Why is life still so hard for the "woman" man?

[RedPenguin]

I have a question that I've heard many times, seen evidence, and known that other guys would like to know.

 

Why is it, in life, that even when you basically get to the point where you are one of the most attractive and perfect guy for a woman, you still seem to have tons of problems?

 

What I mean is, I know that, to be attractive, you have to get the confidence, the sense of humor, no-cockiness, you need to treat women with respect, you need to not see them only for sex but not yet, no want them at all for sex, a safe middle ground. The guys that even guys seem to look at, like holy heck something if different about him, and can never figure it out.

 

Why do these types of guys always seem to run into roadblocks? It's like when they go for the women they like, they got everything going, yet it's like the girl is always either taken, the guy finds out he doesn't like her as much as he though, or the girl just doesn't seem to like him. But he can go down the street or to a mall, and tons of girls will look at him and smile. Also, he will for some reason always getting girls that have boyfriends flirting with him, instead of ones that are single, the single ones just seem to ignore him.

 

Why do some guys just seem to end up like this? I've seen so many guys that are supposedly everything most women want/dream men, but they can't ever seem to find a date, never seem to find women they like, and never seemed to be really talked to, almost like an outcast.

 

Why is this so often the case for a fair amount of men? I've seen a fair amount like this, it's like they have everything you would think women would go crazy after them, but it's just like they are ignored, and the guys who you would think no women would ever go for, seem to have a girlfriend most of the time.

 

Why is life so funny like this? Just seems like a mixed-up world or something.

 

I've been asked about why the information in this post happens, and I can't really answer it myself, it's just nothing really you can get your mind around or give a defiant answer it seems like.

[LBP]

A simple truth that you may need to embrace is that many of the things that women SAY they want in a man are not the things they actually want...

[RedPenguin]

No I know that, but often it's like the gad boy usually seems to win.

 

Gad Boy being Good bAD boy. The one who treats them with respect but would still be interested in sex.

 

It seems also, that you can never know what they want, almost makes you wonder if they know what they want.

 

It often sees like if you try hard you will not get anywhere but if you just give-up you can get further in some cases, it's funny.

[Jake11]

I've never had this problem.

[jettison]

Because he's a shallow, boring, souless robot who is probably horrible in bed? I'm just guessing.

[RedPenguin]

No I've seen men who yet a respectful to women, show that they still would love to make passionate love to them, and they many of them are crazy like they will do funny things that many people are afraid to do, and they will just have fun everyday. Everyone else looks boring compared to them, but they still have female issues.

[jettison]

No I've seen men who yet a respectful to women, show that they still would love to make passionate love to them, and they many of them are crazy like they will do funny things that many people are afraid to do, and they will just have fun everyday. Everyone else looks boring compared to them, but they still have female issues.

 

 

It's because attraction is much more subtle and complicated then anything you can read in a manual. And if you "learn" to be attractive to the opposite sex, as some occasionally suggest on this site, it will usually come off as disingenuine. And there's nothing less attractive to anyone then fake.

 

It's pretty easy to see why most people like to toss out the old cliche, just be yourself. It's because even if yourself is not particularly attractive to the opposite sex, yourself will still be more attractive then the alternative.

 

That's the short answer. For the long answer, there are 1000s of books on the subject.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

maybe its the kind of girls you go after... maybe as much as some woman are guilty of going after a bad guy..some men are guilty of going after the "b"?

[EvaGina]

IMO, people think they have to be a certain type of person to get a partner.

What they dont realise is that you should be a good person to ALL people for your own mental health... that just forcing yourself to treat a woman in a certain way just because you want a relationship is not only going to drive you mad, but itll ruin the relationship.

 

I wish I could explain it better, but it just seems to me that people dont pay enough attention to themselves before they embark into a couple, they set themselves rules and arent flexible enough...

 

and they dont realise that every potential partner is different!!! you cant just act like a person you arent inside and expect every woman to respond.

[LBP]

But you've said it yourself before, Eva... Sometimes you have to change yourself... I believe your exact words were, "Its easy to change."

 

I think that's the issue here. Nobody is born perfect and new situations require learning, from which we derive an education with which to better embrace the new.

[EvaGina]

But you've said it yourself before, Eva... Sometimes you have to change yourself... I believe your exact words were, "Its easy to change."

 

I think that's the issue here. Nobody is born perfect and new situations require learning, from which we derive an education with which to better embrace the new.

 

as humans, we tend to strive to be better people, its something that 99.999999% of us do. Those who dont normally have personality problems that hinder that drive.

 

Changing unwanted behaviour, and changing who you are are two complely different things.

 

My bf doesnt drink during the week anymore because he was doing "bad" things when he did... but he is still the same guy, he hasnt changed his political veiws or interests or anything.

 

All people have to understand is that they cant expect a person to act a certain way (comanding respect is fine, of course) and they cant set down a certain pattern of behaviour for every situation.

