Is this a weird ambition?

[scared and alone]

I wasn't sure what forum to put this in. lol

 

but what i want most out of life is not even really a career right now, but i really just want to start a family. That is most important to me right now. I'm 23. Is that crazy?

[manny_07]

You need a career to support a family. Either the father or mother has to work, or maybe both. Unless you plan on a large inheritance, very soon.

[scared and alone]

well he works... and i am going to school. and i do happen to have an inheritance. but the only thing i can think of right now is having a family.

[itsallgrand]

Not weird.

 

But what kind of family do you want to raise? Building a career and whatnot leads to security. Material security, social and personal security.

 

Hard to raise a healthy, happy family without it. Hard: but can be done. But why give up the chance to improve the odds, eh?

[Batya33]

A very close friend of mine felt exactly the same way at age 23. She focusd on meeting a man she cared about to marry and have kids. She did that and by age 26 had her first child and had a few more after that. She stayed home and worked in the home with her children - mother and housewife. She had no career and no money of her own.

 

Problem was that she was so focused on that goal that she did not focus enough on whether he was the right person for her in several different ways. Most of their marriage was unhappy. They divorced in the last few years after about 2 decades of marriage. The children are having a hard time. It is very difficult financially.

 

My point is not that it is always or even often a mistake but what is interesting is she said that she realizes now that part of her motivation for getting married and starting a family so quickly was to avoid "the real world."

 

Be very careful about your motivations, spend at least the next year studying - through books, articles, talking to objective people, maybe even talking to a counselor- get completely honest about why you want this, what your expectations are, how you plan to do this financially, emotionally, etc. For example, if you expect that your children will love and need you and that will be fulfilling, explore whether that is realistic. Explore how you would deal with a child with special needs. The key is the complete honesty and the removal of any rose colored glasses. My friend wishes she had done that.

[rocio]

you're not crazy - you're perfectly normal. Having children is your biological purpose - why wouldn't you crave that?

 

You can develop while raising you're children. You don't have to have the ideal life before you can start having kids. So what if you live in an apartment for the first 5 years? So what if they don't have the latest Playstations or a big-screen t.v. growing up?

 

You can give your kids everything they need with what you're got financially right now. If it's what you guys want, then go for it.

[Aleadragonhawk]

I don't think that wanting a family is really any different from any other life goal. It's not weird to want children, even though you're only 23. I want children myself, and I'm four years younger than you - but for me, I want children in the future, when my husband and I both have graduated and are established in our respective careers. That'll be at least six or seven years from now for us, but I still think sometimes that it'd be nice to have children now, even though I know that we as a couple aren't ready yet.

[arwen]

I moved your thread to personal growth forum- I think the question fits better here.

 

As for your question, I think that nowadays it's just expected that we all want careers, high education, etc. You are 23 and nowadays you are young to start a family but... in my mothers time so to say, it was very common for girls to be married and start a family. I think that as long as you are able to provide for a child and have a stable relationship, there is nothing wrong with this feeling (and with carrying it out so to say). I am a bit older than you and at the point where my life is really starting to differ more and more from peers- some already have two or three kids, a car, a house, ... while I am working my behind off to establish a scientific career and just started living together. I have friends who are 21 and expecting, but also of 35 who are not at that point in life where they want to get married. People have different wishes.

 

Who do you want to be in 10 years, and where? Do you see yourself surrounded by children, a parttime job, a fulltime job, a combination?

 

Same question for 5 years time?

 

Arwen

[kluv224]

It's pretty common for women to get that "baby fever" but you just gotta think.. Are you ready to support a child? How will you take care of it? and other types of questions and then you will figure out whether this is the thing for you right now or not.

[CaptainPlanet]

Perfectly normal.