most of all, I hope you get well.

 

Your issues may be partially physical and partially mental by now. Look into EFT or other therapies for releasing the extra mental limitations you have put on yourself. Just like an athlete who injures themselves can either play through the pain or collapse and feel like a cripple (with the exact same injury and pain level), everyone has the same approach to life. If the fun is there, they will tend to push through the discomfort-- if not they will tend to emphasize their inability.

[JadedStar]

I think you are kidding yourself here. If he had said "i created the account to webcam with other women" you would not have been okay with it. And you SHOULDN"T have been okay with it. This is disgustingly disrespectful to do when you are in a relationship.

 

Secondly, getting him off the hook even a tiny bit beacuse you two can't have sex regularly as some is no excuse. MANY MANY men - and many men we have heard from on these forums - go thru this. You are not the only women with painful sex. They masterbate to PORN not live women where they shake their penis at a girl on a screen who in turn is touching herself and they are getting off. LOOK AT THIS ACTIVITY FOR WHAT IT IS. It is having sex with another person, NOT getting off to some porn chick in a video. Webcamming with a "real" willing and ready person is having sex. It may not be haivng "intercourse" but we are all adults here and we know that cyber sex can be very powerful. People have left spouses over a person they had cyber sex with so whomever tells you otherwise is blowing smoke up your skirt.

 

Do not allow your illness to degrade your morals and values. You know you don't think this is right - that is why you snooped to see if he is still up to his old tricks.

 

Lastly, your illness and sex problems is NOT the cause of this because he did it even BEFORE you were together with another girl. This is who he is. I have a feeling that if you were a dynamo in bed who swung from the chandalier he would STILL do this because this is a fetish of his that he is not ready to give up.

[buckdawg]

Empathy. bottom line. you + this guy =

image removed

[DN]

There is a difference between 'can't' have sex and 'not ready' for sex because 'not ready' implies you will be ready sooner or later - that some sort of cure for what is wrong is already happening.

 

Do you know if what is wrong is strictly physical or psychological or a combination - has there been any indication through any of the tests or an opinion by a doctor?

 

The motive for his behaviour would not be an issue if you were determined to leave him - but if you want to stay with him and try to work through these issues then it is vital that you find out - both of you. He may not even be sure himself.

 

On the one hand he certainly sounds like a jerk but you also describe other things that he has done that give another aspect to his character and only you can decide what is most important to you. I think it would be a mistake to say that no one else will want you because of your illness and thereforeeee you are scared to leave him. In the first place that is not a good reason to be with someone and secondly, what happens if you are cured? Do you then leave him because you think someone better will now love you?

 

I think this is a complicated relationship and situation - and you have some hard decisions to make - alone and together. Your primary decision is about whether you really love him and want him and can trust him. He must decide if he loves you enough to be with you and give up his shady behaviour. Together you must decide how to make this relationship work so you are both happy - or whether you should part altogether.

 

I am not qualified in any way to offer advice about your health issues but I would advise making sure that you have explored every option for getting them fixed. It might be worth doing a little more research into what aid is available to seek more medical advice.

[girlie-girl]

I still feel like you're making excuses for him and I agree whole heartedly with what JadedStar said about the whole webcam deal. Porn flicks are one sided, you watch and respond on your own. Webcam/cyber sex is an active participation by both parties; touch here, do that, say this etc. They are most definitely having sex with eachother rather than using it as a fantasy tool.

 

I also recommend not staying with him just because of your illness and the feeling that nobody else will want you. From the outside it doesn't seem too much like he wants you or he wouldn't be acting the way he does. Yeah I know it's 2007 and people have open relationships, but I'd bet that it was discussed and agreed upon before they started... not done in secret and hidden like in this case.

 

Still to me the anger he's showing you sends up a huge red flag. Don't short change yourself just because you are ill. There are a lot of wonderful men in the world, give yourself a chance to find one of them.

[Empathy]

I think you are kidding yourself here. If he had said "i created the account to webcam with other women"

 

 

No No No No. lol. That is not what I said. I said that he likes WATCHING the webcams. I let him LOOK at strip tease videos and stuff. But he is not to participate. And he doesn't. There's actually a huge difference there.

[ycmanvs]

No No No No. lol. That is not what I said. I said that he likes WATCHING the webcams. I let him LOOK at strip tease videos and stuff. But he is not to participate. And he doesn't. There's actually a huge difference there.

 

Of course there is a difference. However, the fact that you both have issues with addiction, and some sexual problems needs to be addressed. Please try to get some professional help. Whether or not you end up with him, at least you will know that you got some help.

[Empathy]

You may be able to have pleasure without penetration. Try just clitoral stimulation or petting or secondary erogenous zones.

 

 

We do that. He does get a sexual release. We do everything together in the way of "sex" besides anal (he's too big for that. lol) and actual sex.

