When its over, it is OVER.

[Never_the_same]

I very recently had my heart broken my the man whom i thought was "the one". I loved him so much that I built a future around him. He was the perfect guy for me, did everything to make me happy. He was going to be my partner in life and we're gonna grow old together. It was as though nothing can go wrong. But it wasnt like that at all. He broke up with me last May 2006 for reasons that is totally undeserved. My whole world crashed. My dreams were shattered and I didnt have anything to look forward to everyday. It was the worst feeling a person can ever feel. I would gladly let anyone stab me rather than feel the pain of losing the one you love. I couldnt think straight and I cannot go through a day without crying. That's when I found this sight and read about no contact. I decided to do it coz its the best move I can do. But my loneliness got the best of me. I talked to him and asked him that maybe we can still work things out coz i know deep in my heart that he still loves me.

 

I did everything I could to make him go back to me. He wasnt the same person anymore and he talks to me differently already. Everytime we talk, I always have high expectations that we're gonna make things work again. But all it gave me were disappointments. All my friends are telling me that I should let him go coz if he really does love me, he's gonna make and effort to also make it work. But I got none, and still hang on.

 

Recently, I told him how I felt. I told him that I've been trying to make things work for us for more than a year and yet its still the same and things even got worst. Until he finally told me that its never gonna be the same again. And the problem is not me but him. Oh! I so hate that line! he even told me that I should try to forget about him. He's crazy! How can I ever do that? He's "the one" for crying out loud! I loved him so much and my family adored him. How can I even tell them that's its over between the two of us. I knew i shouldm't be crying while we're talking but I could help it. The pain I had when we first broke up more that a year ago is as intense as it is now. I dont know how to start over. I told him that if that's what he wants, I wouldnt be running after him anymore. I dont know if I can do it this time but I have no choice.

 

So now, I am firm in my decision to do NC. I should've never broken it in the first place. It is the hardest thing to do but its the best thing I can do for myself. I am trying to recover one day at a time.

[redsuede]

sorry to hear your situation. I have been there and stayed there a VERY LONG TIME. Healing all depends on US. The day that you truly live for YOU.. and not about him or the relationship.. is the first day you do some real progress. Retrain your brain as what you think is WHAT YOU FEEL. make sure you eat and sleep.. Stay away from alcohol as alcohol truly is a depressant. Post here.. read here.. most most of all FIND your spark for what the future can bring now. You do have a life that is wonderful.. Keep your eyes out of the rear veiw mirror, and look forward and you wont crash.

 

Good luck.. Keep us posted on how you are.

[darkpumpkin]

I feel for you because I was you 2 years ago. I contacted the ex hoping and wishing that I could make it work....he was not the same man. I heard the same lines and felt the same pain. The only way I got over it enough to function was through N/C. I still think of him. I still wonder how he's doing but I don't hurt anymore because of him. I don't hurt because he's not with me.

 

BE VERY STRONG AND STICK TO N/C. IT WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE!!

[Never_the_same]

sorry to hear your situation. I have been there and stayed there a VERY LONG TIME. Healing all depends on US. The day that you truly live for YOU.. and not about him or the relationship.. is the first day you do some real progress. Retrain your brain as what you think is WHAT YOU FEEL. make sure you eat and sleep.. Stay away from alcohol as alcohol truly is a depressant. Post here.. read here.. most most of all FIND your spark for what the future can bring now. You do have a life that is wonderful.. Keep your eyes out of the rear veiw mirror, and look forward and you wont crash.

 

Good luck.. Keep us posted on how you are.

 

Thank you redsuede for that. Your words are really helping me. I know I can go through this but I still dont know when. Right now I'm still consfused. I wanted to be angry at him for treating me like this but I cant. I love him too much. I just can't comprehend how a person who loved you so much can break it off just like that. That is the most painful part. I can't concentrate on work and I'm trying not to make my family see just how painful this break up is for me. I want them to see that I'm totally fine with it and that I'm just ok. But every waking moment is just gonna tell me that its over. I wish i could just talk a pill or something that can make the pain go away and make me forget about him.

[bubblyblonde11]

The NC is hard but it is the best way. Delete every no, email, etc you have - I wrote them on a post it note put it in my address book but not having it in the phone stopped me from contacting him anymore. No email, no text, no IM, no phone calls - have you thought about perhaps seeing a counsellor just for someone to talk things over with.

