Is it energy or something else that makes a person attractive?

[RedPenguin]

I'm not actually having a problem, I am just curious what "spun the tables around" so to speak from me not having really any luck with women to appearing to have great luck.

 

See I have OCD and ADHD, was teased and picked on in school, and had depression for a while, so basically I usually had a "dead" look where I wasn't really fun to be around and didn't really enjoy anything. During these times I never really had a girl look at me or anything. I never got the girl I went for, only girls that I was not in to, and were the desperate types always wanted me. I for a while was way too nervous to even look at a girl, especially if I was attracted to her. I didn't want to "check girls out" due to feeling like a pervert or only wanting the girls for sex.

 

Then I got out of school, started to finally start getting out of my moods and for the most part was happy and cheerful all the time. I started to "check girls out" and letting them see me do it, and all the sudden, it was like the girls were smiling and flirting back. It seemed like I was starting to actually get the girls I wanted like when I was on the bus one time, two cute girls got on, and I really thought the one was pretty, so I started to check them out, and before I knew it, the one I wanted, smiled at me when I looked at her and they were both giggling and constantly looking at me. I started having girls just watch me as I went by and had a couple of girls that would stare at me, even one that every day in class would just look at me every change she got.

 

Now it seems that when I aim for a certain girl, it seems like now I normally get her attention and she starts to flirt. I normally get at least one reaction or more: giggling between girls, girls smiling at me, girls with extremely long stares.

 

I was not certain at first if it was just all in my head, because I tried to tell myself I can do this and to go ahead and flirt with the girls, and I know that sometimes when you tell yourself you can do something, eventually you can trick yourself sometimes into seeing stuff, like thinking a girl is smiling at you for example. I am not saying I doubted I was being smiled at, I just wasn't 100% positive what was going on, but then any time someone walked with me in public, they would always be like, "Do you know that girl, she smiled at you" or "They liked you", so I know it wasn't just me, that other people were noticing.

 

So what seems to have turned me from a zombie to someone who is flirted with now? Is it the fact of having tons of energy, smiling, and just always enjoying my self? I mean, it has to be something, because I have a fair amount of friends that are guys, and I noticed that the girls don't seem to ever act this way with them, they always seemed to be ignored by the girls, but I noticed they all seem to have the dead look, like they just do the same thing every day unlike me, who you can tell is adventurous.

[karvala]

So what seems to have turned me from a zombie to someone who is flirted with now? Is it the fact of having tons of energy, smiling, and just always enjoying my self?

 

In short, yes.

 

People are attracted to those that seem to represent the possibility of a better life, a better world, and individuals that are confident, happy and energetic are the ones who represent that world. Take a look around: it's the confident energetic folk (both guys and girls, but perhaps more strongly guys) that have people following them around, showing interest.

 

Well done for becoming one of them.

[EvaGina]

 

who wants a partner that slobs about all day, every day?!

You want someone who can take care of themselves, someone who will adventure with you, try new things, who will make a walk home when the car betteries run flat a fun thing, not dreary

[tatame22]

Hey, even for an energetic person, or someone who has a life, doesn't prevent someone from being dumped.

 

Heck, I was an energetic person, worked, had a life outside of my bf, had friends, do a lot for fun, etc. Still my bf dumped me.

 

An energetic personality does not keep one from being dumped. So, don't get your hopes up about that. I'm bitter.

[RedPenguin]

Oh so that is it. I was wondering what it was because like I said, it seemed like the minute I become an energetic person, smiling a lot, and stuff like that, it was like I was noticed all the time.

 

I have to laugh because so many people always say you need to have money to get women. I'm not saying, you 100% don't, but I don't have Donald Trump or Bill Gates money, and I am doing ok for myself.

 

At least now of I know why, I am always looked at and people are smiling around me while at the same time, my friends are always more looked at as boring.

 

One thing I noticed about having energy is though, at least for me, it seems like often if I am around a guy, guys seemed to get annoyed when I have a lot of energy, like they would rather me be dead, but yet, women seem to love it. The same thing seems to be for laughter also, it's like I can always get the ladies to laugh, but when I try to get guys to laugh, it's like they are dead and are annoyed or something. Maybe it's just the guys I know or something, who knows. Also one of the odd things I've noticed with many of the guys I know, they seem to hate to chase girls, even though they are of the age of chasing, 20. They seem to never care when I talk about girls, like I'm talking about stealing something from a store or something, it's like they ignore me. I guess that rumor, that teenagers and young adults adults always want women isn't necessarily true.

 

One odd thing I noticed also though is, even though I get girls looking at me a lot in person, giggling, and stuff, it seems like on MySpace or something, I normally seem to be ignored, even though I used to be always called such a nice guy and girls said we gotta hang out sometime. I would rather meet people in person, but I am just a little amazed that I am good in real life, but seem to suck online. LoL.