 

 

 

 

 

There is a difference between 'can't' have sex and 'not ready' for sex because 'not ready' implies you will be ready sooner or later - that some sort of cure for what is wrong is already happening.

 

Do you know if what is wrong is strictly physical or psychological or a combination - has there been any indication through any of the tests or an opinion by a doctor?

 

 

Yes, if I find out what is wrong with the rest of me, there can be a cure for my gyno issues. And second, it is not in my head. I'm 100% sure of that. I'm already on antidepressants and I'm no better physically. I am mentally. And another telling factor, and any doctor will tell you this, is if it were in my head exercise would make me feel better. But for me, if I exercise my symptoms flare soooo badly and it last for days...Its hell and all I want to do is kill myself I'm in so much discomfort. The only thing I have to prove it is that my Epstein Barr virus titer was very high. Which indicates CFIDS but as I said, its too controversial. So no one will diagnose me with it.

[DN]

OK - just reaching here - but is it possible the side effects from the anti-depression meds are at least partly to blame? - a quick search shows there are certain side effects.

[Empathy]

Nah. Been sick two years, on the antidepressant for about 3 or 4 months. I really appreciate your help here guys. I remember posting here about my health/sex issues a while ago and I think only 2 or 3 people replied. No one knew what to say...

[ycmanvs]

Nah. Been sick two years, on the antidepressant for about 3 or 4 months. I really appreciate your help here guys. I remember posting here about my health/sex issues a while ago and I think only 2 or 3 people replied. No one knew what to say...

 

Well, if the Epstein Barr test is high, then it is definitely not just in your head.

As far as exercise, you need to do very simple things....like walking, slowly, but at least moving a bit....even some yoga....etc.

[DN]

Anything here that might help: link removed

[JadedStar]

No No No No. lol. That is not what I said. I said that he likes WATCHING the webcams. I let him LOOK at strip tease videos and stuff. But he is not to participate. And he doesn't. There's actually a huge difference there.

 

Empathy you said: So I told him if that was why, then its ok because I knew that he liked watching his little "strip tease" videos. These striptease webcam activiites on adultfriendfinder are interactive. These are live women looking to webcam with live men.

 

If you think he is going to look at another woman's webcamming and she not watch him too I think you are really duping yourself.

 

Now come on, you know that striptease VIDEOS are all over the Net. You do NOT sign up to a site like adultfriendfinder to watch porn vids. IT is INTERACTIVE.

 

I think he is really pulling a number on you.

[GrlIntheCrowd]

Empathy,

 

He has lied to you. This time you did some detective work and found out. He has NO intention of telling you any of this. He go CAUGHT. He is trying to cover his tracks. He HAS to tell you something that will soothe your pain.

 

Here is the bottom line. If he is still showing suspitious patterns of behavior, this means he has NOT changed. He may be trying to change. But, that is irrelevant and useless to you. He needs to seek help and heal himself before he can even think about being in a committed relationship with anyone.

 

Someone who has deep commitment issues, and possible sexual addiction issues, is being rather unfair by getting himself involved with someone else. He is creating a really messy situation. If he truly loved you, he would walk away from you and tell you he will return when he is ready to give you what you NEED and DESERVE, that you are worth more than what he is offering right now.

 

He has issues. See, I have NOTHING to hide from my boyfriend. I would let him check my e-mail, listen to my messeges, read my texts, etc. He is hiding. I'm not saying he is cheating on you physically, but the bottom line is that not only is his behavior suspitious, hurtful, and sexual (in a non-monogomous way), but that you will NEVER know whether he has cheated on you unless YOU find out. He got caught this time. He did not confess. So, if he cheated, you would have to catch him. Do you really always want to wonder. You cannot trust this man right now. He has to deal with his demons before he can offer you a complete person who can give honestly and selflessly. You will always wonder and suspect. You MUST leave this relationship as soon as possible, before you get hurt and lost more trust, and before he causes you more emotional, and psychological damage.

 

He is in no position to be dragging anyone else into his mess. He is doing you a great disservice. Leave him.

[Rabican]

I hate to be blunt, but I think you need a good shove in the right direction to kick him to the curb.

 

he accepts you for who you are 110%. You are the girl who will let him cheat, and when caught make excuses for it, listen to his blather about how he was curious. And deny the plain truth thats right in front of you for everyone to see. When you decide that you are done being a doormat, you will be much happier. Trust me.

[Olive.Juice]

...he never thought of cybersex and such as cheating until I opened his eyes and he realized how hurtful it is...

 

So, if he is now aware that this is cheating, he in essense was cheating, no?

That is how I would feel about it.

[krazykikikat]

This guy has a problem. If you love him then I know it's hard to let go, but you simply can't trust a guy who does this stuff. Does he even seem to feel BAD about it?? I mean, he didn't think webcam stuff is cheating.. geez. I don't mind if my guy looks at porn, I mean everyone needs a little outside stimulation... but so MUCH of it just can't mean good things. You need to dump this guy.