My story and a thank you

[Infrared]

Hello.

 

Although this is my first time posting here, I've been coming to ENA for the last month now and reading all the wonderful advice that has been given to people experiencing turbulence in their relationships. I wanted to share my own story, so that I begin to contribute to the community as well, but most of all tell everyone here what a wonderful site this is and how much coming here has been helping me the last month. Today is day 24 of NC for me.

 

My GF of 2.5 years broke up with me this last July. We had met at University where she graduated a semester before me. She moved down to my hometown while I finished my last semester before I moved down there as well. Everything was great, we didn't fight (much), we got along just fine, and we were two people who really inspired the other in the relationship. I was happy.

 

But as is the case in many break-ups, I was obliviously happy. The week before she broke up with me we had a tough time. Admittedly I was in a cranky mood that weekend. I wasn't acting how I should have been acting. However, one weekend's emotions shouldn't end a 2.5 year relationship right. After that weekend she flew up to see her mother for the week, I was suppose to pick her up next Sunday. She called me Sunday morning to let me know she didn't want to be with me anymore.

 

Early July was a while ago, and since I said this is day 24 of NC, you can guess that there was a lot of contact still right after her decision. There was the crying, the pleading, the begging, and the anger. I got to listen to the gauntlet of mean phrases dumpers reserve for breaking up. "I love you but I'm not IN love with you anymore." and "If were meant to be together, time will bring us back together." I sent letters, flowers, everything. Eventually she started giving me my stuff back.

 

I'm not happy with my actions during this time, I wish I had stumbled upon this site sooner. I was checking her myspace everyday, reading her comments and comments left by other people. I was a mess. I even broke into her e-mail. Yeah I know, not cool. But in a way I'm glad I did because it allowed me to see two things that helped me slowly take her off the pedestal I had put her on. One was the way she wrote about me to friends compared to how I wrote about her. The other was the discovery that she had messed around really soon after breaking up with me, in fact she'd had a threesome. If it makes it less weird that I had broken into her e-mail, when I called her about the triad she had had so soon, she admitted she had been reading my e-mails too.

 

Eventually we met up one last time to exchange the last of my items and hers. Here was the girl I adored more then anything, breaking up with me, and she was crying. She said she was lonely, scared, she even started kissing me. But in the end she still called it quits with me.

 

I'm trying my hardest at this NC thing. Some days are good, some are bad. Yesterday was bad. I checked her myspace for the first time in 23 days, and even though it's private just seeing that her "mood" was flirty sent me into a spell. Today I wanted to write her a letter begging her to please not throw me away, but I thought I would write here first so I could hear some support.

 

I know everyone says it's gets better, and I'm just trying to believe in that. She has a strong base of friends and I know she's going out every night and drinking and partying. My friends in this city are less into partying or have GF's. Also, I might be getting a job offer in a new city soon. And while the job is top notch, I'm scared * * * *-less to move somewhere new where I don't know anybody right after this has happened to me.

 

But what I wanted to say was, with reading a lot of what I've read her at ENA I wouldn't even be where I am today. So thank you to everyone who posts here with your wisdom.

[Up and Down]

It gets better with time. I have had my trips ups one quite bad, but since then her anger gave me fuel to let go and just try to move on. I have been no contact since then and plan to do so for a damn long time.

I have good days and bad. Actually its more like good moments and bad moments as sometimes it just fluctuates between anger and missing her. You just have to ride it out. Going back to the source of your pain is generally not a good idea.

 

Reading here has been therapy of sorts as its nice to know other people are going through this with you.

[Infrared]

Thats kind of the irony isn't it? There's always such a strong pull to communicate with the person who is causing us hurt.

 

Over the last weekend, a girl gave me her phone number at a party. Getting hit on and knowing I have to move away to a new city where I don't know anybody relapsed me into a funk. We were suppose to move together.

[Rochelle]

I"m sorry for your pain but happy you have found ENA and have wisely chosen to vent here then to vent to her.

 

It's been 24 days for you, the worse of it's over...you can easily (well not so easily) get thru another 24. Do not weaken your resolve....you will likely not get a good result from your contact. Let her contact you, if she wants you she knows how to find you and show you.

 

Otherwise any other form of communication w/out being fully healed will continue to bring you down. You are doing great so far...finish this.

 

I bet in another month, which will be here before you know it, you will see moving to another city as an exciting opportunity for you to start fresh, make all new friends, go where no one knows you and start a life for yourself.

 

It doesn't feel it now, but you would be amazed at what another month of NC would do for you!

 

Until then, if it hurts too much to go on dates, etc, journal, come on here many times and vent how you feel if it keeps you from giving into the urge to contact her....just busy yourself in other ways...the gym, outdoor activities (you could find a rock climbing group or some type of social, non-datey thing to get involved in), read about moving on and self improvement....this is your time to concentrate on you. Slowly you will think of her less and less and regain your self confidence.

 

Besides, she is def NO angel, you can admit that much. You don't want her back now...your emotions are involved right now, but i think if you were to get back, eventually you would see her in not such a great light and what she did would eat at you. You are young you have plenty of chances to meet someone great.

 

You have showed great strength, dignity and pride here. You can do this.

 

Good luck to you friend.