 

Also how about treating yourself and making yourself feel special, a massage, a facial, shopping spree, new dress, I am going for reflexology on Monday. Also I can say this enough, keep busy as busy as you can, the more busy you are whether its watching a film, out with friends, shopping, etc the less time you will be thinking about him (believe me I am the worst for this) but its worked for me, when i am occupied I hardly think or feel anything bad at all - yet when I am bored I do.

 

So come on girl, pick yourself up, make some plans for the next week or so and get busy - I promise you will feel better for it, really I do, I am getting through being dumped myself.

 

chin up

 

(((((hugs)))))

[Never_the_same]

I feel for you because I was you 2 years ago. I contacted the ex hoping and wishing that I could make it work....he was not the same man. I heard the same lines and felt the same pain. The only way I got over it enough to function was through N/C. I still think of him. I still wonder how he's doing but I don't hurt anymore because of him. I don't hurt because he's not with me.

 

BE VERY STRONG AND STICK TO N/C. IT WILL GET BETTER I PROMISE!!

 

Thank you so much darkpumkin for your encouragements. It will never be the same again. He's words "I think you should forget about me" keeps on repeating on my head. Just thinking about it makes my heart ache so badly. But not talking to him is the best thing I can do for myself right now. I dont want to go through the same roller coaster again and get false hope. I know I did everything to make it work but when the other person doesnt feel the same, all the effort is worthless.

 

It really helps me to know that there are a lot of people who went through the same pain as I am. And that these same people are not hurting anymore. I wish for that day to come.

[redsuede]

Yes, you are right.. It is VERY painful in just the act of knowing the past and pain for the future. When we analyze things in hopes of reconcilliation, it wont change a thing. Letting go will feel so good, even though its what we fear the most. Trust in yourself now. Your future is YOURS.. Know that this will pass.. You will not feel this way forever...

[darkpumpkin]

Thank you so much darkpumkin for your encouragements. It will never be the same again. He's words "I think you should forget about me" keeps on repeating on my head. Just thinking about it makes my heart ache so badly. But not talking to him is the best thing I can do for myself right now. I dont want to go through the same roller coaster again and get false hope. I know I did everything to make it work but when the other person doesnt feel the same, all the effort is worthless.

 

It really helps me to know that there are a lot of people who went through the same pain as I am. And that these same people are not hurting anymore. I wish for that day to come.

 

Yes it will come. It is so hard to believe. I know I didn't back then. I clung to hope...so much so it was destroying me, which by the sounds of your post it's starting to do to you. It's so hard! take it one day at a time. Do n/c for you and even if you have to do it just for the sake that you can't miss someone if they don't go away. He has moved on, but you do want him to think about you right? in some way? well n/c is the way to go. He may never contact you again but at least you will give him the space and time to think about things.

[Clabs]

Hey Never the same.

 

I am so sorry to hear about your situation.

 

Well - at least you know for sure - you have some closure - as much as it sucks. I too sat in misery, despair and total shock that somone who was so into you could break it off just like that.

 

It seems right now like you will never get over this - ever. The hurting hurts so much - nasty waves of numbness and sickening blows to the stomach.

 

Well - take a look around this site - there are lots of people who have been where you have been and come through this - me included. Start and take one minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time. Build on this and get through tomorrow. Things will slowly get better - you will start to see things more clearly.

 

It is time to be selfish now - get your head back on straight.

 

redsuede is right - you can help yourself get over this more quickly - try to be positive. I like his windscreen analogy - it's one I like to use. Look forward not only to stop you crashing but because the view forward is beautiful and so much better than the cr@ppy view through the rear view mirror.

 

Take care.

 

Mark

[Never_the_same]

Hi bubblyblonde11, these are really great suggestions. I havent really deleted his contact number in my phone and I will do its soon. All his text messeges on how much he loves and how he wanted to marry me and be the mother of his children are still on my phone. I still dont have the courage to delete them too. I will eventually because I need to move on. Its just really hard when my family is asking about him. I really dont know what to tell them. I just say that we've broken up and we're both ok about it.

 

I am also trying very hard to keep myself busy. I've been cleaning the house repeatedly and and trying to go out with family and friends so that I dont have to stay at home and think about him. The evenings are the worst! Not a night goes by that I dont cry myself to sleep. I'm so pathetic for being like this. I always with that i shouldnt have met him in the first place.

[Never_the_same]

Thank you redsuede for your encouraging words. I know that this too shall pass. But the journey isn't easy. Right now, i'm just concentrating on breathing. The pain is just so imposible to bare.

