A Weird Situation

[Unmotivated]

Over the summer I dated a girl, and it was my first experience dating. I was really into her. But I made a ton of "nice guy" mistakes. I gave her tons of attention the whole time, I called her too much, I offered to go out of my way to help her with mundane things whenever I could, I had no concept of kino escalation and when it came time to kiss her I froze solid, etc, etc. Naturally, she decided I was a loser and started sending signals that she wasn't interested in my anymore.

 

Well, we both knew that we were going to have two classes together in the semester to come. I requested to be friends on myspace and she accepted.

 

Now, by this time, I've realized that I need some serious work on my social skills and began a massive metamorphosis, working on my confidence, attire, grooming, and my understanding of male-female interactions. I make it my mission to make new friends and to find love in the year to come.

 

Classes start, and we avoid each other. A few weeks pass. At some point during that time, I decide that it's kind of pointless to list that I'm looking for relationships on facebook, so I strip all of that info, which apparently sends my friends the message " is no longer listed as single", and that could be interpreted in a few different ways.

 

I think she noticed when I changed it, because she started acting a bit different in class, making eye contact with me more often and laughing when I say something funny. But this whole time, I'm basically ignoring her because I don't want telegraph any interest, figuring it would just make things worse.

 

The thing is that this girl isn't very experienced at relationships and IMO she isn't going to get any guys asking her out any time soon with how she acts in public.

 

Well, today, she updated her status on facebook to say " is lonely". And I guess I don't really know what I'm asking her in this post. At first I just wanted to ignore her in class, but now I kind of feel like I should talk to her. I'm not that serious about her anymore and I have a number of other girls on the radar, a couple of which I think are really into me. So I don't really know how to handle it. Part of me says to just let it go and forget all about her, and another part of me says that at least I should go up and talk to her about the situation.

 

Thanks for reading this, I think it was more of one of the get something off my chest posts than anything, but as always I appreciate any comments and/or advice that anyone has!

[Lily04]

you sound a bit cocky, to be honest... "The thing is that this girl isn't very experienced at relationships and IMO she isn't going to get any guys asking her out any time soon with how she acts in public."

 

you just said that you were socially awkward, and had your first experience dating at 24 and yet, you're going about judging HER for not being very experienced?? and yet you have multiple girls now "on the radar...?" No offense but it sounds like you're letting it get to your head now that you've had some type of social makeover... how do you know a girl like her wouldn't also have guys "on the radar"?

 

you don't sound all that experienced to be honest ,if you don't know how to handle this... but regardless you're not attached to anyone, why not talk with her? it's not necessary to come on ENA to ask for permission to do so lol... just talk, ask her what's up, maybe flirt a bit... see if you're still interested. if she reciprocates cool, then you judge what happens... .for now it's a bit presumptuous to do anything... oh and myspace/Facebook status things I've learned, are pretty superficial... many people (including myself) don't indicate their status (i.e. single) so don't read too much into it... even when I was in a relationshiip I never indicated my status.... so yeah.

[PeanutButter]

ehh just find another girl. you can be friends, but dont let her try to make it more. you as well. it just isn't a good thing. its always best to move on from the past!! if she was acting different after you put no longer single, that could of meant many ways, then she might have an attraction to guys who are taken. or a guy who isn't looking. so that may not be good either.. just steer clear of her!!

 

good luck darling!

[Lily04]

ehh just find another girl. you can be friends, but dont let her try to make it more. you as well. it just isn't a good thing. its always best to move on from the past!! if she was acting different after you put no longer single, that could of meant many ways, then she might have an attraction to guys who are taken. or a guy who isn't looking. so that may not be good either.. just steer clear of her!!

 

good luck darling!

 

or maybe she was acting differently for different reasons entirely? maybe she never even saw his status change on myspace? you're making some cause/effect relationship, without considering other causes for a change in behavior....

[Unmotivated]

Basically, I've known her for a long time. She had a boyfriend for a few years and then he broke up with her. I came next. I think she's attractive, but I don't think most guys would. It may be cocky, but I stand by my statement. From what I've seen she goes about trying attract guys in a poor manner. We were both pretty clueless when we were dating, but the difference between me and her now is that I am trying to improve my understanding of social dynamics and she is using her same old routines, hoping that she will get lucky, like she did with me. As for my "radar", I went six years of college believing that I didn't have any girls interested in me, and now that I've made some fundamental changes to my methodology, I'm seeing a lot of positive responses. So, yeah, I may be wrong, and I never claimed to be an expert at this stuff, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't express my opinion based on what experience I do have.

 

And thanks for giving some meaningful advice there at the end.

[Lily04]

how does she go about attracting guys in a 'poor manner'? i thought girls pretty much just had to smile and wink, and they'd have guys flock to them......at least that's been my experience lol.

[Unmotivated]

I bet that would work for her, if she did that. Generally, she'll listen in on a conversation and then throw in some weird anecdotal statement that has more to do with her than the to do with the topic at hand and then she'll laugh at what she said. She tries so hard to "fit in" in class, but it seems like people tend to ignore her or only listen to her out of politeness. Maybe she's a bit self-centered, I don't know. I think the only reason her and I started dating was that I was really desperate, and she was kind of desperate because her had boyfriend just dumped her, and when I talked to her and she was telling me so much about herself, I thought she was flirting with me. In retrospect, she was just being herself.

 

Maybe somebody as desperate as me will come around and follow the same path, but I hope not. Having got to know her, she's a really cool person behind that awkward social front, and I think she deserves better than just the first random guy that comes up and asks her out. Heck, I was baffled the whole time I was dating her as to why she even wanted to go out with a loser like me. Looking back, I understand much better, and the whole ordeal gave me motivation to improve myself. I want to help her too, but I don't know how. I'm a better observer than I am a teacher.