Sad, alone, and feeling helpless

[babymamahr01]

Hi everyone,

 

This is what happened to me. I got pregnant and married when I was 18 to a guy who blinded me with what was supposed to be love! He told me when we found out I was pregnant that we would get married and everything would work out. Well, I was young and scared so we tied the knot. Huge mistake. He was always at work or out with his friends and I was the one left at home taking care of our baby. He claimed he loved us but could never find the time for us. Well, of course I gave him chance after chance thinking that he could change.....but they don't. He wasn't ready for a child and may never be. I have been divorced for two months now and been away from him for almost a year now. My daughter has adjusted and I got sole custody of her and he is no longer in her life. He told me after the divorce that he wanted the single life and that he never wanted a child.. I am 21 with a young child, living on my own and have no friends ( he was very controlling and wouldn't allow me to have any ). I get down but I just remember how he wasn't there when we were together so the only real difference is what is on paper! I was just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and if anyone can offer some advice on making being a single mommy easier. I see so many people my age out having fun while I am at home. I can't afford a sitter and love my daughter very much .... havn't worked since she was born cause I don't want to put her in daycare and would miss too much that way since they are only young once. I love being a mommy but miss being 21 can anyone offer some advice to let me know that life will get better?

[Ry2003]

 

 

Give your child everything, love her and cherish her - don't make her regret who she is.

 

You have made a mistake, learn from it. Get out and about, take your baby girl. If someone is to love you they must love her.

 

I wish you good luck

[avman]

Hi,

 

Well first of all I would hope this guy is paying you support. Whether he is part of his childs life or not, he still must provide for his daughter.

 

With that said, I understand you are in a tough spot. Its hard to be a single parent - no matter what the situation.

 

Maybe you can go back to school - apply for scholarships and aid packages if your income is low or nonexistant. Many schools have childcare available for students while they are in class. Then you can be more prepared to land a better job. You would also have a chance to meet people in school and make some friends.

 

Check out your neighborhood and see if there is a babysitting club. If there isn't, maybe you can start one. This is where people trade babysitting nights with each other instead of having to use cash. So if you babysit someone's child for a night you earn a credit. Then you can use that credit and they will babysit your child. You could then go out and have some fun! The babysitting club would be another good way to meet some people and make some friends (of any age).

 

Do you belong to a church? Or have you been wanting to join one? Many churches have all sorts of programs for single parents. They help with childcare, put you in touch with job programs, host singles nights for people to get together, etc.

 

I hope this helps.

[Kitty Gadol]

I have been in a situation much like yours. I did something very similar to what Avman suggested. I went to college, where my daughter was looked after by professional childminders, in the room next door to me. If you really feel you cannot be apart from her, give Gingerbread a call. They are a group that help single parents (male and female). They aim to get you out and about with your child(ren) and meet lots of new friends in the process, and they are always there if you need to chat. You could also ask your Dr or health visitor about Homestart. You are assigned a worker that comes to your home, and they chat with you, or watch your child while you do some housework...in fact, they are they to help YOU, in whatever way you need. All you need to do is tell them what you need, and they will do all they can to provide it for you. Go on...give them a call! You have nothing to lose and so much to gain!

Love Kitty x