Unsettling

[redsuede]

Ok.. so I am no newbie here. and still trying to work on myself, my issues that cause relationships to hurt me and leave me feeling horrible. I have realized that I do not have the greatest capability to face problems. In fact, I avoid them.. and hold in hurt and even resentment, just so the other person does not feel bad.

 

Last night I decided to look in the face of fear.. and do it. I called my gf. which our relationship is hanging by a thread, holding on by honesty and love.

 

because of this relationship and still healing from my last relationship, I am turning in to a person I am not that proud of.. and last night I decided to reclaim myself and embrace who I was becoming and hold on to myself before I lose myself.

 

Anyway, background info: Hooked up with my gf about 5 or 6 months ago. 1 month ago she told me she is still in love with her ex. I told her I would stand by her.. she tells me she needs solitude time.. i give.. she calls or texts.. I call or text back.. CREATION OF THE ROLLER COASTER BEGINS.. When I back off give her time she needs, she calls and says she is in love with me.. that makes me feel good and secure. BUT.. I havent felt good at ALL. Knowing she is still in love with her ex. I have started feeling insecure and resentful that she is in love with her ex.. and keeping me on a string.

 

So last night.. I called and faced my demons of holding in everything.. and said.. I respect her honesty.. and I do love her very much.. and I want to be there for her.. but i cant. I told her that I was lifting up the rug that we are shoving everything under and that we need to look at it and face it. She told me that she doesnt want to love her ex.. and i said.. BUT YOU DO LOVE YOUR EX. and that is why we are here. I continued to tell her that I love her.. and I wasnt going to promise her anything and I didnt want any promises back. I told her that I want a relationship that is just me. No one else. Been down that road, and hopefully down the road, our souls will touch again.. but I said I would miss her and said Goodbye.

 

She said goodbye

 

This morning.. Im at work.. My phone rings.. Its her...wanting to tell me about something irrelevant to us, an irritating thing that happened to her this morning.. Tells me she was sorry cause she knows she isnt supposed to call me. I said its OK.. listened and said goodbye.. and she throws in the "I love you"

 

I do love her. I wish it wasnt going this way.. But I do need to have the feeling of being true to myself. What am i supposed to think .

 

and by the way.. Facing up and stating how I am feeling felt great.

she did want to blame my past relationship at first for my wanting to end it for now.. until I said.. No, this is because YOU are choosing to stay stuck, your ex left you a year ago.. You are choosing the path you are on.. and until you are off of that path.. I cant continue with you.

 

what is she doing to me?

 

either way.. to all of you out there.. Be good to yourself.. and most of all.. stay true to yourself.

 

thank you for listening to my rant...

[nightw0lf]

 

 

So last night.. I called and faced my demons of holding in everything.. and said.. I respect her honesty.. and I do love her very much.. and I want to be there for her.. but i cant. I told her that I was lifting up the rug that we are shoving everything under and that we need to look at it and face it. She told me that she doesnt want to love her ex.. and i said.. BUT YOU DO LOVE YOUR EX. and that is why we are here. I continued to tell her that I love her.. and I wasnt going to promise her anything and I didnt want any promises back. I told her that I want a relationship that is just me. No one else. Been down that road, and hopefully down the road, our souls will touch again.. but I said I would miss her and said Goodbye.

 

She said goodbye

 

 

QUOTE]

 

You have something i dont, you have courage and power to know what you want. To know theres something wrong and go with your heart. You didnt hang around to say.. "ok so shes gonna stop loving him sometime..let me just hang in there"

 

I mean you really took it upon yourself to do whats best for you.. well done man..

[nightw0lf]

***Sorry about the quote thing

[redsuede]

Thank you very much nightwlf. I am just not really knowing why though she is doing this. Is it really possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time, or is that just a line people dish out? And if it is a line.. why not let me go? Why tell me that she is in love with me and she is going to marry me someday? Do people really stick around if they say they are still in love with their ex, and if they do... will the relationship endure as I am assuming both people lose respect for the one who "waits"

 

Very unsettling.. but thank you for what you said.. It was very nice to hear..

[nightw0lf]

Thank you very much nightwlf. I am just not really knowing why though she is doing this. Is it really possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time, or is that just a line people dish out? And if it is a line.. why not let me go? Why tell me that she is in love with me and she is going to marry me someday? Do people really stick around if they say they are still in love with their ex, and if they do... will the relationship endure as I am assuming both people lose respect for the one who "waits"

 

Very unsettling.. but thank you for what you said.. It was very nice to hear..

 

 

Well it depends. How long AFTER she left her ex did you 2 start dating ? If it was early then maybe she just felt lonely and was looking for a replacement.

 

I think its possible to still love your ex but not be in love. Yet, be in love with your current partner. Otherwise i agree with you..I dont see someone BEING in love with 2 people. Maybe she is just confused and needs time thats why i think what you did was good.

[redsuede]

technically.. her relationship ended a year ago.. actually a little over a year ago.. however, they stayed in the same house until February, while her ex was bringing home other people to date.. Her and I met in March.. However, I did not know the recent physical move that she had just made. She only let me know that her past relationship failed in July of 06.

 

I told her off the bat.. Please do not mess with my heart.. and PLEASE do not be physical with me if you are not there as I take that very seriously and I DO NOT sleep around just for the fun of it. There has to be some seriousness involved or I do not want to go there. Obviously we had gotten close enough that I felt that seriousness. so yes, on that end I am a bit upset..

 

Thank you very much for your words of wisdom.. Very helpful.. As I AM VERY CONFUSED WHAT TO THINK..... erg!

[nightw0lf]

Hey dont worry to much about it. Im the same person, i cant just sleep around, it has to be serious.

 

I can tell you this much judging from what you have explained. It seems she DOES want you, she DOES want to be with you but to avoid complications she wants NOTHING to do with her ex. This is good. She doesnt want him and doesnt want to love him thats what she has told you.

 

I think this is awesome because she knows she obviously wants to be with you but does not want her ex in the way. Again i say, what you did was for the best. Now she has time to know whats she's missing out on (you) and what she will never miss (him).

 

Dont ignore her now, play it safe but keep some love for yourself. She will come to a realization soon that what you 2 have is what she wants to keep.

 

The best thing you could have done was give her time to let go of the past so you 2 can have a future. Be strong and try not to worry about it to much.

[hank00]

Absolutely. This is a time to be somewhat selfish. Your feelings are just as important as hers. Perhaps she has seen what she lost and needs to be assured that you will just be there in some capacity. If she said she's in love with you those feelings will not fade over night.

[redsuede]

Wow.. You guys are amazing.. Thank you guys so much for your imput. Everything I needed and wanted and should hear... I have.. thank you so much.. Now I just need to keep my end up and stay clear..