Alone Now

MW: I have been corresponding with someone on ENA and we were talking about my favorite band so I decided to pull out all the old CD and take listen. What I found is that none of the songs, not a single one, made me think of you. Not even the one song that you liked so much. Every one of the songs made me think of GF, all of them. You once said that I place too much emphasis on music and I suppose you never thought about it beyond the music itself. Did you ever wonder what the writers who penned those songs, this band in particular, were writing about? What they were going through? Who they were writing these soulful ballads to? No, not once. But I think about it all the time. Were they happy? Were they sad? Were they writing a love letter the only way they knew how? Your "love letters" to me were self-serving, looking for the hook-up, they weren't meant for me, they were meant to get me. And what of the people that the songs were written to. Did they understand the genius that was pouring out? Did they even give a damn about it? Did they touch the recipients heart as they were intended? Granted, some of the songs are not romantic and some of the songs are meant to sell records. What record were you trying to make MW? Was I just a muse to you to get what you wanted from me or, like the artists who wrote these songs, were they from the heart and filled with passion and desire and dedication? And what became of those songs to the people to whom they were intended? Did it have an impact on their lives? Your impact on my life will forever be present and I can't help that. But even still, you played me and I'm so afraid that you will continue to play me. NG seems the same way you do. He can take music on a superficial level but clearly doesn't feel the music and the words. I will attempt to play some this bands music for him when he and I are driving this weekend because I will see him; as a diversion from feeling anything for you. And I know that he will say that he likes the band but I know he doesn't feel the words. That's a shame when I think about it. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your perspective, I need music like I need air to breathe. Unfortunately I need you in the same way. Why did I push GF away so many times? He feels the music, he feels and digests the words. He gets it. Why was I so blind to his sweet and quirky ways for so long? Did I set our friendship in concrete with no way to take it to the next level? Did I keep him safe because I was so afraid of this musical connection which would lead to something even greater? I'm listening to a song called Thank You For The Love from the bands album Another Mother Further. "Thank you for the love, thank you for the heartache, thank you for the tears I cry, thank you for all the lies." It speaks the truth that I feel for you MW. How could they have known that it would?

I was up all night writing to someone else on enot and I discovered that you are part of my life. I wish you weren't of course, but like a cancer. Will I ever get over you? I doubt it because you have a certain appeal that is very wonderful to me, like the bad boy who couldn't be caught. Will I end the new guy? Yes, because I need to focus on me and my child. GF? He is my one constant. He is strong and supportive and loving. You know, all the things that you are not!

This is wonderful!

Maybe find something fun to do with someone else? Celebrate Day 15 without thinking of anyone?

I miss him desperately right now. He was my rock and he was going to give me the world as he used to put it. Now he is being married again. I feel so used by him because I get the feeling I was just someone who he could toy with when things weren't going well in his marriage. I feel used and hurt and that all the love I offered him was just to amuse him. Is this what new guy is to me? Just entertainment while I work through MW? Why did I even think about dating the new guy so soon? It is turning into a tragic mistake because my GF has stepped back and I know he is waiting in the wings for the bottom to fall out of the new guy. It may be a week or several months, but I know that he will be there for me. That's what best friends do for each other and the weird thing is, I am confident that GF will actually just let me cry on his shoulder as I often have. He will be strong and show up with breakfast from the dive up the street from my apartment. He will knock on the door and go directly to the dining room and set out the bacon and eggs like he once did before. I am such a fool for getting close to the new guy. It is just too soon!

Totally agree! Even with a new guy in the picture, I find it is hard to forget about him. He owns a piece of my heart and with that I feel like I am using the new guy which was never an intent. Amandacast57 - Stay strong and enjoy your day!

It has been a long night. Gratefully I only have one class to teach.

I would absolutely agree with you ITIC but it just seems like I was ready to date a new guy and now I am wondering if it was the right thing to do and now I see that the attention paid to me was a lack of my own self esteem. It was the worst thing I could have done and while the kiss was wanted, in retrospect it was terribly wrong. Another ecan'er said that it would possibly drive me back to MW, but I don't think it is case. But I think I went too fast. It was only a month since the on-again off-again relationship with MW ended. My fear is that I am following a path of having to be with someone because it seems secure and I don't have to be alone. It has been a long night of talking to myself and trying to not cry. I wanted to call GF but he knew I was on a date. It might not bothered him but it bothers me. Why did I make the choice to go out with a new guy so soon? I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I am just confused as to why when men pay attention to me, I get entirely caught up in it and follow the path of wanting to learn more about the new guy and why did I convince myself that I liked the guy when in reality it was only the attention paid to me?

