CrapAtNC Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 What's with that?! When we have broken NC, she is very relaxed and chatty on the phone or MSN, but when I see her in person (even immediately after chatting online or by phone), she turns cold. Not mean, just unresponsive. Cold. Why? Why? And, yeah, I know I should be going NC all the way, and that starts tomorrow (I have to give her some meds for her cat - just in the mailbox, but need to text that I've done it). NC shall commence, but I'm still intrigued ... Link to comment
reasonablegirl Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Because she does not want to be in a relationship with you and your actions when you are around her make her believe that you want more than just friendship. thereforeeee, she is cold because she doesn't want to give you the wrong impression and make you think you have a chance. Unless you are okay with just being friends with this woman, you need to get the h*ll away from her because it is just going to keep causing you pain. Why do you need to text her about the meds? Doesn't she check her mail? Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 13, 2007 Author Share Posted June 13, 2007 Both good responses - thank you. I'd like to think that dunzo is right and that conflicting feelings are there ... and of course that NC is the only way to go. reasonablegirl, at first I was going to disagree with you, but actually I think you're right. While I like to think that my actions when we're together don't tell her I want to be with her again, I think the very fact that I'm there when she needs me does indeed send that message. But I really think it wouldn't be a wrong impression if she made me feel I had a chance - other actions from her tell me otherwise. But it doesn't matter anyway. NC it is then. Meds in the mailbox (hope they don't deteriorate in the heat). Link to comment
reasonablegirl Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 She can always get more meds if they spoil and, heaven forbid, maybe even have to do it herself and not rely on you! Perhaps if her knight in shining armor (you) is not there at her beck and call for a bit, she might start to appreciate you being in her life and realize that you mean more to her than she thought. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 13, 2007 Author Share Posted June 13, 2007 She can always get more meds if they spoil and, heaven forbid, maybe even have to do it herself and not rely on you! Perhaps if her knight in shining armor (you) is not there at her beck and call for a bit, she might start to appreciate you being in her life and realize that you mean more to her than she thought. You're right. Hopefully I haven't screwed up too bad ... the knight in shining armour stuff is a good way for her to remember me now NC has commenced, perhaps. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Sometimes it's easier to be happy when you don't see the person - it's easier to pretend to be upbeat, positive and easy going on MSN, and even by phone; but the reality of them can be harder to cope with. I wonder if that is why she is cold? Because she actually did have strong feelings for you, and it's not easy to turn that off. I think it will do you both good to have that distance from each other, and it will allow you to heal and to realise what it is you both actually feel. Whereas MSN and phone calls can mask that, giving you contact but not meaningful contact - I think it's harder to deal with, myself, whereas not seeing an ex is painful, but it gives you the time and space to heal and move forward. Good luck. Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Thank you for the feedback, Honey Pumpkin. I want to believe that she still has feelings for me, and there is much to say that she does, but I mustn't act as though that is the case, right? I have to show that I can accept her decision and move on. I've started NC, but I will be replying to any messages from her, though my responses will be upbeat and won't discuss the relationship, and I'll keep them short and sweet. I'll also not be responding right away. I'm hoping that, as you said, not allowing her to hide behind the barriers of MSN and texting will force her to show her true self, whatever that will be. Thanks again for the thoughts. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Hey there.. I believe we allow ourselves to tolerate people based on their pasts. What I mean is...when you FIRST met them...things were "great"... Now the honeymoon is over and you see them for who they really are... It's up to you to determine if you are willing to put up with such behavior... Not them... -SuperDave71 Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 Interesting you should mention that, SuperDave71; I've been thinking similar thoughts myself. One of the benefits of being dumped and then stupidly doing everything you can to win them back is that you get to see them at their worst - their very cruelest. It hasn't been so bad with her, though I do make allowances for the fact that she seems depressed by the whole situation, but I am starting to see some things that I would now need some kind of guarantee would not be showing up again if we were to get back together. I didn't think I would be able to say this so soon, but I now think that, if she does want to get back together, I will have a few provisos - some behaviours that I really will not accept. It's only been one day of NC, and already I'm feeling more confident. Thanks for the input! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 When someone treats you badly and you do nothing....NOTHING is solved and they assume this is acceptable behavior. NO WAY!! Make a stand.....!!!! Either leave them be and leave....tell them "I don't appreciate your tone with me" or simply never talk to them again...The world is fillied with positive people..don't settle for ONE that treats you badly.. Move on and learn from it!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
CrapAtNC Posted June 14, 2007 Author Share Posted June 14, 2007 I'm listening. It's actually one of the main reasons NC is a little easier for me than I thought it would be. Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted June 14, 2007 Share Posted June 14, 2007 Don't be a punching bag for someone else's misery !!! You be you!!! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
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