The Mask Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Hi ya people! It's been ages since I've been here,how yall are doing? I had a preaty tough story if someone remembers... Anyways I've been dating this girl,we broke up,almost 2 years of living hell,tryied suicide and blah blah blah.. We've been on strict NC for more than an year when all of the sudden she contacted me,we started talking,hang out alot for about a month (she lives about an hour and a half on a 2 buses from me) then one night I was at her place,we got preatty intimate and I kissed her,then we stopped and I asked her if she is willing to give another chance so she said yes,we've been dating for more than a month and now heres my problem: She told me alot of times before that she fells nothing for me,she loves me only as a friend..Or a big brother..Or whatever... So I'm trying my very best to work things between us,but she never kisses me,never hugs me,never hold hands with me I'm the one who needs to do this kind of things..And it's painfull for me..I can't let her go,I can't forget her..So..I'm trying to do everything for her to make her feel different about me (more of a friend) Do you have any suggestions? Off cource we can't make someone to love us but I'm willing to go against the laws of nature and try to make it work.. Ps. Please don't tell me that shes not right for me or I should move on and forget about her and so on...Please,if you don't have any suggestions or ideas for me to work it with her then don't reply here,please..Most of my friends know that I tend to do things that...Are not "possible" or "normal"...So I guess that's what I'm doing right now,trying to win her love.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papalazarou Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Im sorry mate but you cant make somebody be attracted to you. All I can do is wish you luck and eventually you will see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorba Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Ps. Please don't tell me that shes not right for me or I should move on and forget about her and so on...Please,if you don't have any suggestions or ideas for me to work it with her then don't reply here,please..Most of my friends know that I tend to do things that...Are not "possible" or "normal"...So I guess that's what I'm doing right now,trying to win her love.. I hate to say it but I agree with papalazarou on this one. You can't make someone attracted to you. All yo can do is make yourself more attractive, make yourself the way you were when she first met you. Better even. If you work on you, she may see that and fall for you. If not, at least you will be a better you. The kind of you that's attractive to another. You had a long time of NC which was good. What isn't good is that it sounds like you didn't let her go and work on yourself and what the future certainly holds for you if you let her go. The fact that you write quite clearly that you don't want good advice that will help YOU to find you, is a sure sign that any relationship with this woman is doomed. Sorry to be harsh, but there you go. You are her emotional fall back. She is using you. If she wasn't she wouldn't have said we should try again and then not act like a girlfriend with you. She is saying one thing and doing quite another. That should be enough evidence for you. If you act like an emotional doormat, you will be treated like one. Maybe I'm wrong here, but basically women want a man. A man sensitive to their needs certainly, but a strong man who knows what he wants and will not take second best. If you're willing to just have her "friendship", to be the fallback on her terms, how does this honestly make you more attractive? If you continue in this I suspect strongly you will be sitting there "helping" her and waiting for her to come back to you, right up to the inevitable moment when she finds someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mask Posted June 4, 2007 Author Share Posted June 4, 2007 No,I refuse to give up. Maybe I should be less sensetive to her? You see,shes the only one I'll do anything agree on almost everything she says..Maybe be I'll just act the way I'm acting to everyone,like you know,say what ever I like,do whatever I like and not be "there" for her every time.. I believe a man can do anything he wishes.And I DO believe that were going to make it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 you've got to stop jumping through hoops for this girl. it takes two to make a relationship work, if she doesn't have any emotional investment in you then it will never work out and the more you try and 'win her love' the more its going to push her away as ur come accross as desperate and a push over. Change ur attitude. If she isn't making the effort why should you? I would say yes be less sensitive to her, be ur own man and not worry about what she thinks. stop trying to hold her hand etc and let her initiate it for once and if things don't improve then just end it. dont stay in a loveless relationship it will kill ur self esteem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biffy Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 And I DO believe that were going to make it. Sorry to be blunt but you won't. In your first post you made it very clear that you don't want anyone telling you that this isn't going to work out and that you should let her go. I think you don't want to hear it because you know it's true. You're quite right with what you're saying about being you being yourself, saying whatever you want etc but you should be doing that anyway, not to "make her think twice" The fact remains and you said it yourself, she sees you as a friend. That's clearly not going to change, I imagine she's feeling a bit lonely at the moment and she is perhaps using you to make herself feel better. Let this one go, seriously, this isn't going to go anywhere. Save yourself future heartache by walking away from this one because she will certainly walk away once she meets someone she is genuinely into... not as a friend. I know you won't be wanting to hear any of this so I'll also give advice based on the assumption that you're going to ignore this and carry on pursuing her. Here's what you do, find a wall (preferably a nice flat one) and smack your head against it. Repeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorba Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 No,I refuse to give up.If you don't you will never get her back. More to the point you will never get yourself back. Maybe I should be less sensetive to her?Then you are only playing games. She will see that and it will do you no good. You see,shes the only one I'll do anything agree on almost everything she says..Then your back to doormat time. That's not healthy. Maybe be I'll just act the way I'm acting to everyone,like you know,say what ever I like,do whatever I like and not be "there" for her every time..Again you're game playing. I believe a man can do anything he wishes.Yes and no. Jump out of an aeroplane without a parachute and see how far you get with flapping your arms. A man can do anything he wishes, but only for himself. he cannot make someone else do something they don't want to do. And I DO believe that were going to make it.Give up on that hope for the moment, work on yourself and that may come true. If you don't, I'm sorry it won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
papalazarou Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 I would LOVE to hear Frisco's take on this one.... In fact he would only echo Zombian and Zorba... I like this Here's what you do, find a wall (preferably a nice flat one) and smack your head against it. Repeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy5128 Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 Hi Mask Well I commend you for trying mate.. I would pull back a little and let her take the lead and build it from there if it's really what you want to do. As with the others though mate I kinda agree you may be taken for a ride here and I kinda agree with the house brick, face, smash them together thing and it might be less painfull in the long run..! Do what you feel right, try to use your head more so than your heart where poss. We are just concerned for your well being not trying to be negative. You know what to do for the best so in the words of Nike "Just DO It".. Hope it works out.. Andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yourcenar Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 i do agree with others, although i believe they've been a bit too harsh i think right now you are slightly obsessed with her and are idealising her, because you are aware that she's slipping away and can't be fully yours. the only way to get her back 'for real' is to act happy and confident and let her do most of the initiative. be a challenge. make sure you have some fun and interesting stories to share with her, but do not tell her that you love her, or anything of this kind. it will surely push her away. just do not jump at every opportunity, and try to be patient and positive. you have let your emotions take complete control of you, and that's usually a recipe for disaster (i know that because i have been in the same situations). i think it's not to late, but the outcome depends on you and your behavior. i wish i had been aware of these things before my breakup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.