After 2 months, she makes contact, apologizes, asks me to dinner....

[tray25]

Bizzarre events. She probably got rid of the rebound guy. Now she is contacting me via text. She has apologized for hurting me like seven times but is using the word friend. She has now asked me to call her if I want to go to dinner or something sometime. I haven't replied back. I don't know what the hell to do? I have made it clear that I have moved on but that I am not an ass to her, I take her texts and reply, but I am very formal. I don't want to get hurt again. I still love her, but I don't know if it would ever be the same. Since she dated or got rid of me for another guy. I believe in second chances, but I don't know if I can do it. She wants to be friends, but I know if I move on and date other girls, she is going to want something more. She uses the word friends, as long as she does that, I know I am safe cause I don't have to commit. Its funny cause she was doing this to me a while back, now I don't want a relationship...

[Zackinlaw]

Why be a friend with someone who dumped you for another guy??

 

You've moved on, congratulations!!! She may be less than honest about just wanting to be friends ... what then??? Get hurt for the eighth time??? And hurt your new girlfriend in the process???

 

If I were you, I would thank my lucky stars that I have a better girlfriend now, and you shouldn't flirt with blowing that!!!! The fact that you still have feelings for your ex makes it all the more important for you to totally blow her off!!!

 

Good luck.

 

Zack.

[terk2021]

tray,

 

1st off, congratulations on being able to move forward. Personally, I have never really been friends with exes... To me, relationships end for a reason. You mention that you still love her. Love is a very powerful emotion, and sometimes it can take control over any rational thought, or what your mind is telling you. I let someone back into my life a short time after we broke up, and all of the emotions came back and losing her a 2nd and 3rd time was just that much harder.

 

If life is good for you right now, keep moving forward... I guess the main question is, do you want to be friends with her? If it is love, than that will last for so long, and you might find yourself back in the same position you were just a few months before. There is really no right or wrong answer. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you. Don't let her words do the talking, look at her actions.

 

Good luck

 

Terk

[Coyote9]

I have to agree with Zach here tray, much as I know part of you hoped for this sort of situation, the fact is this woman has not changed and you'd be temporarily feeling better and hopeful, only to have her again pull back and then you'd be in the same place but worse....you know my story and know that's what happened to me 4 times in 6 months. And texting? Come on girl, that's cowardly in my book. Like the note on my kitchen counter!!! Do you think you've moved on enough to just ignore her? Why even respond if you've decided to not let her back in the door. You of course can do what you want, but in my experience (weak and pathetic as I became), I think you'll regret it. If you feel nothing for her, then a friendship is possible....but why even then given that there are other women out there that would love to date a guy like you. Keep us posted...

Coyote

[Coyote9]

Before you make any decisions, go back and read your old posts here when you didn't realize she was sneaking around behind your back and so on....you were so angry and that anger is what has helped you get your objectivity back and has helped you heal fast (faster than I am I think)...the stuff you wrote is good stuff and that's what your truth is now I think....don't get all warm and fuzzy on me now dude!

[servedcold]

Bizzarre events. She probably got rid of the rebound guy.

 

Hey tray, sorry for the confusion you are getting from this one. Remember your words in other posts about being a challenge as you make your decision. Also, if it were me, I wouldn't even break NC until I got a call or at least email, never a text, saying definitively that she has left the other guy, that is was her decision, not his, and that she thinks she made a horrible mistake in her treatment of you and is so sorry. Even then, I wouldn't take mine back, but would at least respond with a bland acceptance of the apology.

 

Until she tells you she has left the other guy, and it was her choice, what do you really know about her intentions? What if they had their first fight, and she is trying to use you to make him jealous. I have had the tables turned on me this way in the past after breakups and it really hurts to find out you are being played as the "other guy" v a guy who took your GF. Best wishes.

[zeino]

Come on Tray, of course she will use the word friend. It requires a special psycho strand to appear out of the blue and say "Hello sunshine"

 

I also get the feeling (I may be very wrong here, so my apologies in advance) that you are shifting too easily from the "she says friend" tone to the "second chance" one. Maybe you need a bit more time away from this lady.

 

Do not feel obliged to act upon anything she says or does. Follow your own pace and feelings. If she really wants you as a friend or a BF, she first has to respect your choices. If you ask for some time without her and if she decides to fill the void in her life with whoever is available, then she is contacting you out of her own selfishness.

 

My female perspective on the matter is:

1. She does not want to be your friend. Timing of building a friendship does not necessarily coincide with "I've finished with my boyfriend" time, which is very personal. Did they have the guts to invite you over to dinner as a friend? Then why now? Would she come to dinner with you and your girlfriend and be genuinely nice to your new girlfriend or would she still assume she is more special than "that new one"?

 

2. I do not think she has finished with him at all. Maybe, she is investing for the future. Otherwise, in all text messages, she would manage to tell you somehow, so you would not have to use "probably" on your post.

 

3. please remember that no commitment with an ex is different from no commitment with a new person. In the former one, it's really easy to fall back into the old pattern or expectations before you know it.

 

I think you are doing great, please carry on.

 

Zeino

[tray25]

Thanks guys,

 

I don't have a girlfriend right now and she thinks that I don't know about the other guy. Or pretends to think I don't. I told her last night. "Listen, I really cannot text back and forth like this, you are texting me more than the girl I am seeing" (I am seeing someone but its very fresh and she is not my girlfriend). Then I called her and said "listen, stop the texts, if you want to hang out, call me and let me know when. If I am not busy and not doing anything, I will join you for lunch or something. What are you the texting queen? You can call me, Im not going to bite." She didn't like this much, but hey, if she wants to hang, she can call like a normal person.

[Coyote9]

I know this is hard, but it must feel pretty good to get some of your power back here....stay the course!

[bar35]

Listen to everyone here...if you can, otherwise go down the road that so many of us have gone down which is repeat pain, suffering and delusion.

 

Tell her to get stuffed from all at ENA! ;-)

 

Ok, its cool to feel the rush that the ex can bring on but really dude, she left you for another guy? Give it another six months before she gets the privilege of getting to see you again, and then if you feel like you want to see her in 6 months do it. I have been suckered in by hot chicks more times than I would care to comment on, and each time it just sucked.

 

What could she possibly be bringing to the table to make up for the fact that she betrayed and abandoned you? I mean really...what?

[beauty21]

What's the point of seeing her. All of those old feelings are going to arise and then you'll probably end up in bed together or something. Then you'd wish a year later that you stayed away. I say if you've moved on keep it going, never go back, tell her to get lost.

[Coyote9]

I say if you've moved on keep it going, never go back, tell her to get lost.

 

We should all have this sentence displayed proudly by our phones and computers for that fateful day when we all get that unsolicited e-mail, text or message tempting us back. I only wish I had known this before the last 6 months and 5 breakups of my last relationship. thanks for the powerful and clear words of advice here beauty21...

coyote