phoenix91 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Hey, As you can see I'm new here, and I need some help, because im actually new at the dating thing, so please help, and thanks in advance... Well, I'm not going to tell you the whole story, so you would'nt get bored,Ill just skip to the end: I've been seeing a girl, and I know that if I ever see her once more, I'll fall in love with her.. and that's what I want to prevent, beacuse I know we can't have a relationship for many reason: * I'm sure she will not fall in love with me...not because of me,but because of her... * Her dad is very religious, and we have different religions.. so he wouldn't let us have a relationship (she always talks about her dad! he's some kind of a monster,lol). Don't ask how i know all that, I just do, and I'm 100% sure... So back to the title, "How do you stop yourself from loving someone ?" ? Link to comment
L_lee88 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 you can't your heart wants what it wants. Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 you can't your heart wants what it wants. then my heart will lead me to a very painful place... and I wont let that happen to me again... Link to comment
Iconate Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Hey man, I am sure many of us go through feeling like this. Believe me, I am in a similar situation...kinda. Basically, instead of religion playing a prominent role, our morals do. And im absolutely head over heals for this one girl, but, she does not see through the same eyes as I do, which, sucks. I've talked to her about it, but she seems quite solid where she stands. But I have intuitively found ways to...not fully over come it, but found ways to let it slowly let the feelings pass; Your situation may be different than mine, but I don't see this girl much because we goto different schools...and I leave it as that. I really don't make much of an effort to see her, and the less I do, the more I stop thinking about her. So, just, lessen the interaction. Sometimes if she talks to me on MSN or something, ill purposely ignore it, and just reply back later and tell her I left my comp on when I was out. Don't think of this as an ***hole thing to do, its for MY own good. (This girl is already seeing someone so its best i don't get involved period) It's really hard dude, I know. I'll hardly go one full day without thinking about her once...and this has gone on for about a year now... I also realize, that for myself...I am young....im 18...I have A LOT more life to live, and to ignore everyone else in this world, and focus on something I can't have, is a waste of energy. Keep moving forward. Don't expect to wake up one day and have lost ALL feeling for her, cause, thats just not how it works. Its slow progression. Let me know if that helps...at all...heh... Link to comment
alcide Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Big question no answer i think this is my bigggesttt problem an if i would find an answer that would be marvellous. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 sounds more like you are lusting her than in love. it might seem that way, but it's not the same. Link to comment
servedcold Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 OK, you are talking infatuation, not love. The key to not becoming infatuated is to have a full social life with lots of female acquaintances. It's easy to get hung up on one person prematurely when you don't have a whole lot else going on. Cultivate hobbies, friends, family relations. You will still become infatuated, but it won't have the obsessive edge that can lead you that painful place you describe. Until you are actually DATING or going steady with a girl, what does any one particular girl have that many other girls don't? Don't be afraid of your emotions, but do value yourself as a good potential BF. Make women (and all the other people in your life) earn your feelings and respect, don't just give them away... if you can learn this lesson now, you will be way ahead of the game. A fringe benefit is that women find a discerning man who knows his own worth much more attractive. Best wishes. Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Share Posted November 22, 2007 The thing is, we are in the same school, same town, and same class... lol... So its hard to just ignore her... thanks anyway... I'll try your way... I'll try ingoring her... Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Share Posted November 22, 2007 The main reason I don't want to be infatuated is that her brother and I were "Jerks" (as DiggityDogg described), we used to pick a girl, compete on having her, and the one who wins, dumps her...that's very cruel, I know... It was his idea anyway,not mine, and today I regret... In fact, her brother and I are no longer friends...(imagine what would he tell his sister if he knows...) Today, I'm trying to have an honest relationship, no cheating and no lying... So being a "Nice Guy" (as DiggityDogg described) is a hard thing to do... Anyway I'll try your way too, lol Thanks Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 I dont think you cant - I still have residual feelings that's in excess of a year ago - and another guy had her and dumped her, like what you said about your competition with your brother - (however, the other guy in my case was virtual and only know it from something she posted). Anyway - I had a girlfriend after I saw her, meet other girls, etc... but still there is this residual crush, like there is some deep emotional penetration from interactions with her in the past - maybe it's the same case with you - it's those layer of feelings and it's sort of hard to get out of there other than to ignore it and pretend that it's not there, as I have done, because there is not much choice other than to do that or you turn to some creepy stalker, right? Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Share Posted November 22, 2007 I dont think you cant - I still have residual feelings that's in excess of a year ago - and another guy had her and dumped her, like what you said about your competition with your brother - (however, the other guy in my case was virtual and only know it from something she posted). Anyway - I had a girlfriend after I saw her, meet other girls, etc... but still there is this residual crush, like there is some deep emotional penetration from interactions with her in the past - maybe it's the same case with you - it's those layer of feelings and it's sort of hard to get out of there other than to ignore it and pretend that it's not there, as I have done, because there is not much choice other than to do that or you turn to some creepy stalker, right? Right, about a year and a hlaf, I truly loved a girl.. I knew her for about 3 monthes, but I couldn't just confess at first,later, i grabbed her by the throat, and told her "I love you"... How did she respond .. ?! she looked at my eyes, started moving her eyes down till my feet, and then she walked ...without saying a word... From that moment, I turned into a "Creepy Stalker"... that's why I was dumping girls without considering how she feels... Anyway, today I've changed...its just that this girl, I dont want her to be more than my friend...because I dont want to live the same pain again... Link to comment
Iconate Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 The thing is, we are in the same school, same town, and same class... lol... So its hard to just ignore her... thanks anyway... I'll try your way... I'll try ingoring her... WELL that makes it a BIT harder...but...you can still like do OTHER active things, like hang out with OTHER friends than deciding to go her way. In highschool i used to walk the long way to class to see one of my crushes, so avoiding things like that will...at least lower your desire for her. Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 WELL that makes it a BIT harder...but...you can still like do OTHER active things, like hang out with OTHER friends than deciding to go her way. I'll try that... thanks In highschool i used to walk the long way to class to see one of my crushes, so avoiding things like that will...at least lower your desire for her. Well, I dont walk to school, we go in the same bus, and to class, there's only one way in which we walk together (same time, same place!!!)... - Thank God I dont have school at the time.. we have some kind of a strike in Israel.. Link to comment
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