How do you survive when your soulmate dies?

[rsrs1491]

Romantic Sweetheart's post was the only source of true comfort I've found since I learned in May that my soulmate passed away. Thank you Romantic Sweetheart.

[RubyWoo]

Sunflower, I am so sorry for your loss and I want to send you a huuuuuge hug.

 

I don't have a personal story to share that compares to this, but I will share my mum's. She lost her first love at 18, her high school sweetheart, in an accident. She has told me all about it, I knew from a very young age and she always kept talking about him and still does because he is still alive in her heart.

 

After a few years, she met my dad and fell in love with him and had me and my brother. My dad passed only 10 days ago, my mum has widowed at only 49. She is heartbroken, destroyed, devastated. But everytime I talk to her she tells me "life is wonderful, I love life despite all that has happened" and she truly does love life.

 

She tells me we have to be thankful for the time we get to spend with these people that change our lives. Some people NEVER experience such love, and even if it has been taken away from you in such a horrible way, you were so lucky to have him in your life.

 

I hope you will find the strength to keep pushing through, and write in here whenever you feel down, let it out and share with us

[emgj1984]

This beautiful person that you loved with all your heart.....Loved you, and still loves you. The bonds between soulmates are forever....You will be together always, in many lifetimes, in many relationships, always in love. There has not been a time when you have been without, even if one must leave before the other.

 

 

What Romantic Sweeetheart said is SO magical, even over a year after the loss of the man I was planning on spending the rest of my life with everything she said still really helps me.

 

It was this kind of thinking that helped me get through it.

 

I even said to a good friend of mine that in many ways (she had just been dumped) it's better than a break up because there was no choice involved... he will always love you, you will eternally have this beautiful relationship.

 

Make the most of when you dream of him, recall the dreams as much as you can as that will lead to more (but be careful, dont do what I did for a while and just constantly want to be sleeping so that I could see him in my dreams), keep him alive by talking about him, to him.

 

Eventually it will get easier I promise!

[Liraele]

You just...do. Over the years, I've taken a different look at what constitutes a soul mate... I think that we each have more than one, and that there are different types of soul mates... but each teaches us a valuable lesson (or lessons) in life. I know right now that probably doesn't bring you much comfort... but you take it one day, one step at a time. Eventually your grief becomes less overwhelming, and things like the sun shining on your face, or a cool breeze playing with your hair... those remind you of their smile, their touch... and make you smile instead of cry, make you laugh instead of break down... remind you that there is peace to be found in the continuing to live and thrive and be the person that they knew you could. You learn to make them proud of who you've become, and you learn to let go of the fear, and pain, and grief and continue to grow.

[Rhonda48236]

I know this is an older post but this is the most beautiful post I have ever read. I lost my son in September and his fiance is grieving so bad, almost as bad as me and I am going to send this link to her. Its beuautiful about the soulmates. Thanks for posting this.

[IAmFCA]

Enotalone fam,

 

This thread from 2007 is beautiful. Thank you for creating it. I lost someone I loved deeply a year ago. The thread has been helping me.

 

He was not part of my public life, and I know I didnt earn the right to a public support system. I have been discovering my grief in private waves, and I have been discovering how entirely unprepared I was to wade into the world without him.

 

This is rather amusing. Under his care, I became soft, nurturing and trusting because he was absolutely the most trustworthy man on the planet. He was gruff and impatient, but he was straight.

 

Over the past year, I have learned how ridiculously soft I have become. I do not want to be hard again. I am trying to learn to be soft and discerning. It is more peaceful, and terribly difficult, and well, I haven't learned it yet.

 

I just miss him terribly. Thank you for saying that's okay.

