Ex-Wife inappropiate talks with husband

[2today]

How do you handle an ex-wife who deliberately has conversations with him that have nothing to do with the children. Like for example, she has called after she talks about the kids and then brings up discussed one-night stands, pregnancy, old classmates, relationship questions. She has even tried to get her in her home, buy telling him about his child's game room. I think she has always been jealous and never moved on. She trys to make him jealous and me at the same time.

 

He ignores her and I have told her that she is disrespecting me and us. She told me I was insecure. I told her insecurity is not a question, but her inappropiate conversation was. I hate when its time for him yo pick up or drop off kids, it turns into a drama show.

 

Any suggestions?

[SilverManic]

unfortunately this happens a lot with couples. My Sister in Law at one stage told her ex to not call unless it's to do with the kids. Eventually they came to an agreement. It is difficult but unfortunately you need to leave it up to your husband. Maybe it's best if he picks up and drops off the kids? I don't know the situation. I hope she butts out soon!

[Beec]

I think your gripe needs to be with him, not her. You need to deal with him handling things better, if possible.

 

But at the same time, if he rejects her, her continuing to push him on things of that nature is doing nothing but driving him from ever wanting her. The effects on him might be good, not bad.

[shes2smart]

Handling his ex-spouse is his job, not yours. By telling her that she's disrespecting you, you let her know she's getting under your skin...big mistake. Because if that was what she was after, she KNOWS she's getting to you.

 

My dealings with my husband's ex-spouse have been next to zero, and I refused to get sucked in. I made one attempt to be friendly to her and she was having none of that, so from that point forward, I don't deal with her directly. If I'd happen to answer the phone when she called, I treated her like I would a stranger -- polite, civil but very distant.

 

Keep giving her a reaction, and she'll keep it up because she knows it's bothering you.

[Hope75]

I agree with others that your complaint is with him, not her. If she goes off and begins to talk about inappropriate things it's his job to redirect her and tell her that is not up for discussion- it's about the kids and nothing else. A few nips in the bud like this from your husband and she should get the hint.

 

Have you tried talking to your husband about this?

[Sparkle]

I also agree with the others here.

This is something that only your husband can handle.

 

I understand your frustrations as I am in a similar position.

My partners conversations with his ex have caused untold huge problems in the past. Recent no contact made life easier on everyone for a while as the children are old enough to speak for themselves as such.

 

Recently the situation has changed somewhat and the conversations have started again, and whilst I am all in favour of good relations between parents, (which after a couple of years of ups, downs and some bitterness, I hoped that leaving the bitterness behind was the reason and case for this) again, some inappropriate comments and conversations which are non-children related have sprung up again.

 

Unfortunately, it does take two to have a conversation, and having been told of the comments made, I had to wonder how the conversation came about and it really comes down to both people choosing to embark on the topics or not allowing the conversation to move away from the reason for contact (the kids).

 

You say your husband ignores her?

Do you mean he puts the phone down or similar as soon as she starts discussing anything other than the kids?

 

Are you sure that some of your frustration isnt about the way that he handles the conversations as well?

 

There are many fine lines in this sort of situation.

What sort of ways is he trying to stop these conversations from happening?

[2today]

I have asked him to make a comment to her, so that she knows that conversation is not about the kids. He will either ignore her or say well I will talk to you guys later when she starts talking about herself. She has a way of talking about their children and then getting off the subject as though he is the only one she can confide in. For example, if he says well I am cooking breakfast and we are getting ready to eat. If he cuts her off or hangs up when she gets irate, she will not let the kids call. She will turn it around, and Oh I remember when you use to cook whatever. Another example, a relative died, and she calls saying how sad she was and how the kids were helping her feel better. Or if he says he is tired, then her quick repsonse is you can come over my house for rest.

 

I am more frustrated at how she responds to him when he brushes her off and she still does it over and over again. He lets me hear it sometimes and she goes on and on. He just needs to say "your conversation not about the kids" With her personality I am sure she does not have many people to talk to others than her boyfriends.

 

I really do not want her calling my house at all. They are old enough to call themselves. I have told him this before. If she is mad at him for child support problems or if he does not give advice she wants to hear about the kids, then she will not let them call. When they do call she speaks first, last, and the longest most of the time. So I do not see a purpose for the call?

 

I am through trying to be nice to her. If she calls I just hand over the phone. After several years of her drama, I don't care to help him with the kids or problems with her. I have one of my own. I will be glad when they are almost grown or grown, because at that point, I will have to take over, and say stop

calling my house, your kids are grown, they or their spouse can call but not you.

[Hope75]

Well, they are co-parents so they need to be able to talk to each other about the kids, even if the kids are old enough to talk themselves, it's still important that the parents communicate about them re: school, behaviour, other issues.

 

If she is using the children as a pawn and not letting them call when they should be able to then it needs to be discussed with his custody lawyer. Or he can call the kids himself and if she refuses to allow him to talk to them he should contact his lawyer. She may be keeping it up because he has allowed her to get away with it and manipulate him for so long.