I can't sleep. I feel like I have used the new guy to make me try and completely forget MW. It didn't work I swore I was over MW and I don't think I am after reading other posts here. I don't want anything to do with MW, this is quite true. But I think I slipped backwards by rushing into a new thing with a new guy. I wish I had taken my own advice and not gone out with the new guy. I should have stayed at home and chatted with GF. At least with GF I know what I am getting. Am I so shallow that I need to have some one new so quickly? Was the attention paid to me that intoxicating? I feel like I have made a major mistake. I SHOULD HAVE NOT GONE OUT WITH THE NEW GUY! What a fool I am.

Because like most of us on enot you aren't completely over him. It is an interesting thing that we all claim to be healing but we also keep checking our friends facebook and thinking about inviting them out to dinner or a show or something that we would consider interaction. Even if we don't invite their interaction, the thought that we are engaged in thinking about asking them is a strong indicator that none of us are over our ex's. Worst thing I did pw was to go out on a date with a new guy last night. It was entirely too early and even though I appreciated the attention that I recieved from him, I knew in my heart that it was way too soon. My brain said it would be a great distraction and help me to move on and it did the exact opposite though I would have denied it while I was on the date.

I know I am singing the same song, but I would beg you to reconsider starting with new guy for a couple of months ITIC. Nothing good will come of it and like someone told me it would probably just push you back to the MW. You need to concentrate on you and your daughter and not some new guy. He won't validate who you are and I know how intoxicating the attention can be. But I think you are only setting yourself up for a disaster that will take you several steps back as well as introducing your daughter to disrupting behavior becuase she is still young enough to pick your habits up it seems.

ITIC, you really aren't over this guy. Sorry.

I know the feeling and the last thing I want to do is end up with Mr. Wrong again. I tried explaining this phenonmenon to so one else on enot and she didn't believe me.

You are absolutely right but the heart tends to take control unfortunately.

I would strongly suggest against it. I thought I was ready, I really did think so, but I wasn't and it is just messing me up. I waited about a month when the new guy entered the picture and I found his attention intoxicating. But at the same time I was trying to repair a friendship with my greaest guy friend. I used poor judgement in dating the new guy. He felt right over the phone and in text messages, but when we saw each other I knew I needed more time to myself. I am now convinced that I should have waited. My attention should be on me right now and not on two and three hour phone calls from the new guy. Yes it is terribly exciting but it also very confusing. I am hardly bitter and I'm not sure that I am completely over the wrong guy. I might think I am, but if I am still writing here what does that tell me about myself? I suggested to another enot to slow things down and not to commit to someone so soon and I can only hope she takes my advice as I took hers'.

I was with MW (Mr. Wrong)

Would you consider seeing someone new so soon? This is my dilemma.

I regret going to dinner with a new guy last night and regret kissing him good night. That kiss should have been reserved for my great friend and not the new guy. Why do I feel like I need someone new? What was wrong with me? Great friend knew I was going out with the new guy and he didn't say a word about it. I wish he had. Getting into a new relationship is exciting for all the wrong reasons because I'm not allowing myself the chance to regain my inner strength. I thought I had but I definitely had not. God what a HUGE mistake I made. I heard from a very nice person on enot who also said I made a mistake starting a new relationship. It has only been a few weeks and she was right. I need to find myself and not count on other people to make me feel special even though the new guy does make me feel special. Could it be that new guy was saying all the things I needed or wanted to hear? I'm not even sure if I like the new guy. He is hot and all, but there is just something wrong with me wanting the new guy to be Mr. Wonderful. There just is. How do I let new guy know that I find him interesting but that I don't want to date him exclusively? And what kind of pain have I cause GF?

I know you can be strong just remember that you are strong!

