Placed in an unbelievably bizarre position

[Invicta]

I apologize for the wall of text, but my situation is the caliber of the Jerry Springer Show and warrants a lengthy explanation.

 

I'm one semester from graduating college with a BA in Horticulture; I got home in September after completing a 4 month internship at an organic Farm. Unfortunately, I got back too late to go back to school so after a few weeks I started working for an independent arborist in my hometown. This was a great job... I became a sort of apprentice, learning how to safely take apart large trees in urban environments, how to use a variety of equipment, began learning how to survey and assess terrain, and met a lot of people in the industry. I got along great with my boss, an older guy who was looking to retire. He began talking about having me take over the business for him when he decided to leave the country. This is a pretty good plan for a 23 year old who hasn't graduated college yet. My intuition never let me put any stock in this possibility though. I could tell the guy was emotionally unstable and unpredictable, so I took things (still take) for what they were; a great learning experience, good money, and friendly people.

 

I had originally met my boss as a friend of my moms. Things got complicated when I learned that they had been in a serious relationship while I had been away at the farm. She was emotionally distressed and began using me as a medium of information and communication with my boss. I was understandably uncomfortable but I gave my honest advice. I told her he's not a bad guy and he's fun to be around, but he's unstable, unpredictable, and not the right guy to peruse for a serious relationship. I also warned her he was a womanizer and would inevitably be unfaithful. After a short while I told her I just wanted to work and didn't want to be in the middle of the situation. I had given her the best advice I could and told her to make her own decisions.

 

There's really no way to explain or transition into what happened next. It's so bizarre and unexpected that I still don't totally believe that it happened.

 

Anyway...So my mom continued to see my boss despite my advice... all the while I had been working for him at least 5-6 days a week. I felt uncomfortable with it because I didn't think their relationship would last and I worried about my mom. Then, out of the complete and utter blue, after a romantic evening together, my BOSS confesses to my MOM that he's in love with ME. The * * * * * my 44 year old mother is in love with... actually asks her if she thinks her 23 year old son loves him.

 

Now maybe I'm completely clueless or something, but until that night when my mother called me in tears, I never once got any impression that my relationship with my boss was anything other than work and friendship. It simply never crossed my mind. I mean I even met an amazing girl at the organic farm where I spent the summer, and I'm working though a long distance relationship.

 

Unfortunately, things are yet even more complicated. For a short while, my mother became convinced I was in a secret homosexual relationship with my boss/ her boyfriend. She called me in a fury of anger and jealousy. She called me a traitor and said she would throw away any mail addressed to me that was sent to her house.

 

So yeah, I'm pretty stoic, and thankfully I had been listening to a lot of Deepak Chopra, so I managed to think my situation through rationally. I tossed aside the shock and confusion. I realized the emotionally vulnerable position my mother was in, and went through several just a little bit awkward conversations convincing her I was not homosexual and had no idea about all this. We talked for a long time and I reiterated all the things I had already told her about how nutty and unstable this guy was. We got to a point where I believed we had gotten past the drama and were on friendly terms again. Yay I had a place for my mail again...

 

The mess wasn't done yet though. I was still working for this guy and had to go back to work on Monday. I didn't know what the hell to do so again I thought it through logically. The guy was unstable but had never given me a single unfriendly vibe. He had never come on to me, though I suppose I really don't know how a guy hits on another guy. More importantly, I still needed a job. I recently bought a brand new motorcycle and am making payments on it.

 

So on Monday I went in to work and had another really freaking awkward conversation. My boss confirmed he really was in love with me and I had to make it explicitly clear that I was not interested. Mostly the guy was embarrassed and apologetic and asked me to forget the whole thing. So I did.. And we've been working with no problems at all for a couple of weeks.

 

This past week my boss has been unmotivated to work and somewhat listless. We seem to start working later and later each day and haven’t gotten half as many things done as usual. Just tonight to my disappointment I learned that my mother has continued to see this guy and is having relationship problems. She called me at 2 in the morning and began demanding that I quit my job. She says my presense at work is preventing my boss from missing her and that I'm ruining her life. The whole conversation all that went through my mind is how much I don't want to be in the middle of this mess. I was tired and angry and things deteriorated into a screaming match and I hung up on her.

