Getting past the bitterness

[bird]

My partner of five years left me a year ago for another woman. It was for the best, really, and I am doing pretty well: I've lost weight, gotten more social, and generally feel healthier and happier.

 

The thing is, it drives me nuts that my ex is still with this woman. I can't stop obsessing over their relationship, wondering why her and not me, etc. I'm worried that I'm becoming bitter and angry and jealous, when really this should all be behind me by now.

 

I imagine once I'm in another relationship, what they do won't matter so much. But what do I do until then? How do I let go? How do I rid myself of the negative feelings? Where do I find forgiveness?

 

I don't want them in my head anymore!

[Hope75]

Hey,

 

It sounds like you are doing pretty well, you just have to exorcise your ex!

 

Why not try a conscious activity. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and every time you catch yourself thinking of the ex and the new girl, snap the rubber band and tell yourself "stop!".

 

You may never understand what motivated your ex to leave, and whether the ex and the new girl last long term remains to be seen, but the sooner you get out of the mindset of wondering what they are doing and start focusing 100% on yourself, the better you will be.

 

Have you started dating yet?

[bird]

Love the rubberband idea! And yes, I definitely need to start dating again.

[thelonelydoll]

bird - I was completely consumed with bitterness 3 months ago, and it not only didn't feel good, I looked at myself in the mirror one day and realized the constant scowl on my face had aged me. I didn't like that one bit!

 

I didn't have any friends where I was living then, the winter weather wouldn't let up, I didn't have much work coming in. I didn't really feel like I was doing anything to improve myself, i.e. I didn't at that time start a new workout regimen or pick up a new hobby. But I vented on here, implemented NC, and started putting plans into place to move on May 1st - into the house of a friend who recently split up after 11 years, when my last relationship hadn't made it eleven months. I also knew I would do better with the improved weather, and I always get good work in summertime....

 

Without even making any concerted effort, really, I started to see all the great things about me again, and fell in love with myself all over again. So I could find forgiveness - towards myself first and foremost, and then towards the ex. The intense bitterness subsided.

 

So: be your own best friend, remember who you are and what makes you worthy of love, lean on friends, enjoy your new social life, and the negative feelings will leave you. Forgiveness can only come from within - you'll find it.