 

Also, it seems like confident men aren't the common, at least in my area, because like I said, most men I see, give me the feeling that they are depressed or something. It's like they never seem to have or want to have fun. Sometimes I think they are dead and have a look like they are deathly ill. Why are so many guys basically dead? Doesn't anyone ever seem to have fun anymore? I mean it's depressing sometimes just to look at other people I see, since they are so dead.

[Zackinlaw]

Sure.

 

Mopey, underconfident, scared rabbit men are not particularly attractive, even if their looks are decent. Now that you're past that, and your looks aren't a problem, you are reaching your romantic potential!!!

 

Way to go.

 

Zack.

[RedPenguin]

Yeah, I feel that I have energy in that sense also. I have many things in life that are important to me and I take them seriously. I have a defensive/protective nature, so I like to protect things, but not over protective like I want to beat everyone up or something.

 

You know, I musta got the flirting game down right or just somehow naturally became attractive because like I said, I've notice girls doing the craziest things when I am around. One time I will always remember because it was kinda funny was, I was at a shopping mall in a neighbooring county, and I ran into this girl, and I've never seen any other girl do this. She wouldn't take her eyes off me one bit, I believe she had her chin in her palm, with her head at an angle, and she just kept looking at me with this look like she was going to jump me and rip off all my clothes or something. She was looking at me so much, her mother (I think that was the older person with her), kept looking at me every now and then, with an expression on her face, like, what the heck is my daughter constantly looking at? Now I've always hear that when girls look at you, a guy will not normally notice, that they can look with you ever noticing, but the girls I have been around, seem to make it unbelieveable obvious, with constant stares and stuff, not even looking away when you look at them. When more then one girl is together, it really gets funny, they seem to get giggle attacks along with the stares and stuff.

 

 

Maybe I have some weird way of just turning girls into middle-school behaved girls or something. I normally only hear of girls doing that kinda stuff in school.

 

Anyway, thank you all for your replies, it kinda makes more sense as to what's happening to me lately. Funny though, how a person can go from not a woman in the world seeming to notice him to girls just seeming to flirt with him constantly and act goffy when he is around when all he really did was change things inside nothing physical at all.

[Leonhart]

I think you answered your own question.

 

It was what you were doing that made the difference. Energy or not, you were engaging them and they were reciprocating.

 

This is particularly fascinating to me, since I was like you too. I was much too shy, insecure or afraid to do anything with the ones I liked. I tended to ignore them, even though I was interested, and it got me nowhere. I too, felt it was somehow 'inappropriate' to check out pretty girls. Well, to hell with that way of thinking! I'll do it anyway, and see where it gets me!

 

Based on your story, all that's needed to change is this outlook of mine, and start engaging them more, and things should just fall into place. It sounds fiendishly simplisitic, but it might just work!

 

Personally, this post is a HUGE encouragement for me! And I hope it benefits others as well! God bless you.

[Allie.]

Yes!

 

I think 3/4 of the guys I ever dated liked me because I'm bubbly, and bursting with smiles, and ready to attack with hugs and kisses...

 

in fact, a psychological experiment actually showed that when even presented with a photo of another person smiling, your brain produces unnoticeable amounts of endorphins (horomones that make you feel happier)...its a subconscious process because there is such a little amount..but it does show something.

 

Being surrounded by cheerful people helps build up everyone's self-esteem and keeps everyone in a jolly ole mood.

[ghost69]

Yes!

 

I think 3/4 of the guys I ever dated liked me because I'm bubbly, and bursting with smiles, and ready to attack with hugs and kisses...

 

in fact, a psychological experiment actually showed that when even presented with a photo of another person smiling, your brain produces unnoticeable amounts of endorphins (horomones that make you feel happier)...its a subconscious process because there is such a little amount..but it does show something.

 

Being surrounded by cheerful people helps build up everyone's self-esteem and keeps everyone in a jolly ole mood.

 

i know it's not you that i'm seeing now because of the pic, but i'm seeing a girl just like this. she is bubbly, has a great time, etc.

[Allie.]

^^ hahaha...animation?

[ghost69]

^^ hahaha...animation?

 

animation?

[RedPenguin]

I have to laugh then, when it comes to flirting. It's like it can be so unpredictable. You can get the feeling that the person is not "feeling you" at all, when they really could be.

 

Today in class, I met this really cute girl, that I just went gaga over, and during class, I would occasionally look over at her, trying to get her attention, but even though it seemed like once in a while I got her attention, it seemed like she didn't really notice me, then after class, I went to the bookstore, and had to wait a little while until they sorted things out, and she walked in, and started talking to me, like, "Are you getting books for our class", and seemed to hint she wanted me to tell her where the books were. I didn't think too much, thinking maybe she was new to the college and wanted to make sure she got the right books, then even though our conversation had ended, the minute I left, she said really sweetly, "See you later." That really struck me because I never had a girl say that to me. Even girls that I knew for a while to see, never really ever said that, especially not one that I just met that day. Also, what amazed me, was she didn't say it right after I told her where the books were, it had to be at least 3 minutes after while I tried to get my books paid for, when normally, I would never get any other conversation after that, let alone how she sounded when she said it, like she was in an extremely happy mood. When I was checking her out, I didn't really get a smile but the pulling in of the top lip and appearing a tad nervous.

