After 5 months, back to stage 1

[bobsiesprincess]

Sorry for posting again....... i just need support

 

Its his birthday today. I did so much last year to make sure he had the best birthday ever. I hope he notices this year somethings missing.

 

For the first time since we split up, I looked at photos of us. It was so hard. We looked so happy in them all.

 

I feel worse than I ever have. This is worse than when we first split up cos back then people were flooding round me........ now im alone. Hopefully after new year is over I get back on my feet. Christmas, combined with seeing him, texting him, his birthday, and new year has just set me back to stage 1.

 

I cant go out in town cos i cant risk seeing him again. Especially if he does start going out with this new girl. It will kill me.

 

I just dont know what to do with myself.

[S agapo]

Stay strong and keep telling yourself you were the best he ever had.

One day, and I have seen it happen to other people, Men cry after they realize what they should of held onto in the first place.

 

The way i see it, there are a lot of manipulative selfish women out there who have no scrupes who they mess about with to get what they want, and one day, our ex's will fall into their poison and see and realize they should of worked harder with us.

 

But look, ur 21 years old; your young, you have so many years infront you not to worry about a boy who let u go. I wish I was 21 again and be back at college having not to worry about finding mr right and marriage and kids. Im 27, and now I have reached that age, its what I want the most right now. And all those years, I kept my heart close to me, locked, and when i meet my ex and saw potential long term relationship i found myself falling for him big time, and I gave him a gift that was honest and genuine.

 

It really hurts I know.

 

Know what they say now?

Once bitten twice shy.

 

Just remember you were the best he had in his life, and I am sure as I am in my situation they realize that deep down. Just too chicken to face it now after the hurt. I know I said a few things that might of hurt my ex, but I some were expressing some truthness, but doesn't excuse him for not being straight with me and ignoring me the way he did.

[elveden]

But look, ur 21 years old; your young, you have so many years infront you not to worry about a boy who let u go.

 

Alotta truth there..

[Papillion]

hang in there and please know there's light at the end of the tunnel bobsiesprincess.

 

every hour you spend feeling lonely, every day you resist the urge to out on the town and block out the pain, is another tick in the box of your next relationship. You are healing, and improving, and learning. And all of this will be to your benefit in the mid to long term. Believe me.

 

Dont get too low hen, and don't rush into anything. Just be. Look after yourself. You have a beautiful smile, it's going to light up the life of some lucky guy who doesn't know it yet!

[lost_for_words]

Its his birthday today. I did so much last year to make sure he had the best birthday ever. I hope he notices this year somethings missing.

 

I've got the same thing going on but in reverse.

 

Today is MY birthday and he made last year so special for me that I'm really noticing that somethings missing today.

[bobsiesprincess]

thank you everyone for the replies, it really means alot to me.

 

gemini - i know ur right, im only 21. but i think sometimes it makes it worse cos i know i should be out with all my friends having the time of my life and im not. theyve all let me down and are all in long term relationships.

 

i like what u say about remembering were the best they had. i honestly dont know how he could find sum1 who adores him more than me. and hopefully both our exes will realise what a big mistake they made, but it will be too late and well be with mr perfect who will never let us go!

 

papillion - thank you so much for the comment about my smile, first thing thats put a smile on my face all day.

 

lost for words - happy birthday girl!! I hope u have as good a day as u can.

[buckdawg]

i know the ups and downs are frustrating because you want to get over it and start moving on but sometimes something yanks you back. i don't think you're back to square one though, it's just a setback and you will be able to back on track shortly.

[Beginningandend]

I think in the back of our minds we always hope our exes will somehow fall off the face of the earth so we don't have to worry about seeing them again. Running into them almost always is an inevitability though, and it can shake us up.

 

I don't believe you are back to stage 1. Seeing him, combined with contacting him has set you back, but not that far. It just feels like it has.

[Straightj06]

 

For the first time since we split up, I looked at photos of us. It was so hard. We looked so happy in them all.

 

.

 

I have photos of my "first love" like a whole folder, if i look at those i will breakdown. Im totally over her, but it was the best ive ever had and you always remember your first. Even to today i have flashbacks when people mention her name but its part of life. I just rest happily knowing that nobody will ever had what we have, and we are part of each others memories.

 

Stay strong girl!

[S agapo]

i know i should be out with all my friends having the time of my life and im not. theyve all let me down and are all in long term relationships..

 

 

 

Know what u mean.

 

I don't have any friends.

