NC went out the window...I need some help.

[bummedout4]

Ok well i have posted on here before but to make a long story short, my gf of over 4 yrs broke up with me 2 months ago. At first it was a break but turned into a break up and she started seeing someone shortly after. She said she still cared about me, loved me but wasn't in love and wasn't totally happy with our relationship. Still wanted to stay in touch and be friends though. Ok well I have had spurts of NC up to 3 weeks long. Last week i broke NC to say happy birthday, i felt i was ready and after i talked to her i actually felt ok, not depressed or upset.

 

Fast forward to today.....she called me today, a week after i called her. I was on a trip and got back yesterday and she wanted to see how it went. Well we just talked about that, school and work and other stuff going on in our lives, just normal talk. Suddenly i found the conversation changing to a more emotional topic such as talking to each other and she told me i can call her and said that she wants to hear from me and cares about me.

 

Ok so this is where i am having a hard time. A part of me wants to say well you chose not to be with me anymore so why should i talk to you? Another part says hey you still care about her, she still cares about you, why shut her out totally and push her even further away? Well, we then started to talk about our feelings and if we still missed each other, and of course i do, and she said she does too. She also said that sometimes she feels like i am the only person who she can talk to and understand her, which is true. She regrets how she handled everything when we broke up and feels bad about hurting me. I do really enjoy talking to her but i know everyone says not to call them, have them contact and go NC or LC. I also don't want to be there for support while she is with this new guy.

 

What makes this hard for me is that she is seeing someone else. She says she is just taking a day at a time and doesn't know what the future holds for her or us, if there will ever be an us again or not. She wants to stay in touch and see what happens. My dilemma becomes, do i stay in touch with her and try to go LC ? I don't really want to go full NC b/c I really do love her and i can tell she still cares about me a lot. She says that she misses me and thinks of me when she sees things or hears songs that we liked or sang together. I am so confused, i know everyones advice has been NC until she wants to talk about getting back together. I feel that if i do that though, i will really lose her and push her even closer to this new guy. If she still talks to me and misses me, how serious can she really get with him? I really believe its just the fact he is new and different but i can't say for sure.

 

So....based on all these facts.....what do i do? I don't want to ruin any chance at getting her back in the future and showing her that i can make her happy again. I probably said more than i should have today, but it just came out and i didn't even notice. We talked for almost an hour and I just kept talking about my feelings and so did she. I just need to show her i am the guy she fell in love with and the guy that made her happy again.....how do i do that without pushing it too hard or making it obvious?

[Zackinlaw]

Unless she tells you she is no longer seeing this guy, I would maintain NC.

 

If she tells you she is no longer seeing this guy, i would STILL maintain NC.

 

4 years and she left you for a guy? Now her relationship with him is disappointing so she comes back to you???? What about the next one?

 

Tell her that maybe ... just maybe ... if she wants you back 6 months from now, you MIGHT consider it. She's using you as fallback because her new relationship is falling apart. Stand at the top of Mount Everest and tell her if she wants you back, she has to climb to you. Anything less, you are taking crumbs.

 

Zack.

[Zorba]

So she's taking it one day at a time with the new guy? ehhhhhh nope. I call down the power of BS on that one. I guarantee that if you stick around the next thing you'll hear is "I came to a decision" and "I really love this guy, but I can't lose you as a friend". Etc etc and ad nauseum to infinity etc.

 

All I will say is read this and apply it to your case;

 

I grant you quoting myself is the height of pretension, but it covers your situation. Trust me on this. I got every single ex of mine that I wanted back, back. The one I didn't? Well I was too damn dumb to follow my own advice. I'm the one in the corner wearing the pointy hat with a big D on it.

[bummedout4]

thanks Zorba, i have read your post plenty of times and actually printed it out. I will keep on re-reading it.

[emalkoc]

Agree with Zorba..

 

I am in the same situation as you are, my ex thinks I am good fall back, and she probably thought grass is greener on the other side..Well, just be patient and I would disagree with NC thing if you can handle..It will seem like punishing your if you want them back..but you have to set your mind moving ON! that's the key.

 

When in LC situation, they will feel you are moving ON, hence they start to chase you...

 

and at some point you can make it clear, the being friend is not what you want..put the pressure on them..

 

This works all the time...Worked me in the past, worked for Dreamguy and ClarkM...

[bummedout4]

thanks for the responses. i appreciate all the advice.