[jettison]

Never the Same,

 

I'm sorry for your pain. Many of us on ENA can relate. For some people, their whole lives will be about the search. About accomplishing the "goal of love" rather then achieving the goal and just living "in love". If your SO thought that he had found it, he might then feel that he has no use for it any longer.

 

The "it's not you, it's me" line in this sense might have been completely accurate. He may think that he needs someone that he can't please, someone that could break his heart, someone that he feels he doesn't quite measure up to. Someone that would leave him if he didn't shape up. That's not you. Apparently, you'd be by his side "no matter what". That's what scares him. He wants someone that will give him boundries and put him in line.

 

Think about that one... that's exactly what you feel about him, and you "can't live without him". That's what people do. In the push/pull, many of us want to be with someone who loves us but also doesn't need us. If we think that someone's happiness is dependent on us, many of us run. It's sad that this is true.

 

From everything your ex has said, it certainly seems like it's over. I don't want to give you any false hope, and like other posters will say, the only thing you can do now it to fight to move on, but the only way you ever get back someone like this is if you no longer need him.

 

If he believe in his heart that you don't need him, you might be able to have him. However, if you no longer need him, then why would you want someone who treated you so poorly? That's the rub. You won't. So in conclusion, it's possible that you could have this guy again someday... when you no longer want him.

[Never_the_same]

Yes it will come. It is so hard to believe. I know I didn't back then. I clung to hope...so much so it was destroying me, which by the sounds of your post it's starting to do to you. It's so hard! take it one day at a time. Do n/c for you and even if you have to do it just for the sake that you can't miss someone if they don't go away. He has moved on, but you do want him to think about you right? in some way? well n/c is the way to go. He may never contact you again but at least you will give him the space and time to think about things.

 

You are correct darkpumpkin, i was hoping beyond hope that all my efforts are gonna make things better for us. I clung to it because it was the only thing I have. It really is very, very hard. But this time, i'm committing myself to NC. The very thought that he has moved on and i didnt is just so unfair. :sad:

[Never_the_same]

Thanks Clabs, it really does help me knowing that I am not alone. People who triumphed over a nasty breakup keep my hopes up. I am just thankful for all the people here who give encouragements for people like me who is still in shock. It's just still very difficult to imagine life without him. Life is so unfair.

[darkpumpkin]

It isn't is it! Its not fair at all. But then again if life was fair I don't think anyone would have to suffer a broken heart. You have the right idea. He's moved on and if nothing else prove to him so have you. Nothinig worse then being thought of as someone "who will always be in love with me" even if it is true. I tried with that ex to be friends a year later and all he could do is respond in a matter thinking I was still hung up on him....it's a shame. Show him your happy without him.

[bubblyblonde11]

Hey tell your family, they are your blood and will be there for you and too support you in this tough time, you need to lean on people. STOP worrying about telling them they care about YOU and will look after you.

 

You need your friends and family now.

 

Hey sweetie action plan for weekend/week ahead, small steps at a time

 

Tell your family

 

Delete his numbers and texts (its hard I know I had to two weeks ago)

 

Make some plans even if its just visiting people or going for swim or gym

 

Book yourself something relaxing like a massage, you need to rest your mind and destress a little

 

Try and exercise (to destress) and eat as much as you can (I struggled with this) but found if I ate with people then I did so get out a bit

 

Nothing there is major, you can do it and you will feel so much better by the end of the week - trust me, I thought two weeks ago my life was over, all my hopes and dreams shattered - but hey two weeks later I am so much better and making plans and enjoying the extra time I have for me.

 

(((((((((bigger hugs))))))))))

[Never_the_same]

Jettison, it is probably what I needed to hear/read/realize. Everything you said is true. Thank you so much for saying that. All my friends are telling me the exact same thing how a guy would pull away if I gave him an impression that I’d be always available and never leave his side. This probably what scared him. I was just too stubborn to even listen because I always thought that he was different. But he was just the same as all the other men who broke women’s heart. I thought that all he wanted in a woman was in me, but it wasn’t. I cannot even imagine him with another girl right now. That is just so wrong.

 

I cannot deny the fact that everyday I still wish that he would come to his senses and realize how special I am to him. But its not going to happen soon and I’m glad it wouldn’t coz I WILL take him back the second he asks me. That’s how pathetic I am right now. NC is the hardest thing, I am taking each day at a time. And I pray for the day that he’ll want me back and I wont want him anymore.