I had 2 (one male and one female) and they have cut me out completely. When I try to make some contact especially recently I get the impression they want to avoid me and make up these lame excuses. And when they say they will get back to me, they don’t. I have lost the respect and trust especially the female one who I have cut loose now as I had enough being treated like a door mat and her making me feel intimidated. She only remembers who I am when she wants something, or when she is ‘free’ in her diary, or when she has petty arguments with the boyfriends that have come and gone since I have known her.

Friends who remember u and then forget u, u do not need.

This female person I know criticize my relationship, and warned me not to forget her that I had someone in my life. I never once complained or said anything about the boyfriends she had had and has at the moment if she is still with him. They think for their own terms.

 

I have my family, and u have yours.

[S agapo]

Make new friends, and cut loose those that make u feel invinsible. I am!

[rvision]

Nah your not at stage 1 at all, your Stage 1.b

 

Chin up, think how far you've come. Well done.

[S agapo]

Look at it this way, you have taken one step back, but have taken several steps forwards anyways.

[enchiladaman]

This might not make a lot of sense, but at 21 you still have a lot of growing to do as a person. This guy may seem great for you now, but in a few years you and him will have grown apart. My ex of 4 years ago recently called me up to see how I was doing and she sounded the same, but I could tell that I was a completely different person. I had grown and changed. We dated in college and since then I had taken a job, have my own condo, have dated and been in a lot of new relationships. My life and personal growth has taken me to new and better places.

 

So you see, the person that was right for me at 21 was just that...right for me at that exact time and place. Were they the person that I was destined to get old and grow with? Unfortunately not. Our lives were taking us two different directions and what seemed like a traumatic split at the time, I now look back and am thankful because it just wasn't meant to be. I was destined for greater for ME. And she was destined for greater for HER...but that would not include an US.

 

I believe in serendipity and I believe in fate, and I believe in love. And I believe that when we do meet that person you will wonder why the hell you ever stressed out so much over this guy.

 

Go out and live your life. Your life is a blank slate now...so write it. Claim your life and don't waste another second of your 20's worrying about what could have been. You do not get your 20's back and they are precious years. Don't forget that.

[HajiMaji]

Im gonna try and make this short. Basically, you have been on this site doing a bunch of healing. You have been nice and supportive to a bunch of people and participated in a lot of healing. You feel like you are back at stage one because the pain can still be extreme. Somtimes the pain is as deep as it was 3 days after the break up. The pain is as intense, but you have still made miles and miles of progress. They are separate things. Just because you feel super hurt doesnt mean you lost anything. You are ever moving forward, and many people have seen the progress you have made.

 

I feel for your pain though. I know how it can hurt. You are going to get in a good palce before you know it. You are still doing the right things. I think sometimes when we do better for a while the pain can be somewhat suprising when it comes back. I just know you arent all the way back at stage one. You are definitely moving forward, although that is painful in itself sometime.

[bobsiesprincess]

wow, so many replies, thank you all!

 

i hope you are all right, i cant really be back to the beginning, its probably just going to be a tough week and then ill bounce back to where i was (i hope)

 

beginningandend - i know this is terrible and selfish thing to say but i really do hope either me or my ex would drop off the face of the earth cos its just to hard to face him. but june 08 and i can run away from this for good!

 

straightj06 - i know what you mean, i guess your first love is always going to have a special place, and you can't just forget about that. i kind of wish id met my ex later in life when he was ready to be in a relationship, rather than now. i think i was the right person but wrong time. but i guess i am part of his memories and he won't forget me. it just hurts. i wonder if he thinks of me they way i think of him i wish i could know what went on in his head.

 

gemini27 - im so sorry to hear your in the same position as me friends wise. ive found that the hardest in this whole breakup. if i had a good group of friends im sure this would be so much easier. your right, we both have our family and im so grateful for them, but its like im never going to meet a new guy hanging around with my family. im trying hard to meet new friends, but the stage of my life im at its kind of hard, cos nothings gona change until uni finishes, i dont have the opportunity to meet lots of new people and things. plus my confidence is at an all time low so i find it hard to talk to people.

 

enchiladaman - you make a good point, which my mum and dad have tried to make to me. we both have alot of growing up to do, i just wish we could have done it together. i am a blank slate, i need to make a good life for myself. and i hope i meet the guy soon who makes me realise the ex wasnt perfect for me.

 

haji - thank you so much for the kind words, it meant alot. your so right, i have come so far and i cant expect to never feel any pain again.....he was a huge part of my life. i hope you are doing ok.

[cptanarky]

i broke up with my ex the same time as you... im still struggling being that i meet up with her for a drink lately (no idea why i did it now)... she is now living with one of my former mates and i have to hear about what they are doing etc etc and see them together sometimes... i think the best advice is to go out and do different things that u would normally do i have started playing squash alot and it has been great to take my mind off things...