need some advice......

[blondy24]

I see this guy once a week..usually every saturday. we've had one of those really rocky up and down relationships for years, but we've always had this connection and for some reason ive never been able to bring myself to break it off with him. I guess if it were a real connection and real love it wouldnt be going like this....

 

he lives an hour away so we never see eachother during the week. I usually go see him every saturday and we spend the night together. he tells me all the time he loves me, he wants this to work but then the night after I see him he doesnt even call me the next day, sometimes not even till tuesday. he says its because hes hungover or busy or whatever, but it p*sses me off...if your really "working things out" and if he really "loves me" why wouldnt he call me the next day, or wait 2-3 days to even get in touch with me?? no one is that busy. if you really love someone that just doesnt happen.

 

then when he does get in touch with me he only sends text messages. he used to call all the time but that stopped. he says im acting like a psycho when I get mad and ask him why he cant just pick up the dam phone and call me and why he goes MIA the day after I see him and wants nothing to do with me. sometimes i'll write to him during the day just to say hi and he wont respond for over 12 hours, saying hes busy at work or something, its a new excuse every time.

 

he has a drinking problem, which probably doesnt help things. he seems to only want to have sex when hes drunk and he makes all these promises to me when hes drinking and I stupidly believe them every time. when hes drunk hes romantic and affectionate and tells me how in love with me he is, how he wants to marry me, how he doesnt understand why I wont marry him. I refuse because number one we only see eachother once a week, we barely talk anymore, hes always wasted when he suggests these things, i have yet to even see a ring or anymore effort on his part. its like he says it because he knows it wont happen and likes to pretend like he's trying and its a really pathetic attempt if you ask me.

 

the first few years with him were amazing, not like this at all. we actually had a real relationship, we saw eachother alot, he was romantic, affectionate, emotionally supportive, etc. I think im just hanging onto who he used to be. its so hard to let go of someone you are in love with and even harder when they are so hot and cold all the time. one day he tells me everything I want to hear and im convinced he's changed. the next day its as though I dont exist and he has this I-dont-give-a-sh*t attitude. when I confront him about it he says im being "crazy" and that nothing has changed...that I need to stop "pulling this sh*t all the time" when all I ask him is why hes so different from one day to the next!! hes turning things around onto me knowing d*m well how he's acting. its so frustrating and it hurts. its emotionally draining to deal with this all the time.

 

im sure you are all reading this and asking yourselves what the hell is she thinking.....its hard when you love someone and when you have a history together and all of a sudden they start pulling away.

 

any advice would be appreciated, im completely torn over him.

[esrever]

Hey blody24, welcome to the forums.

 

Here's my take on this, you might not want to accept this but it's not just his fault. He does live an hour from you okay? He won't see you every day, you knew this before-hand. if that's something you need (which I think for you it seems to be) then you need to find somebody else.

 

On his side, he has a drinking problem. That's self-explanatory, if it's true then he needs to get help with this before he even thinks about having a relationship.

 

The bottom line seems to be that you need more attention than he can give you. Personally I don't see this relationship going anywhere and staying in it is on the verge of self-destructive.

 

I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but you deserve to be happy in your relationship and if you're not you need to find someone who will make you happy.

[Wulff]

Personally speaking, he has some personal issues and this is why he can only be open and loving while he is drunk. He dosen't like something about you...sorry. He is using you for sex, so it seems from here anyway. If he doesn't call for days and he knows this bothers you...he does it on purpose, knowing what it will do to you. One thing you should remember about people that drink. Most will get very loving, even if the feelings aren't real. In my opinion, you should break away and find someone that can give you the feelings you have in return. He will only hurt you more if it continues. If he acts the way you say, and you dought things the way you say, love isn't one of the feelings or emotions that you feel for one another, ask yourself how much time you are willing to put in this person before you deside you have had enough. Once you do break away, it is all wasted time.....so how much time do you want to waste. I'm no expert by any means and I have my own problems, but these are my words, thank you for you attention.

[Weeblie]

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

 

That one line you wrote reminds me so much of a relationship that I was in. We were dating for a couple of years. The first year was great, the second year was the opposite. I wanted to believe that things would go back to the way they were. They didn't.

 

I think that you're at a point where you have to ask yourself, do the good times outweigh the bad or is it the other way around? Is it worth sticking around with a guy who hasn't tried to make any changes? Personally, I think that just because the past was good doesn't mean that you should excuse any of his bad behaviors now.

[Blue Skittles]

Is this relationship even making you happy?

 

I dated an alcholic for 2 years and honestly it never got any better. I was experiencing the exact same things, the "he only loved me when he was drunk" and never had time or money or energy to show me any kind of love otherwise.

 

Its time for you to be the strong one. You don't need a relationship that is going to make you miserable. There is someone else out there that is going to make you sooo happy but how will he find you when you are with someone else.

[blondy24]

thanks for the advice......just wanted an outside perspective on things. its easy to say walk away but i guess when youve been with someone for such a long time and been through so much its hard to walk away. if it continues like this and nothing changes im leaving him. I have so much to offer someone and I cant keep staying with someone because we have a history together and things "used to" be good.

and its not that I want to see him everyday, or even every other day. more than once a week would be nice though and he never makes the effort anymore to come out my way. it used to be both of us taking turns to go see eachother and now its just me. the answer here is obvious I guess.