How do I make my friend take some advice

[Jonboy582]

Hi my friend is pretty much hating life right now. And he will complain about it now and then and I tell him things he can do to make things a bit better but he never takes the advice. I have recommended him to come here but he flat out says no without even considering it. Told him other things he could do but he wont do that either.

 

Pretty much his problems at the moment are he has no friends, is 21 and never had a job, a girlfriend, wants to loose virginity, etc .... you heard it all before.

 

I have tried being nice and considerate, I told him strait, I told him outlandish ideas of what he could do subtle ideas. I really think he is someone beyond help.

 

Is there anything I can do?

 

Jon

 

EDIT: He tells me he hates himself, hates his life and he is his own worst enemy. He also says he wants things to change but he wont.

 

Also I think he is rather disturbed, he has some fascination with killing death and all that, and just bought a samurai sword. Always dreams about me and even asks if he can masturbate on cam to me. But he says he definitely isn't gay, I don't understand him.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You can't. Advice is a recommendation, he has the right to chose not to take it.

 

You can tell him over and over, but unless he is ready to change, its not going to happen.

[AwdreeHpburn]

he's just a negative guy who possibly has a crush on you.

 

What CAN you do??

 

Either stick with him regardless whilst he toughs it out OR, decide you'd rather be on to someone more positive.

 

You don't owe him any answers. He is not your responsibility. Its not on you to make sure he finds his way to a happy place. Maybe he can't or doesn't really want to.

 

There's only so much one person can do.

 

HOWEVER, having said that, if you think he might actually be a danger to himself or society at large, I do believe (MY Opinion) that you have a moral obligation to tell SOMEONE.

 

If its not as bad as all that, just let the issue go. When he starts complaining, change the subject. Don't indulge or let him indulge. Its pointless.......

[caro33]

I agree with the others.

 

I have a slightly more harsh perspective too - if this guy gets to the stage where he's making you really uncomfortable, where being his friend is really hard work and he seems to be enjoying the negativity (that is, he's not really a danger to himself or others), drop him. Some people are just toxic, and while I am all for giving people a chance and supporting friends in need, I have known a few toxic types who, when it comes down to it, get some itch scratched by being helpless and negative. It feeds something in them. By the time we get to adulthood we are responsible for ourselves, he cannot make you responsible for his happiness.

[JadedStar]

I agree with Caro 100%. It sounds like his behaviors are becoming more and more negative and stressful to you. If you feel this friendship is becoming toxic it does not make you a bad person to end it and walk away if that is what it will take to get out of the bad situation.

[Jonboy582]

I could not just walk away it would make me feel bad even though he isn't a very nice person. Thats just because he lacks social skills, for the past 5 or 6 years since he was 16 he has sat at home watching DVD's and the only people he did things with were his parents. And all he did was go to Tesco (English supermarket) or McDonald's, these are the highlights of his life and I can see how thats going to be depressive for him.

 

I must admit I would not really mind if I was his friend or not, but he does not have anyone else except one other guy who does not like him. And I'm not sure if he is a danger or not but he keeps dropping hints that he wants to die, would be better if he was dead etc, and just the constant drawings of shooting people in the head, chopping peoples heads off with swords (well its usually pictures of me he is doing it to lol) and that is kind of weird, but he might just be trying to get a reaction.

 

I do agree, I think he might have a man crush on me as he always asks things like "If we both got really drunk would you let me %^&* you up the * * * *". And the fact that I have a life, have 2 jobs, full time university course, a girlfriend, friends and experienced things such as sex and being drunk. This seems to be everything he craves most.

 

But yes I know I can't make him take advice but I'm afraid if I do not make him take some he might do something stupid.

 

Jon

[caro33]

Well I guess it's just a matter of what feels worse: having this guy around and saying unsavoury stuff to you, or moving on without him in your life. At some point the scales may go the other way and you'll decide it's too much. I hope so! He sounds awful to me - what he draws you with your head cut off?

 

You only get one life, think about the minutes of it ticking away looking after this emotional vampire.

[JadedStar]

I do agree, I think he might have a man crush on me as he always asks things like "If we both got really drunk would you let me %^&* you up the ****".

 

WOW. You must have the patience of Jobe. I dno't know many guys who would be able to tolerate a friend saying things like that. I'd be on the alert with this one.

[Jonboy582]

I do agree I am probably the most patient person I know (unless I'm driving). And yes he draws pictures of him chopping my head off with a sword and blood squirting everywhere. Next time he draws one I will post it here And hopefully he will either sort his life out soon or leave mine.

 

 

Thanks Jon