 

So what I learned from another post on this forum is that, you should never go purely by body language, because like I said, I didn't think I was getting anywhere at all with this girl, because it seemed like I was being ignored, then after, it was like, the tables turned, and she really seemed to notice me.

[IronHorse]

Are you ready?

 

Do you choose the red pill or the blue one? Sounds almost laughable doesn't it? Life isn't some movie or is it? Have you ever heard that art imitates life? Or that Life influences art?

 

Yes, there is an energy (If you want to call it that). But it isn't so much of a thing outside of yourself but instead it resides from within... To use a metaphor from our current times, Neo, couldn't defeat the matrix let alone understand it until he understood himself. Or lets use a little older metaphor for you old school chums. Luke, had to realise the true power of the force comes from within.

 

Don't looks so much for that mysterious energy in other people, that's what most of the world does. The reality is it exsist in each one of us but few tap into it's foutain. Then there are those who come to understand the reality but can't seem to cross over that threshold. If you wish to truly change things then change yourself. You must be willing to abandon the old path and accept a new one.

 

Here's some tips to get you started:

 

When you enter a place/room, You are the rock star, you are the poet, you are the statesman, you are the reason everyone has came...

 

Always be the first to greet... Just a nod can sometimes be all that is required.

 

Always share your time with anyone no matter what thier looks, finicial situation, etc,. Pass no judgement...

 

Be willing and able to say the word "No". People can't respect anyone that sets on the fence. Take a stand but be polite to other's beliefs and you will be rewarded.

 

If you do these things then a window will have opened to you.

[Luke Skywalker]

How did you get that 'energy' again? What helped you get out of your moods? All you mentioned was you moods left when you got out of school....tell me more, I would like to get more energy too - what did you do that helped that?

[EvaGina]

I would like to make an important point tho.

Energy isnt always good... being the annoying guy in everyones faces and bouncing off the wall is NOT a good thing

 

a happy medium is needed

[IronHorse]

I would like to make an important point tho.

Energy isnt always good... being the annoying guy in everyones faces and bouncing off the wall is NOT a good thing

 

a happy medium is needed

 

No, it isn't always good! There is a darker side that must be kept in check always...

 

But for some one just starting down the path they have a long way to go before that evil serpent rears it's ugly head...

 

1. The realization something isn't working

2. The acceptance of change is needed

3. The path to enlightment

4. The observed changes

5. The projection of the change

6. the building of character/charisma

7. The break through

8. The developing Presense

9. The Battle (Darker side tries to take over)

10. The redemption or downfall

[Leonhart]

I would like to make an important point tho.

Energy isnt always good... being the annoying guy in everyones faces and bouncing off the wall is NOT a good thing

 

a happy medium is needed

 

Being yourself is important.

 

If that's who you are, don't change. If that's not, then don't.

 

Even if some don't like you, there are others who will. I'd never change for someone else.

[ycmanvs]

Over the past 20 years I have learned how to turn that energy on and off, to the point that people think I have more than one personality. It is funny because I am still the same person, yet I can project certain feelings in the people around me. If I look sad, serious or shy, no one talks to me. If I look serene, happy or confident, everyone wants to talk to me.

This knowledge comes from years of working in the service industry, experience with various types of personalities, working in mental health, etc.

[sparkly]

a man who is mysterious attracts me

[RedPenguin]

I just got so sick and tired of hiding from people like I did in school and worrying about what people thought of me and started to say, the hell with it, I'm not a bad person, and I ca do stuff, like have a girlfriend and I don't have to live to other peoples expectations, especially people who have no relation or control over me at all, except that control I think they have over me. I don't have the annoying energy as much, at least not in public, I try to be happy but behaved at the same. I am a jokester and make people laugh all the time.

[RedPenguin]

Over the past 20 years I have learned how to turn that energy on and off, to the point that people think I have more than one personality. It is funny because I am still the same person, yet I can project certain feelings in the people around me. If I look sad, serious or shy, no one talks to me. If I look serene, happy or confident, everyone wants to talk to me.

This knowledge comes from years of working in the service industry, experience with various types of personalities, working in mental health, etc.

 

I agree with your post, ycmanvs, because when I was always looking serious and shy, it was rare for anyone, let alone girls, to ever smile around me or ever really talk to me. Now that I am somewhat silly and checking out girls and just having fun, I finally notice girls actually checking me out and smiling and am starting to actually have some girls talk to me, which is extremely rare for me, because girls even guys never really talked to me before unless I said something to them and I defiantly never had girls I liked before talk to me like I've been have a little bit of lately.