[MarkLovesJoan]

A soulmate is the one person in the world who knows you even better than you know yourself. It is the person who loves and accepts you unconditionally, with all your faults. It is the person who will defend you against all comers, who is totally dedicated to your relationship, who has more in common with you than anyone else. Its the one who makes you happier than you ever thought you could be. A soulmate is the love of your life, your one and only TRUE love. Just as the words imply... it is the person that your very soul has mated with. The death of my soulmate is, by far, the most devastating thing that will ever happen to me because half of my soul died, too. I lost my love, but I have decided to go up instead of down, to be upbeat, happy and positive in my attitude instead of down beat, miserable and negative about everything. I am happy because I am healing and I am happy because I know that somewhere up there, my love is applauding and waiting for me. I now remember and live by four words: "I am so lucky." I WILL hold her again someday. We met when we were 12, became friends but never really hooked up and then for 21 years we were apart before the best day of both our lives happened..."Groundhog Day" 2003...and we had 8, nearly 9 years together. I just have to wait again before we reunite...I am so lucky! I LOVE my wife with all that I am and she loves me too.

[emgj1984]

Dear Sunflower

I've been there. Slightly different in that we'd only been together 6 months, but I'd never been much of a romantic and after a couple of weeks we were moved in together. We were going to get married. Next thing I know I wake up in hospital with a head injury and asking for him, trying to call him. I thought my parents were mad because he was driving the bike. Because of the head injury they weren't allowed to tell me for 3 weeks that he was in fact dead. So, yes, a sudden death. Impossible to accept at first. So much denial and crying and dreaming and actually wanting to be asleep in order to dream of him.

The thing that got me through it the most was probably thinking of him and us and what we had as a perfect relationship, a beautiful 25 year old for ever in time. I can go back in my mind, he is always there for me to talk to. He had a lot of faith, which helped me a little too I guess, although I'm not religious...

I promise you it will get less hard. There still won't be a day that goes by you don't think of him for a very very long time. It really helped me when I could see his friends and talk about him.

Keep him alive in your heart and head while at the same time working through and moving past these bad days.

He would want you to be happy and eventually meet someone that can make you happy. I can hardly believe it, but it's been 2.5 years and I'm now in a great relationship again. I had one person (who's husband died) tell me it's Ok, you're young, and I did kind of resent that at the time, but it's true, it's not like you're in your 50/60/70s, there will be another person who will make you happy and never feel guilty because he'd have wanted you to be happy.

[Ayanokōji]

Time heals all wounds, those who say it doesn't probably couldn't live long enough to have fully healed. Losing the person you care most about in life pretty much makes you question your own existence but know that there are over 6 billion people on the planet and the chances of you finding the "one" being something like 1 in a few billion suggests that there is no such thing as "the one", you will find love again one day if you stay optimistic and let time heal your wounds.

 

The most important thing is to keep an open eye, a open mind and most importantly an open heart.

[TheBlessedOne]

Hello Sunflower,

 

I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I wish I could take the pain away, but perhaps a few kind and uplifting words can ease some of the sorrow.....

 

I think about the truth of love and soulmates...And everything in my heart, and everything I have read and understood, reveals that soulmates are never separated, not even in death. Once love is created, it is never destroyed. Death and separation are illusions that exist in the physical--they exist for important soul lessons, but they exist as a thin veil over our deep soul-consciousness. We only need to think of a beloved person, and they are there. We only need to call out in our hurt and despair, and we are comforted.

 

Loss in the physical is so painful, because it seem permanent. But death is our passageway into a new life; death is like walking from one room to another room, yet still being in the same house. In the ancient days, fall was considered the beginning of the year. This is because people of yore recognised that death is the beginning, not the end.

 

It is so hard for us here now to accept this, because our pain is real, our pain is immense, and we long to hold the body of our loved one, we long to hear their voice, see their eyes, clasp their hands, walk with them down many paths. It seems impossible that a beautiful life can end so soon. How can this be? How can these alive eyes and this alive voice and this alive soul be subtracted from existence?

 

And yet....he has not.....and yet...he still exists. As surely as you do. A person, whether here for 80 years or 20 years, has lived the life s/he was destined to live. Every experience created and shared was fashioned out of the deepest, most perfect love...even our sorrowful lessons, even our painful lessons.

 

I remember Gibran saying "Your sorrow is no less wondrous than your joy" "Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding"

 

This beautiful person that you loved with all your heart.....Loved you, and still loves you. The bonds between soulmates are forever....You will be together always, in many lifetimes, in many relationships, always in love. There has not been a time when you have been without, even if one must leave before the other.

