Something that helped me a lot on NC

[redsuede]

I am sorry, I didnt write this. But someone else did here on this forum. the author is unknown to me.. just thought I would share this with you guys as it helped me a lot.

 

"It NOT true that if you do NOT respond you lose the chance of being with

that person. It's the opposite. If you set the standard of "no contact"

after time and time again of breaking it, only to RE-LEARN THE SAME

PAINFUL LESSON of going to a dry well for water... well, as long as you are willing to sacrifice your own self respect and standards/values on your own heart, then the ex will continue to do the same to you,

 

No contact is what makes the ex who really authentically is ready to love you, come a running back in time...

 

When an ex is really sincere about an intentional effort to win back

your heart, trust that they become very "clear about it" no games, no lyrics, no "I want to see you, but I'm not sure when, don't want to get your hopes up"....ugh.. that sentence reeks of someone who needs an occasional "ego boost" yet has no clear emotionally sincere responsible intentional effort to win your heart.

 

See when he says, "don't want to get your hopes up" he's clearly making

sure that if you agree to "see him" or have "contact with him" then it's YOU that is willing to take the risk... because he clearly is NOT ready to be mature enough to committ to working on the relationship, it's more his way of "keeping you just there"...this is HIS pattern, and has nothing to do with YOU.. it's all about him, his ego, his issues, his "life pattern"... and

as long as you are just "there" he will never have to clearly make an

effort to win back your heart..why should he, you're just "there".

 

The good news is that YOU are no longer going to make a choice to be

"victim" to his emotional instability and ego/curiosity texts/emails...

 

The most powerful, attractive and empowering thing for you to do is to

maintain "no contact" UNLESS, he intentionally states a clear effort to

want to make it work as a couple, until he states that clearly in a texts,

email or phone call where he says "I miss you, I love you, I made a mistake, I want to make US work, and I've discovered that I am willing to do it, I can't stand that you are not responding to me, I undestand that I

haven't been clear up till this point, so now I am ASKING will you please talk to me?".

 

Well unless his text/email/or call states the above sentence? then there

is NO reason to have any contact, it's too painful, you are still too

vulnerable, and until he actually has time to experience the authentic,

realistic loss of YOU, (by YOU maintaining no contact for your own

healing) he may never ever have the opportunity to discover any authentic feelings,

 

and for sure, he will not have any motivation to put his cards on the

table, why should he? so far it's been easy to just put a few "crumbs" on the table to get you to come a running....

 

GOOD NEWS.. because TODAY THAT CHANGES.. you will no longer respond to "crumbs"

 

YOU want and deserve the "whole cake"... and the ONLY way to get it, is

to ignore the "crumbs".. ignore them and they lose thier power... and if

he's grown enough to make a mature, intentional effort to win your heart,

than your "no contact" will force him to show up with the "whole cake".

 

If not, well then he's not worthy of your precious energy, heart, body,

soul... those belong to you, so cherish them and then someone else will

come along who will too......he has his chance, it's up to him, not YOU.. if

he "wakes up" and "steps up" fine, if not, HIS loss, and YOU are on to

bigger, better, brighter, more wonderful things...YOUR possibilities are

endless...."

[OOHMY]

If someone doesn't want to talk to you, thats why some people go into no contact because they are being pushed out.

 

Or if theres a crazy partner trying to make contact, the other person initiates no contact because they don't want to have anything to do with them.

 

When someone gives you no contact they don't want to have anything to do with you and don't like you very much.

[redsuede]

Hmm.. I usually have known NC to be on the dumpees end. The dumpers are fine with contact, yet the dumpee needs to implement NC to heal

 

But yes, I guess you could be right that there are a bunch of cowards out there that cant just say "Dont contact me anymore.. Im not interested"