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Brothers Wife


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I am struggling to find out the right thing to do for my brother. His wife treats him like crap. They got married because they had a kid. I think that was horrible. My brother is very unhappy right now. His wife doesn't trust him at all. When I call she asks who is this on the phone. My brother can't talk to anyone,not even his close cousin who is like his brother. He hasn't talked to him in 4 months. He can't go out with us and have a drink because his wife will have a fit. He can't do anything without her. Then she is making him pay for her school debts. He is working nonstop to pay for all these debts. He is working so hard that he is only eating once a day and loosing weight. I am and my family is fed up with her and I don't know what to do about it. I know it isn't any of my business, but now my brothers health is at stake. I am very concerned. Someone has to say something.

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Well, you need to say something to him, and he needs to be prepared for a fight, a long one.

 

Whatever she does to influence him now, he would need to steel himself from. if she yells, he needs to know she will and be ready and not be influenced by it. Whatever she does, he needs to not be influenced by it.

 

Or, things will continue.

 

If you call, he can tell her a family member. When she wants to know which one, he can say, why would it matter? And the fight is on. He needs to withstand her.

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How do you know your brother is not happy? Has your brother complained to you or said he is unhappy with the way things are or is this your own personal observation?

 

If your brother has expressed how miserable he is with her controlling behavior then you have every reason to say something..but if this is only from your own personal observation..i think the best thing would be to not offer your opinion and let him work it through on his own.

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I can see both sides - he may have "signed up" but I doubt he is happy.

 

If I were you, I would honestly get him the "Dating Dictionary" by Doc Love on eBay ($50 or so) and give it to him at work. Tell him he really needs to read it, and read it twice.

 

Don't be surprised if he divorces her shortly thereafter, that's what I did to my ex-wife after I read that book.

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I think you need to talk to him about this. Don't attack or make him defensive- but approach it from the standpoint of someone who cares very much for him and who sees the toll this is taking on him.

 

Unfortunately....it ultimately boils down to what Dako mentioned:

 

Your brother signed up for this, and he chose her.

If it's not what he wants, he has to deal with it.

 

Unless HE truly is fed up and wants to get out of the situation- there's not much you can do. You can try to be supportive of him and open his eyes to the situation- but you have to be careful too. -You risk stressing him out more and he may push you away if he gets defensive.

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