HarleyHunny Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 That's what I felt like on Monday.....All the heartache of me getting sober, getting drunk, getting sober, getting drunk, he watched me fall flat on my ass, watched me pick myself back up, he was always there. He always supported me. He always encouraged me..He always made me feel worthy and loved...I finally make peace with the fact that our relationship is what it is and will never be anymore, I was, for the first time in a very long time happy, joyous, and content And WHAM! The coward sends me an email, a FREAKIN' Email, to tell me he did not enjoy our weekend together and it was time for us to end.........He certainly enjoyed me folding his laundry, washing his dishes and making a HUGE bowl of potato salad as his contribution to the Labor Day feast at work. He certainly enjoyed the passion of our love making.........I had no clue he was not enjoying our weekend together! He certainly didn't show it... How foolish I felt. I trusted him. I trusted him with my life and he doesn't even have the balls to tell me to my face........ I wanted to get drunk again. I wanted to crawl into a hole. I wanted HIM to suffer. I wanted to drink the poison and wait for him to die!!!! .Ha! That would show him, wouldn't it...OMG That's insane, but that's how I felt....AND...I haven't been to an AA meeting in ages. I haven't spoken to my sponsor or to another AA in months......I knew what I needed to do. I also knew what I wanted to do. But I managed to play the tape thru this time and know drinking is not the answer. But damn!!! It sure sounded like a great idea Monday night......Today is Thursday, and after much crying for a couple days and being angry, I feel better. I realized I was bending my life around his, which is never a good idea and in my head I knew this, but did it anyway..... I didn't know what to do with myself, so I joined a Yoga class, I started tonight. Before, I did it at home with a DVD, I certainly couldn't commit my time to something else, since we saw so little of each other, I always wanted to be free, just in case. AA meetings were out for the same reason..... OMG! What an idiot I was.....I was not Happy. I was not joyous and I certainly was not content.......It aint' perfect yet, but it will be.....Onward! and Upward!.......I'm sharing this with my AA group tomorrow, and you can bet, I'll be doing 90 meetings in 90 days.... Link to comment
nuttybuddy Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Sorry to hear 'bout that. He seems like he has a cold heart or NO heart. Link to comment
Paradigm1607307567 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 He has no balls and you have no liver. Not a good anatomical combination, much less a relationship. Good for you for moving on. Link to comment
eleanorrigby1 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Im glad to hear you didnt turn to drink, so many of my family are either recovering alcoholics or dying of chirrosis (sp?). I drink when I get sad, I always say its in my genes, but its a choice I make and Im really happy to hear that you didnt make that choice again, that you stood strong and firm. Im sorry that you got your heartbroken, you are right he should have done it to your face, I don't think it makes him heartless, it just makes him a coward. He knew how much you cared about him and he didnt want to be responsible for your pain, he didnt want to take responsibility of you and maybe he was scared that you would shout and scream and start drinking, then he would be left feeling guilty. the sad thing is, he has nothing to feel 'guilty' about. He did not mis-treat you, he just saw that the relationship was not going anywhere and chose to end it. We always seem to 'hate' the person who breaks our heart in the moment that they do it. We pick apart everything about them, say how horrible they were. If they were so horrible we wouldnt be feeling such pain and sorrow at their loss. You will ge through this and one day you will be able to see that what he did saved you both from a relationship that wouldnt have lasted. why would you want to be with someone that didnt love you as much as you loved them? I wish you all the best for the future xx Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted September 7, 2007 Author Share Posted September 7, 2007 Hey eleanor, very wise words..........thank you........((((hugs))))Please keep a close watch on your drinking, alcoholism is progressive and it will 'sneak up on you'.... Link to comment
eleanorrigby1 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Hey eleanor, very wise words..........thank you........((((hugs))))Please keep a close watch on your drinking, alcoholism is progressive and it will 'sneak up on you'.... I promise I won't go down that road, too much life ahead of me I don't want to miss out on! (((hugs))) xx Link to comment
HarleyHunny Posted September 8, 2007 Author Share Posted September 8, 2007 Happy to hear it..........I started my meetings back, 1 down 89 consecutive more to go.......then for the rest of my life, I'll never stop going. I'll never stop working the steps. I'll call my sponsor. I'll never bend my life around someone else, again......I'll continue to do the next right thing....I think I have to say "thank you" to him, at some point in my life. If he had not cared I might never have made it to AA the first time. If he hadn't broken my heart, I might just still be on that roller coaster...A reason, a season, a lifetime......I've been thru the reason and the season just ended, next stop a lifetime. Lord, I can't wait to see what you have in store for me next. Link to comment
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