 

There are too many variables to say that ANYONE is a "womans" man... what a woman wants is someone who is compatible with her in humour, energy and interests, while being kind and respectfull... to say that you are a "womans" man is ignorant, as every woman is different... what my best friend likes is TOTALLY different to what I like...

[RedPenguin]

I always do that, be myself, myself is basically loving to be around women and guys who just love to have fun.

 

I am a naturally funny and confusing guy, where you gotta read into to me sometimes before I make sense.

 

I also, am one of the sweetest people you find but can appear sometimes as one of the coldest.

 

See I basically am really unique or at least try to me, I don't like to be like anyone else, I actually hate people like anyone else, it's like why do I have to do it because everyone does it?

 

It's like, why do I have to have my watch in 12 hr format because everyone does, I want it in 24 hr format, or why do I have to sit in the same seat in class all the time because everyone else does? It's like I like to be different.

 

Even though I be myself, it still seems fairly complicated still to get a girl to your liking, and like I said before, I gotta stop getting girls with boyfriends flirting with me, I don't mean the one in my other post, I had other girls in the past who had boyfriends, and they flirted with me. I have some weird luck where women with boyfriends flirt me with, but single ones don't. Don't ask me why, but numerous times, it's been that way for me. I know it may be hard to believe, but for me it happens.

[LBP]

You know, I was almost 20 before I had any idea as to how to deal with women. Now, it seems pretty darn easy! Sometimes it's just a learning process... No need to rush it.

[EvaGina]

I always do that, be myself, myself is basically loving to be around women and guys who just love to have fun.

 

I am a naturally funny and confusing guy, where you gotta read into to me sometimes before I make sense.

 

I also, am one of the sweetest people you find but can appear sometimes as one of the coldest.

 

See I basically am really unique or at least try to me, I don't like to be like anyone else, I actually hate people like anyone else, it's like why do I have to do it because everyone does it?

 

It's like, why do I have to have my watch in 12 hr format because everyone does, I want it in 24 hr format, or why do I have to sit in the same seat in class all the time because everyone else does? It's like I like to be different.

I hope this doesnt offend you, but it sounds to me like you are still in the early teen stage of "finding yourself" striving to be different, to always have a gimmick... I know what that feels like, but it is a huge relief when you stop playing that game and ACTUALLY start being yourself, which has little to do with thinking up ways to stand out from the crowd...

 

Even though I be myself, it still seems fairly complicated still to get a girl to your liking, and like I said before, I gotta stop getting girls with boyfriends flirting with me, I don't mean the one in my other post, I had other girls in the past who had boyfriends, and they flirted with me. I have some weird luck where women with boyfriends flirt me with, but single ones don't. Don't ask me why, but numerous times, it's been that way for me. I know it may be hard to believe, but for me it happens.

 

its not hard to believe, but I can say with confidence that those women probably woudnt date you if they were single... but it sounds to me like they find you approachable and a nice enough guy to flirt with without being being pressured into doing something bad enough to put their relationship in jeprody... and if THEY have tried to go further with it, IMO, it was probably just the age old "want what you cant have" thing.

 

I am really NOT trying to bring you down... it just sounds WAY to familiar to me...

 

Youre only 19, the amount of growing up people do in their late teens and 20's is insane... not only do you not know yourself that well, the people around you dont either... its bound to turn pear shaped

[RedPenguin]

Well, why does a girl have to have a relationship before she seems to want to flirt?

 

I mean, I would assume that a single girl would flirt with me, not a girl with a boyfriend. A girl would a boyfriend seems like she would rather be with her boyfriend then go out looking for other men.

 

Often it seems like the single girls act like they have a boyfriend or something, when you flirt with them, a fair amount seem to almost act like they have a boyfriend, I can't explain it, but girls seem to act different when they are turning you down because they have a bf, vs turning you do because they don't like you.

 

So many times, it's almost as if they single girls don't care about guys, it's weird, sometimes it's as if they single girls don't flirt as much as the girls with bfs.

 

And also if girls with boyfriends find me nice enough and approachable, why doesn't it ever seen like single girls find me nice and approachable and flirt with me, I think that would kinda make life easier, LoL.

[EvaGina]

Well, why does a girl have to have a relationship before she seems to want to flirt?

 

I mean, I would assume that a single girl would flirt with me, not a girl with a boyfriend. A girl would a boyfriend seems like she would rather be with her boyfriend then go out looking for other men.

 

Often it seems like the single girls act like they have a boyfriend or something, when you flirt with them, a fair amount seem to almost act like they have a boyfriend, I can't explain it, but girls seem to act different when they are turning you down because they have a bf, vs turning you do because they don't like you.

 

why worry about it, you cant change anyones behaviour

just dont return the flirting.

