greenmonster Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I've got a good buddy of mine who is always complaining about how broke he is...and yet he goes out more...travels more...and spends more money than anyone I know. now...here's the deal... he has a pretty good job...got his college degree and works in the advertising department of a good size company...been there about 4 years now...he makes good money but this guy travels ALL over the place...for example...this summer he went out to Vegas for 5 days...up to Chicago for a week (and paid for his ex-girlfiend to come along)...went down to Cabo for a week(and paid for some girl he had met like a month ago)...and is heading up to NYC here at the start of next month to see his brother. and yet he CONSTANTLY complains about being broke...he is always asking me for financial advice. He and I were college roommates and every time we go out he buys drinks for everyone he meets, spends an easy $200 bucks a week in bar tabs and most of it is because he buys rounds of shots for like 12 people... I've tried to tell him not to waste so much money on booze for people he hardly knows...but its like he always wants to be the life of the party so he doesn't pay attention. I've tried to tell him that going on all these trips is just stupid if he doesn't have the money...and he agrees...but then goes out and does it again... He doesn't ask me for money or anything...and never would...but I know that he is racking up some HUGE credit card debt and I really care about this guy and don't want to see such a burden put on him... How do I help him? What can I say? I mean...he is one of my best friends...he is a great guy...just HORRIBLE with money... Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Sounds to me like you've already given him advice - if he can't follow it, that's his problem. You've done all you can - he has to want to help himself now! Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Just support him. Listen to him complain. It sounds like he just wants sympathy. But don't let him cross your boundaries. If he complains every time you guys hang out. Let him know that it's hard to hang out with him when all he does is complain about money. If you really feel bad for him, sit him down and tell him something like "Look, I'm worried about you digging yourself into financial debt. You're my bro, and I don't want to see anything bad to happen. But if you tell me not to worry about it, I'll stop worrying about it." If you can't stop worrying, then maybe you're not being his friend; instead it sounds like you're trying to be his parent. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 OMG! Is is name David? - cos I'd SWEAR that's my brother!! The WORST thing you can do for him is perpetuate his issues by ever lending him money, paying for things for him or letting him spend money on you. Its very frustrating I know... but the good news is...it's not your problem. Its his. All you can really do is stand on the side lines and shake your head. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Maybe you could both sign up for a money management class? I'm sure you don't need it, but he might feel better and more inclined to go if he's got a friend with him. Or refer him to a financial counselor or something. In the end it's up to him to learn how to handle his money. If he won't do anything about it and starts complaining, change the topic. If he won't help himself, you don't need to hear about it. Link to comment
greenmonster Posted August 21, 2007 Author Share Posted August 21, 2007 If you really feel bad for him, sit him down and tell him something like "Look, I'm worried about you digging yourself into financial debt. You're my bro, and I don't want to see anything bad to happen. But if you tell me not to worry about it, I'll stop worrying about it." If you can't stop worrying, then maybe you're not being his friend; instead it sounds like you're trying to be his parent. I agree...this is very true...and I think what you have in quotations is word for word what I should say...I've had to act like this guy's parent before, and I'm willing to help him out now...but if he is just going to keep doing what he is doing then I should just stop worrying so much about it. OMG! Is is name David? - cos I'd SWEAR that's my brother!! The WORST thing you can do for him is perpetuate his issues by ever lending him money, paying for things for him or letting him spend money on you. Its very frustrating I know... but the good news is...it's not your problem. Its his. All you can really do is stand on the side lines and shake your head. haha...no...its not your brother...and I've never given him money, and I know he would never ask for it...but among our group of friends its very common for us all to buy rounds of drinks for eachother...pick up tabs...that sort of thing...not just he and I, but everyone does it. what kind of friend would I be though if I just stood back and watched him go into financial ruin? I understand it is his problem...but he is my friend...and just like if I had a friend on drugs I would do what I could to help him, I think I should do the same to help this guy. Maybe you could both sign up for a money management class? I'm sure you don't need it, but he might feel better and more inclined to go if he's got a friend with him. Or refer him to a financial counselor or something. In the end it's up to him to learn how to handle his money. If he won't do anything about it and starts complaining, change the topic. If he won't help himself, you don't need to hear about it. The idea of taking a financial planning class or seminar had crossed my mind and I think I need to really just look into that...good idea. honestly i don't care that much about his complaining as I do that I'm more concerned with his financial well being. problem is that among our group of friends we are all fairly successful people and most of us are married...and of the single ones left, he makes the least ammount of money, but its like he feels like he has to keep up with us in order to be our friend...does this make sense? I don't want to make it sound like he is a chairity case among this group and we are all trying to be nice to the poor kid...I mean...he makes 50-60K a year...and for a 28 year old guy thats dang good money...but when his three best friends make an average of twice that I'm sure it has to make him feel insecure. even though we never talk about it. its like this... Two of my friends went out to Vegas for a bachleor party...so he went to vegas for a 2 day business thing and stayed an extra 3 days to party with them. I went to the Caribbean with a girl...so he went to mexico with a girl Our friend Stucky went to Boston to catch a couple baseball games...so he went to Chicago to catch a couple games. see what I'm saying? its like he has a "one up" complex or something...or the attitude that if he doesn't do what we do then he isn't our friend... Thank you all for your thoughts on this by the way...really appriciate it!! Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 21, 2007 Share Posted August 21, 2007 It does sound like he's competitive. If he's got self-esteem issues, maybe he thinks he has to do what you guys do in order to be friends with you. He needs to develop his own hobbies and interests. It's good he's a got a friend like you to help him through all of this. Link to comment
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