Why not invite R again? Maybe he will have changed his mind? Having R there at the concert sounds like the two of you would have a blast! It's always fun to have a guy who likes the same things. It sounds as if B is still very much in the picture though and who cares if R and B don't like each other since you wouldn't be taking both? It sounds as if R is somehow in the mix, is he the new guy? And if not, why not pal around with him more often as you find yourself? M sounds like he is a friend but what if he doesn't like the band you are going to see and then it could be a disaster. Again, I would suggest that you ease off finding and introducing the new guy in your social circle even if you really like him. I had dinner with a new guy last night and I am sick of how I feel. I'm over MW but feel like I was cheating somehow on GF because he is kind and compassionate and cares about me before anything else. GF treats me like a queen and we have so much fun when we are together. If I hadn't already said I would go to dinner with the new guy I would have taken a pass or at least gone to dinner with the understanding that the new guy was just a dinner companion and nothing more. I hope you haven't invited new guy to meet your daughter yet because that would also be a disaster considering what you wrote about your daughter. She might be confused by the whole thing after all and she is your daughter for goodness sake. My vote would be R since he was the one you thought of when you purchased the ticket in the first place and it appears that he is in the front of your brain, otherwise you could always scalp the ticket depending on where you live. It also seems that B is still very much in the picture if you know about his profile picture. M seems like a passing fancy even if he is the new guy and R seems like the perfect option so I would invite him again. How does Doug play into all of this? Who would you have the most fun with? Who would enjoy the concert the most? Who would you feel you could enjoy the show most with? If it is B, then there is a problem, if it is R, then I say go for it. If it is M, then ask him after you check with R. But it definitely sounds like you aren't over B and that R would be the best person to take to the show. Can I ask who the band is? Just my two cents ITIC.

I had a dinner date with a new guy and what I think I found out is that I'm not ready for new guy. The new guy is really really hot and charming but I found myself thinking about GF the entire time we were together. Did I date too soon? I foolishly made plans to go out tomorrow after I teach my class with the new gentleman but I know what is going to happen then as well. Yup, I'm going to be thinking about the GF even as hard as I might try not to. Why did I decide seeing a new guy so soon after MW was a good idea? Do I need companionship? Do I have a school girl need to be in a relationship and feel like someone likes me more than anyone else? I just don't know what I should do.

Against my better judgement I have decided to have a dinner date with a new guy. Those who have followed me know that I may be making a big mistake because I just reengaged with me GF. What happens to GF if I don't like the new guy? And where does the MW fit in to all of this? Advice please? I feel like I should take a break from dating anyone right now and should take the time to figure out who I am. MW left the scene about a month ago and I feel like I am rushing into something new because I need to be involved with someone all the time. Please fellow enots, give me some advice as to whether I am making a huge mistake by taking up with a new gentleman too soon!

ITIC I would suggest and hope that you allow yourself the same!

I talked to GF today for a couple of minutes and it didn't go as well as I had hoped. He seemed distant and detached from the conversation even though we weren't talking about anything in particular. I asked him if he wanted to go and drive to Athens to see a band I know he likes play next month and he was very noncommittal about it. Yes we would stay over night in Georgia. Yes we would probably share the same room but we have shared the same bed non-sexually many times before. So I'm not sure what I should do. I also heard from MW again today and he said he wanted to see me next weekend when his wife is away on business. The offer is tempting but I don't think I can do it. There is a possible new gentleman in the mix now and I need to take my own advice that I gave ITIC and completely just be this guys friend. Jumping from one MW to a new possible guy would be tragic to say the least. I told ITIC that she needed time to focus on herself and I need to do the same thing. A few months of being on my own and possibly seeing what happens with GF only makes sense to me right now. Jumping into a new thing sounds inviting but I need to be able to stand on my own two feet so I think the new guy will have to be put on a back burner for a while. Maybe come fall season. I don't know what is wrong with me thinking that I have to be in a relationship all the time. It doesn't define who I am or what I have to offer someone else. It is as though I need to find a guy right now to find my place on the earth and nothing could be further from the truth. Going from one relationship to another only sounds good in my head. When I think about it I get the feeling that it really speaks volumes of my own needs and that I am ill prepared to be in a relationship with any man right now. A man doesn't complete me.