 

again, if htey are in your age bracket, they dont KNOW what they want, their relationships are most likely 2 dimensional and hollow and they are only staying in them out of fear... most people dont know how to be single well.

[RedPenguin]

Oh I see what you mean.

 

I just tried to imagine it in a logical way. Because it didn't really make much logical sense to me, taken girls flirt with guys but single not, just doesn't make sense at all logically.

 

That's like taking a busy street instead of an empty street to get somewhere quickly. LoL. Take the long-cut not the short-cut.

[EvaGina]

you cant try figure people out, all you can do is alter your behaviour to stop being put in undesireable situations.

 

People arentlogical for the most part... you gotta let go and just stop caring after a while

[LBP]

Ha, my friend Mr. Penguin, you really are naive aren't you? Okay, rule number one - women are NOT logical. In fact, using a form of anti-logic is very important when dealing with them.

 

There's only one hard and fast rule when it comes to male/female attraction. There is a type of man, an Alpha Male, who will by nature of his testosterone or charisma or freaking SOMETHING will pull an abnormal number of women. I'm sure you know the type I'm talking about.

 

I'll refer to a friend I have, who lost his virginity at the tender age of 13. He's been with more women than he can possible count. He's cheated on every single girlfriend he's ever had. None the less, they continue to come. It's almost comical. Is there any logic to that? Not in the standard sense. I even know that he's not all that good in bed (I've heard this from the COUNTLESS females that he plows through, though they may just be bitter)! What do you want? It is what it is.

 

You'll evne find women on this very board who speak about being with a man who is nice, attractive, good in bed, but being completely unsatisfied by him. Accept that what you have to do to be successful will become natural in time. Trying to force it is a waste.

 

I'm sure I've contradicted myself a million times in this thread... See what I'm saying? Anti-logical.

[EvaGina]

-ahem-

HUMANS arent logical... Men are just as stupid as women.

 

now that has been cleared up... your friend will stop getting laid eventually... and I doubt hes good in bed... I have bedded a few guys like that and they are usually poohs.... you have to have empathy to be a good lover, you have to want the other person to feel good too

[Mavis VDSande]

I don't think girls suddenly choose to openly flirt with other guys when they are attached, or that you'll never get the signals you want with a girl you like who's single.

 

I think in order to understand how girls you're interested are coming accross to you, and why they are behaving the way they are - you need to look into your own actions, and how you come accross to them.

 

Are you being attractive? Or just nice? Are your actions underlined with a little desperation? Are you actually comfortable in your own skin? Are you confident?? Is it "them", or it is "you"?!

[ghost69]

while you might be perfect for a woman, you might not be perfect for the next one you meet. and some women pass up a great guy. it just happens.

[RedPenguin]

Speaking of your friend, is that maybe why, I could not get a single girl to look at me in school.

 

It was like the girls hated me, and were not afraid to tell me. If I sent them a rose on Valentine's Day at the school, they just laughed, teased me, picked on me, insulted me, and basically put in to the form of "human trash" basically, that everyone was better then me.

 

I was not that type of person in High School though. Now it's like, I don't believe I changed much, but yet, I'm starting to get women smiling at me, and am catching women staring at me and glancing at me constantly, but yet, I don't really get flirts, or really any that seem to want to have a relationship with me, it's like I am treated as just something to look at, like I am a piece of art, like I'm not really anything you can have, when technically you can. It's like I'm just viewed not actually taken.

 

It's also as if you are too cheat on your girl like the previous poster, even though that's wrong, oddly enough, it seems to work, it's just strange.

 

Also, I think you have a point ghost69, because, for some reason, I can go to college and it's like I'm ignored by the women, none ever really notice me, but I can go to the mall, and get noticed by almost every girl I walk by. So I guess maybe there are just different types of girls in different areas, because I never generally have luck in college, much greater in stores.

[Miss Firecracker]

The suave man has as many problems as the average one. No matter how much people have, they aren't satisfied. They always look for something a little better. If a guy can easily get one girl, he's probably looking at another one who wouldn't give him the time of day.

 

People in general are always looking for more.

[RedPenguin]

That seems to make sense. Cause it's funny how things zig-zag like that, like I said, myself as an example, how a guy can guy to one place, not get a single girl look at them, then go to another place and be a huge ladies man. Life is just funny like that I guess.

 

Also, if it's this hard to keep a woman attracted to you, then obviously there is no such thing as a player or pimp right? Obviously if it's so hard to keep and attract a mate, no one can really be a playa right? You would have to use some damn good psychology if you can it would see, like be a damn good manipulator, I would think.

 

Also, the way everything sounds, it's like for no one at all, is there really the right person, because it seems like every time you get with another person they can just end up and leave you. It doesn't like the world of mates is at all fun and sounds like the majority of it can be painful and feel evil. It's like you only ever borrow a mate, like they are never yours only, so it's funny how we have marriage when yet, it sounds like technically we were born to be free, not bonded.