 

 

I'm tired and confused. My inner compass seems to have shut down and I'm not sure what to do. The job is good, I need the money, and I feel morally justified to simply work and stay out of things. Unfortunately, This is ruining my relationship with my insane mother, and I guess I don't really know what's going through my bosses head when I go to work every morning.

 

I welcome your advice, I fear that the correct decision is staring me in the face but I can't see it.

[keenan]

Wow. That is an amazing story, and I've gotta tell you that you are awesome--you're looking at the situation with incredible maturity and empathy for everyone involved. Seriously.

 

I'm never at a loss for words, LOL, but I actually have to sleep on this before I can give any advice. I'm sorry--there are too many levels here. I hope it was cathartic to get that all down on paper, and I hope that lots of the brilliant people on here are able to be more immediately constructive!

 

More later.

[Xetra Dax]

When your stuck in a vicious downward going circle, then you need to jump out. I mean think of it on the long term,

 

i doubt that the guy who's in love with you wants to leave the country ,no one like's to leave those who they love behind for him that would be you. You might inherit the company(not that i believe that) but, as long as you are there, he's going to want to be with you. Or in other words him saying that your going to inherit the company was most likely just a lure to make you stay with him.

 

Your mom is a selfish monster, don't listen to her. My advice is this , stay in the company until you have paid for your bike, then get the hell out of that company , search for another job in the meantime, and get yourself a job in a company where they aren't insane, and you earn good money. Stay out of your moms life, and never make contact with that guy again.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i applaud you for the being the most mature adult in the bunch.

 

Your mother sounds like she is so desparate for this guy she has lost her sense of reason to blame YOU for 'stealing her man' when her man appears to be a bisexual in search of all kinds of partners (all ages and genders). She's never gonna fix that, and he most likely will continue to pursue lots of other people so it will never turn out the way your mother wants, regardless of what YOU do.

 

having said that, a job is a job... it's function is to pay your bills and give you career opportunities. but sometimes a good opportunity can turn bad and messy, like this one has, so you have to move on.

 

you don't have to quit right away, but you should start looking for another job right away, and take it. this is a no win situation for you. even if your mother calms down, this guy is not being professional, and is unstable too. he is acting alright FOR NOW, but that could change and you don't want to be there if that happens.

 

so look around for a new job, and if you mother acts nutty or jealous, just tell her she's got to be kidding becuase you are not interested in the guy, and the guy is a bisexual, so why is SHE chasing after him like he's going to suddenly stop that because she wants him to? her heart will get broken sooner or later, and better for you to be out of this situation which is not of your making, and crazy making!

[keenan]

you don't have to quit right away, but you should start looking for another job right away, and take it. this is a no win situation for you. even if your mother calms down, this guy is not being professional, and is unstable too. he is acting alright FOR NOW, but that could change and you don't want to be there if that happens.

 

her heart will get broken sooner or later, and better for you to be out of this situation which is not of your making, and crazy making!

 

i agree 100%. this situation is like a house on fire. you've contained the blaze for now, but it's just a matter of time before more it gets out of hand and burns the place down. it's a shame, but i think you have to start looking for a job now and be prepared to make the jump when one looks good enough. try to keep your mom at bay and be prepared for a mess when her heart gets broken. at least you won't be the "cause" and will be spared some of the mess. good luck.

[Invicta]

Thanks a lot everyone for the advice, it was really great to tell my story and get it off my chest. I'm going to start searching for another job tomorrow. I'll keep grinding at the one I have to maintain an income, but all things must come to an end. I suppose it's better to learn to set boundaries for how much confusion I'm willing to live with. Again, I'm always amazed at the sincerity and honesty of the people on this site, and I'll try to keep you posted on how things turn out.

[Rabican]

I think I would tell my mom to stop seeing my boss! if I were in that situation. If its a good job, and a good career step as you seemed to hint at then Id tell my mom she can simply find a new man. It sounds like your mom has some issues here too, not just the boss. But the bottom line is I would keep the job, and just reiterate to both that my position there was strictly work, and I wanted NOTHING to do with them, their troubles, their relationships, or their drama. You are there to work, and nothing more, nothing less. end of story.