[Never_the_same]

darkpumpkin, its comforting to know that there is somebody who can relate to the same thing i am going through. I have always been really honest and open to him. The first time we broke up more than a year ago, he wanted us to be friends, I told him straight that I can never be his friend or him to me. He'll always be more than that to me. But I took back what i said and told him that we can start with that and try to work on it. Apparently, it never worked. And when he recently broke up with me again, he wanted to be friends with me. I told him I cant but this time, i was going to stand firm in what I said. Its really hard for me.

[darkpumpkin]

I am a bit confused. You broke up a year ago, told him you couldn't be friends then changed your mind (which I have done *shaked head in shame) and then got back together with him?

[caliboy_2007]

Never the same:

 

I can SO MUCH TO GOD, relate to you. I can go on and on and I wish you could read my personal journal but I am going through the same as you, except, I'm the guy here in the relationship. I heard what you heard (it's not you, it's me, ..., and lots of other non-sense things) but I loved her so much and I can't let go of her competely but over the past 2 months I have got back on my feet. It still hurts to deep in my bones and skin every night but I'm back on my feet, have been more successfull at my career and school... and yes, still miss her. There has not been one day I haven't thought about her but I told you all this for one thing:

 

I love her so much that I asked God, if she's gonna be happy this way, then that's all I ever wanted for her anyways so I'll be ok. She seems to have moved on and I've been actually able to do a NC with her in the past month.

 

BE STRONG, it's the hardest thing but I tell you one thing I believe NOW:

If GOD were to ask me "Do you want me to rewind to the past and have this never happen to you?" ... I'm not sure if I woulda said "yes"... in fact I would've probably said "No, put me through this pain".

 

Never the same: I became so much stronger BECAUSE of this. I know it sounds weird but I did. I still love her even MORE than I did before but now I am truly finidnig out the reason, the real reason, why we HAVE TO LOVE ourselves before others.

 

Please be strong, and come talk to us here. We're here for you.

[schueysgirl]

Hi never_the_same,

just to offer some more support i know just what you are going thru i am going thru it myself and everyones advice was spot on...i am trying to keep busy also, we can do this and we dont need them...we are fine on our own!! Look after yourself xxx

[Never_the_same]

bubblyblonde, its is really difficult when there are other people involved, specially when its your family. They just truly adore him. They always tell me how perfect we are for each other. They cant wait to have him in our family. He's been really good to us specially when a family member passed away, he was there to support us all the way. I SO LOVED HIM more because of that. All I have of him are his good qualities, i try to think of some of the bad ones but i cannot coz i loved him so much. I'm so stupid for thinking this way. I know. Each day is a struggle. Im glad I found this site. Its helping me a lot.

[Never_the_same]

I am a bit confused. You broke up a year ago, told him you couldn't be friends then changed your mind (which I have done *shaked head in shame) and then got back together with him?

 

Yeah, i couldn't survive without him. So i'd rather eat my pride than to not have him in my life. I was so weak. I did everything I could to make things better but all it did was prolong my heartache. I was so cautious in what i say coz i dont want to start another argument and then I'll start all over again. Then i got tired and finally had the courage to ask him where we're really going. I didnt get the answer I want. And here I am, broken hearted again.

[Never_the_same]

Hi caliboy_2007, I find so much comfort in people who can relate to what im going through right now. It hurts so badly and you’re totally correct, it hurts deep into my bone and skin. I can never love anybody else the way I loved him. All our dreams are gone, I’m not really excited about the future anymore.

 

I’m glad you’re back on your feet, I wish I can be in your shoes right now. God has been very good to me. He gives me strength to move on. I don’t know what His reasons are but one thing I know for sure, everything that happens to me right now is for the best. I may not be able to understand it now, but I know I will eventually. I’m so very happy for you, because people like you inspire me so much. I know one day, when another person comes here, I’ll be the one giving them this same advice. This site is a blessing, and I’m so blessed because a lot of people like you care for a stranger like me. Thank you so much.

[Never_the_same]

Hi never_the_same,

just to offer some more support i know just what you are going thru i am going thru it myself and everyones advice was spot on...i am trying to keep busy also, we can do this and we dont need them...we are fine on our own!! Look after yourself xxx

 

Hi schueysgirl, hang in there, we'll get through this. I'm taking all your advices. I'm keeping myself busy and i try to go out as much as i can. Thank you so much for your support.