 

I found an inspirational song that highlights the idea of twin flame love....And the belief that there is no separation. If you would like, you can listen to the music and watch the touching video. I think this beautiful music will speak to your heart.

 

We follow our loved ones in their journeys, even if they transcend the physical to the spirit realm and beyond. Part of our souls are permanently infused in theirs---indestructible, infinite, glorious. You, the you that you are now, with all of your beauty and spark and deepest thoughts, are contained in the heart of his soul.

 

And so, like a mother carries with her always some of the little cells of each of her children inside her womb, so too, do you carry him, and he carries you...beyond all space and time.

 

In dreams he will come to you......And tell you it is all right. Trust in him, believe in him, bless him on his path. For he will never be far away....not more than a thought, or a tear, or a silent smile, away.

 

Bless you......May you be comforted.....May you be lifted to the heart of God....may you find peace......May your grief be the potion which heals the self......May your sorrow be the winter of your heart that gives way to the delicate birth of spring......

 

May you appreciate and honor your sacred soul....And the pain that cleanses it now.....And not rush the process, but embrace it, as you embrace that which is holy and true........

 

You live now, a part of him.....A soul, carrying the secrets of a life not lived in vain. You will love always. You will find joy again. You will not forget, but you will transcend, and you will live. And you will understand the deepest part of the self that longs to become a part of love's heart.

 

Love never dies.

 

 

I wanted to thank you for posting this. I know it is an old post but it sure did help me. I lost my soul mate three weeks ago and it hurts. He used to tell me that love never dies too. The love between us was unlike anything either one of us ever experienced. Our souls were connected, our hearts were connected. It took me 50 years to find him and it was the most beautiful relationship one could ever have. I do know that he is right there for me when I leave my body. We have always been connected. It is the time apart from him that I miss now. I missed him before I found him, then I found him and he had to go way to soon. That is the hard part for me. I don't have him here to tell me how much he loves me. I don't have his hugs and kisses. I have his soul connected to mine and I have always and will always have that. Death can't keep us apart. I will find him once again. I will hug him and never turn lose the next time I find him.

[Subaru1983]

Does anyone know how things turned out for Sunflower?

My true love & soulmate passed away unexpectedly & tragically 2mos ago. She was only 33yrs old.

For me, the pain is as intense as the days following her death. It comes in waves. And much like a sunami, these waves deliver painful debris.

I wanna know how people survive this!

[shiner501]

Does anyone know how things turned out for Sunflower?

My true love & soulmate passed away unexpectedly & tragically 2mos ago. She was only 33yrs old.

For me, the pain is as intense as the days following her death. It comes in waves. And much like a sunami, these waves deliver painful debris.

I wanna know how people survive this!

 

You never get over it. You should never try to get over it, or even think that you will, because you won't. The scars will never go away but the pain of them subsides in time. And you WILL survive. Much like a physical injury that creates a scar. You can look at that scar on your arm or leg and remember very well the pain that accompanied it, even years later. But it does not hurt any longer. The same goes with the death of a loved one. The pain is terrible for weeks and months. However, things do slowly start to get better. We humans are very resilient.

 

There are metaphorical landmines all over the place after the loss of the loved one. And you will be treading on these landmines for weeks and months. A song on the radio that was "your" song, the smell of aftershave or perfume of a passer-by that he/she used to wear. A favorite film, driving by a much loved place, anniversary dates such as Christmas/weddings/birthdays/valentines etc the list goes on. But slowly over time, the landmines have all gone off - you have stepped on nearly all of them. You start to become happier and come to terms - as much as is possible - with events. But the odd landmine lurks and can be triggered years later. One went off last week for me, three years after the death of my wife, when I found a recipe book she had written for me with my favorites in it. You never know when you'll step on a landmine but things get better. In my case finding that book had me sobbing for a couple of hours. But I recovered. And so will all of you guys in pain right now who think that no end is in sight to the misery you feel. It WILL end. You WILL feel better and enjoy life again. Time is the greatest of all healers and time will conquer everything. Bless you all.