Alone Now

Because we were friends first then best friends then lovers and now I am trying to be a friend again if he lets me.

I know how you feel! I desperately want to hate my friend as well but I can't stop looking at my phone and hoping that there is a text or phone message from him. But it never comes. Why can't people just be honest? Why do people have to put up walls? I feel hurt and betrayed as well but it seems as though things are left unsaid and that is what really hurts! I would give anything to be back in my friends arms and just to feel normal again. Does that ever happen or are we stuck on guys who only think of themselves and rush to the front of the line to get their rewards? I've asked a bunch of times and I will ask again: are there really no decent, stand-up guys who want nothing more than to express compassion and love for a girl? Is it really that much to ask?

I have gone two hours without checking my phone to see if he even thought about me and he hasn't text me or even called. When do I give up? Why won't he see me for who I am and what I can offer? I don't care about the intimacy all that much, but what I do care about is how we would laugh and joke and listen to bands playing up the street. Was I being used?

How do I stop looking at my phone hoping that you tried to contact me? It is so disappointing to only see my screensaver.

I looked at my phone first thing this morning to see if you had called or sent me a text while I was sleeping and of course you didn't. Will I ever really get over you? I'm going to skip class today because the thought of seeing you and your ignoring is too difficult for me to deal with. Why can't you see me and put some merit in the time that we spent hanging out? