Progress??? Rant!!!!

[cabman]

It's been 4-1/2 months since the breakup.

 

I started a new job 2 weeks ago.

 

I started going to church again a month ago.

 

I excerise daily

 

I eat right

 

I got a pet

 

I am looking to get into some type of volunteer work.

 

I read alot

 

I have been going to therapist for an objective view on things

 

Here's the problem.

 

I still miss her terribly

 

I still have tears, though not as much.

 

I still think of her daily

 

I feel so alone

 

I still feel sad

 

I feel unmotivated

 

I don't know if I will ever feel like myself again. I am dreading the holidays. Everyone seems to have someone to share it with. Everywhere I go there are couples. I miss caring for someone that cares for me. I miss the touching and holding hands. I miss sharing my life with someone. I miss the intimacy. I miss the SEX.

 

Thanks for listening ENA

[grn]

4.5 months is still early...i think your progressing well. its important not to linger on your feelings, ignore them long enough and they'll go away.

posted this a few weeks ago on how i recovered, maybe it will help

 

 

[buckdawg]

it sucks. i'll string together 3 or 4 days in a row where i'm feeling pretty good, like, 'yeah i can do this' and then for some reason it's another 2 or 3 days in the crapper. right now i'm in one of the 'up swings' and i'm actually scared of what i know is going to happen eventually.

 

what else can we do huh? it is getting easier i guess. just can't rush things, keep on feeling the emotions instead of fighting them and we'll get through this eventually.

[cabman]

it sucks. i'll string together 3 or 4 days in a row where i'm feeling pretty good, like, 'yeah i can do this' and then for some reason it's another 2 or 3 days in the crapper. right now i'm in one of the 'up swings' and i'm actually scared of what i know is going to happen eventually.

 

what else can we do huh? it is getting easier i guess. just can't rush things, keep on feeling the emotions instead of fighting them and we'll get through this eventually.

 

 

Yes it sucks....I would like to fast forward to the end of this roller coaster. Easier?...I would say when I feel good it's easier. When I feel bad, It sucks just like it has for the last 4-1/2 months.....

 

Good luck to us.

[-BK-]

cabman, I don't know your whole story, so I can't claim to know how long it should or shouldn't take you. What I will say is that I'm impressed with how much you've done to better yourself! You are reading, working out, eating, going to church, etc. The therapist is a good idea. The one thing I see missing from your list of "improvement" list is socialization. Are you going to the movies with a friend, attendng a BBQ, meeting new people, going away for a weekend with a church group? Those activities will really help you practice talking about how much you've done with your life and make you feel good about who you are. You'll soon stop missing the past...

[cabman]

cabman, I don't know your whole story, so I can't claim to know how long it should or shouldn't take you. What I will say is that I'm impressed with how much you've done to better yourself! You are reading, working out, eating, going to church, etc. The therapist is a good idea. The one thing I see missing from your list of "improvement" list is socialization. Are you going to the movies with a friend, attendng a BBQ, meeting new people, going away for a weekend with a church group? Those activities will really help you practice talking about how much you've done with your life and make you feel good about who you are. You'll soon stop missing the past...

 

I can't say that I have done a lot of socialization. I have done some. When I moved to my current location I had no friends in the area. All my activities were with the ex's friends or family. They became my friends until the breakup. Now its just me. I won't say that I am a recluse, but since the breakup there has not been a lot going on socially with me. The church and volunteer were ideas that would put me in a position to meet new people. Time will tell.

[-BK-]

I can't say that I have done a lot of socialization. I have done some. When I moved to my current location I had no friends in the area. All my activities were with the ex's friends or family. They became my friends until the breakup. Now its just me. I won't say that I am a recluse, but since the breakup there has not been a lot going on socially with me. The church and volunteer were ideas that would put me in a position to meet new people. Time will tell.

 

It sounds like you are taking the right steps. I think volunteer work and the church are good ideas. I don't know that any one thing is the right answer, but being social will help -- even if it feels like it sucks sometimes. I'm headed out to go bowling with a couple of friends tonight. When it was brought up to me, I thought it was a horrible idea... then someone said to me, "You never know if it'll suck or you'll have a great time unless you go. If it sucks, you won't be disappointed. If it's fun, you'll be happy you went. I'm speaking as if it's easy -- it's not -- but it will help over time. Good luck, cabman!

[shell80]

Cabman...I completely understand how you feel.

 

I decided to get my backside into gear to help the healing process and have done lots in the time since the breakup 2.5 months ago...graduated, job interviews, preparing to make a big move etc, and while I feel good about this all, I am very lonely and sad still.

 

I think we just have to accept that we will feel like this for a while longer - but at least we are still accomplishing things in the meantime. I think it helps if you put your energy into a new project whatever that may be....for me it was being the best teacher I could be.

 

BK - is so right. Getting out and meeting new people will help big time, and you never know what is around the next corner..

 

All the best my friend.

[HajiMaji]

It's been 4-1/2 months since the breakup.

 

I started a new job 2 weeks ago.

 

I started going to church again a month ago.

 

I excerise daily

 

I eat right

 

I got a pet

 

I am looking to get into some type of volunteer work.

 

I read alot

 

I have been going to therapist for an objective view on things

 

All these things are awesome. These are great. I cannot stress it enough. The sucky part is these things dont make our hearts feel better, but these are the ingredients in the recipe. You just have to let it cook now. I am sorry that the delicious cookies of healing take so long to bake, but you are using the best ingredients from what it seems.

Here's the problem.

 

I still miss her terribly

 

I still have tears, though not as much.

 

I still think of her daily

 

I feel so alone

 

I still feel sad

 

I feel unmotivated

 

I don't know if I will ever feel like myself again. I am dreading the holidays. Everyone seems to have someone to share it with. Everywhere I go there are couples. I miss caring for someone that cares for me. I miss the touching and holding hands. I miss sharing my life with someone. I miss the intimacy. I miss the SEX.

 

Thanks for listening ENA

Buddy, i know how much it can hurt. It takes a long time especially when we loved so deeply. I am glad you miss all those things because it shows that you have a lot of room in your heart for love. Its a beautiful reason to live for. The problem is right now you are hurting over it all, but thats ok. I want to promise you that you are doing everything right. It is just gonna hurt. In time though, without you really noticing, you are going to feel better. Like I said before, you are following the recipe perfectly. You are going to feel better. You cannot do what you are doing and not make progress in due time. You cant mess up a cake when you followed the directions perfectly and used fresh ingredients. The water and flour and baking soda mix together with time in the oven and it turns delicious every time. There is no random factor to mess it up. Just like the steps in a cake recipe you are going through steps in a healing recipe. You cant mess it up. The crappy part is it hurts, but I promise you that the cake batter doesnt like getting cooked at 325 for 30 minutes either.

[Sadman84]

I know how to get yourself back!

 

Meet a girl who is amazing, it wont be a quick search, but as soon as you have her, you'll be back and better than you're ex ever knew you