Seems one step forward, and all that...

[need2bme]

OK, before I get blasted about another one of these posts, I just wanted to explain that I just CANNOT get her outta my head....

 

I know I have posted that I just decided to surrender and realize that I love her and I will cherish the good times, but apparently my brain, subconscious, id, superid, ego or whatever HAS NOT gotten the memo about surrendering.

 

I am so having an emotional inner civil war. If I were honest, I would even say that there is STILL part of me that secretly wants her back. She DOES NOT want me. She DOES NOT want what we had, if it was even real and I still cannot let it go...

 

I tell myself constantly that it will be fine; it just takes time. I don't text her or call her, what good would that do? (I have enough sense to not crush my own heart again).

 

I have even thought that what she did had to be done. I get why she did it. I understand that she was moving way too fast and I was outta control...

 

...and yet, SHE is still on my mind constantly. I redirect my thoughts to something else and there she is again. I should take some solace in the fact that I can function at work now and I can actually get things done...

 

...but this is REALLY starting to bug me that I just still want her so badly...

 

Thanks for letting me rant....maybe it is because my birthday, her birthday and the holidays all are happening...I don't flippin' know...

[parralax]

At times love is like a crack habit. You want it and can't have it. Holiday season makes sad people feel worse because you are supposed to be happy because its holiday time etc. Think of yourself as a junkie, you are having a craving, have a wallow and then get on with it. Don't let it consume you.

[Sadman84]

dont wait around for her, move on, meet women, theres better out there

[hpsowce]

I understand your frustrations, sometimes in this healing game you can be desperately trying to pedal forwards and still feel yourself slipping backwards. I believe the problems stem from how unresponsive our subconscious minds can be to our conscious will and reasoning, I've heard the conscious mind described as a very small sail on a very big boat, it takes a hell of a lot of effort and patience to make your subconscious mind go the way you want it to! That said the subconscious mind is unbelievably powerful, once you've got it set on something there's not much that can stand in its way.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's still relatively early days for you as it is me, and we are all allowed to lose patience with the process now and again. Just keep reminding yourself that you ARE getting through this, whether it feels like you are or not, don't let those negative thoughts go unchallenged, you might let a few go but you know they aren't real. The negative thoughts and emotions are like the death throws of your subconscious addiction to this woman, your subconscious doesn't want to change, it's hard, it takes a long time, it's easier (in a bizarre way) to carry on loving this person and yearning after them, but you KNOW you want to change, and you ARE going to get over this.

 

I'm making progress, it's slow and some days are hard, especially now it's winter and the days seem ridiculously short whilst the nights seem agonisingly long and dark and lonely. But after every winter is a summer, after every sunset there'll be a sunrise and after every bad time there'll be a good time, the trick is not to lose heart and miss out on the good by getting mired in the bad. We'll get through this, everyone on this site will get through it because just by coming here and searching for answers, reaching out for that human connection with others that feel our pain we've shown that we have the will and desire to fix ourselves.

[buckdawg]

hpsowce said it very well but i would also like to add that the holidays are killers for people in our position.

 

most important thing is to not beat yourself up. it happens a lot of times it doesn't make sense why it's happening.

 

hang in there and there will be better days ahead.

[cabman]

Hey!!!!.....you just took the words right out on my mouth.

[need2bme]

WOW, thank you guys.

 

BuckDawg: I understand that it is up and down and I gotta let the "up" side win. I know that it will take much time to get better. I know this, because I know that I loved deeply on this one and I know I loved right. I may not have always acted on my emotions in the correct manner, but I know I showed her so much love.

 

Hposowce: WOW! That was very well written and is very true. I read somewhere that it DOES take a long time to submit something to the subconscious and to get out subconscious to think about the new habit. It is where we get a lot of our direction, without even knowing it. I guess the trick is to cotinually work on getting the right stuff into the subconscious.

 

As a side note, even my son is getting tired of hearing about the ex. ;-)

[-BK-]

Crack kills!

[benga]

Hey there... I totally understand your feelings. Healing is a tough one. It has no time frames and nothing really that you can gaurantee. But there is one thing for certain, you will be ok. Everybody has different circumstances and everybody deals with a crisis differently. Time, time time.... nothing else but time.

 

I understand your feelings, your emotions and your pain. I find myself walking down a similar path all too often.

 

Love indeed is an addiction. I would recommend that you get yourself another addiction instead to get over with this is one

 

There are days and weeks I feel just fine and positive.. But then comes the low which I am certain will also pass. Understand yourself and understand that you will be alright....

 

Hang in there buddy