Another engagement question

[filmraven]

I have a question regarding a long engagement since that's where I'm finding myself.

 

My bf wants to get married in two years because he doesn't want to interfer with his sisters wedding which is taking place in a year from now in the summer. Does this make sense? I understand he doesn't want to upstage her but I see it as such a separate thing.

 

Personally, I agree with pretty much everyone else here regarding long engagements. I figure if you really want to marry someone you're gonna do it in a considerably shorter frame of time. I don't think weddings need to cost lots of money or require years to plan-if that is what you want. I guess maybe I'm just speaking for myself,haha!

[Inked1]

Waiting that long has it's pros and cons. On the upside you get to see her wedding first and that gives you ideas on what you do or don't want as part of your ceremony, and you don't get "upstaged" by her wedding either.

 

On the downside, who wants to wait that long if you don't have to. Maybe split the difference and set your date 3 - 6 months after hers. Seems like enough time to make both weddings feel really special.

[DN]

Moderator Note: filmraven, I have moved your post into it's own thread as it may get more responses and won't distract from the original thread.

[Batya33]

I have a question regarding a long engagement since that's where I'm finding myself.

 

My bf wants to get married in two years because he doesn't want to interfer with his sisters wedding which is taking place in a year from now in the summer. Does this make sense? I understand he doesn't want to upstage her but I see it as such a separate thing.

 

Personally, I agree with pretty much everyone else here regarding long engagements. I figure if you really want to marry someone you're gonna do it in a considerably shorter frame of time. I don't think weddings need to cost lots of money or require years to plan-if that is what you want. I guess maybe I'm just speaking for myself,haha!

 

I personally would find that a silly excuse but with the huge caveat that that is just me - for some couples the focus is more strongly on the wedding - the party - than on the marriage - and it's wrong to judge someone else's priorities. However, if you do not agree with him then it is a subject for discussion - I would work hard however not to sound defensive or insecure that he is just making excuses to delay the big day.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Lots of couples actually get married the same day/same wedding if they are siblings, so it is really a matter of preference. Or it could just be an excuse he is using because he wants more time.

 

You could do it much sooner (in 6 months) so that she has a full 6 more month buildup to her own. So really either his sister is quite the prima donna and doesn't even want another wedding impinging within a light year of her own, or your fiance has just found a convenient excuse for a long engagement he might want for whatever reason....

 

Talk to him more about it and suggest 6 months... one can easily plan a wedding easily in 6 months, if you don't go too overboard in the size/details.

[redrose85]

Both of my cousins got engaged this year. The older sister in February, and the younger one a few months later, I think May. The older sister is getting married next March, and the younger one is getting married in July. They seem to be working together on their wedding plans, but I have a feeling that the older sister was a bit put off at first at having to share her thunder. Years is not necessary though, in my opinion, unless you want a big elaborate wedding that will take time to arrange, and lots of money to save up.

[Batya33]

The issue here is that the priority of a big wedding that could steal someone's thunder is more important than making the marital commitment sooner. If that were not true then if the fiancee was concerned about stealing his sister's thunder, they could have a small wedding (or elope) and delay the party until after the sister's wedding. If the OP has expressed that the party is a priority - particularly a big party - then perhaps if she tells him that it is more important to her that they be married sooner than later he will reevaluate his issue with his sister's wedding plans.

[filmraven]

To explain a little better...

 

My bf's sister lives at the other end of the country from us. Though she is planning on having a rather large wedding on the east coast (since that is where she is from).

 

We are planning on having a very small wedding. With our parents, grandparents, siblings, and maybe a couple of friends. We have chosen to wed in the Caribbean which I know will take time to save up for.

 

I know my bf is afraid of "taking away his sisters thunder" or as he put it, "Hey, look at us, we're getting married too!" Which to me, is not a big deal since it's such a personal, individual thing.

[filmraven]

I would gladly post this in a separate topic but for the life of me I cannot get it to work so...

 

while I'm on the topic...My bf bought a diamond seven months ago and he has yet to buy the setting (which we picked out) to go with it. I was feeling ok about it until yesterday when I talked to my dad and he said,"So, when is he planning on proposing?" (he's known about the diamond since last January) I told him his guess was as good as mine but I figured it would be soon. He responded by saying, "Are you sure it's going to happen?" And I felt really crushed. I'm already feeling uneasy about the wait but after having my dad say that it really made me feel lousy.

 

Is this something I should mention to my bf? Or would it be smarter to live in aside?