Good safe sex?

[dreamer0202]

Hello All,

 

This is my first new thread. I can't figure out a way to solve this problem, so I thought I'd share with the group. Thanks in advance for your responses.

 

My boyfriend is really paranoid about getting us pregnant. He thinks about it a lot and wants to be extremely careful. I'm not saying this is a bad thing - I am 23 and don't want any babies yet either It's actually relieving, because I don't have to carry the burden of being safe by myself. In the beginning, I was on the pill and we were using condoms. But he still felt he needed to pull out too. Personally, I think this is overkill, but if it made him feel better it was fine with me. After awhile, he couldn't orgasm with a condom on. He said he couldn't feel it very well. So we stopped using condoms, I moved to the patch (slightly more effective than the pill and easier to remember) and he still pulls out just to be sure. But now, he says it makes him too uncomfortable without condoms and every time we have sex he thinks about it and it keeps him from having an orgasm.

 

There has to be a way that we can be safe (according to his standards) and not use a condom! I just can't think of it. I want him to enjoy sex to the fullest the way I do... I just can't think of how to do it!

 

Thanks again.

[Captain34]

spermicidal lubricant

[crystalpistel11]

They make spermicidal lube ?

 

Whats the name of that ?? haha

[crystalpistel11]

Why dont you go on BC agian ??

[Beec]

I think that much of this issue is in his mind.

 

It is not the stimulus or lack of it that is keeping him from orgasming, as he cannot come with a condom on or not one. The issue is his fear of you being pregnant. There is only one sure fire way not to get pregnant, don't have sex. Once you decide to get naked and begin to have sex, the chances of pregnancy increase. So then, the question becomes how much risk do you accept?

 

If you really want little risk, then I would practice oral sex almost exclusively.

 

I think you came lower the chances by using spermicides and also learnign about how to figure out where you are in your cycle. All of these will help lower risk.

[dreamer0202]

I am on birth control - I'm on the patch.

[dreamer0202]

I think that much of this issue is in his mind.

 

It is not the stimulus or lack of it that is keeping him from orgasming, as he cannot come with a condom on or not one. The issue is his fear of you being pregnant. There is only one sure fire way not to get pregnant, don't have sex. Once you decide to get naked and begin to have sex, the chances of pregnancy increase. So then, the question becomes how much risk do you accept?

 

If you really want little risk, then I would practice oral sex almost exclusively.

 

I think you came lower the chances by using spermicides and also learnign about how to figure out where you are in your cycle. All of these will help lower risk.

 

Ugh... I think you're right But I don't want that to be the answer!!!

[Godless_Heathen]

Hormonal birth control - patch or pill - is about as safe as it gets. Much safer than condoms, actually, in terms of preventing pregnancy, though of course they don't have any affect on STDs.

 

Beec is right, at this point it's all in his head. Nothing you do that he can't immediately see, such as charting your cycle or spermicide, is going to affect that at all, because they're too intangible. Condoms are pretty obvious, but if he was so paranoid about them that he was using them and pulling out, he's passed out of the realm of the rational. The only thing that's going to make him feel safe is no intercourse at all.

 

Personally, I'd suggest counseling. That level of fear is literally neurotic. He probably needs to talk through why he's that afraid - what would happen to him if you did get pregnant? I don't think it's merely an ordinary worry about the consequences, it sounds like he's got serious problems with commitment, or with his family history, or attachment. Something.

[dreamer0202]

Yeah, we've talked about that before actually (what would happen if I got pregnant). The thing is... I am emotionally and financial stable. I own my own home, have a GOOD job I've been at for a long time with great benefits, and I'm finished with school. We've been together for about a year. He's a couple years younger than I am, so I understand that he doesn't feel he's ready for something like that (I don't think our relationship is ready for something like that either... which is why I don't want a baby and we are practicing safe sex). But it really wouldn't be the end of the world if it accidently happened. It doesn't seem to ease his mind, though. I think you guys are right. Probably for right now, sex isn't an option unless its oral. Thanks for your help.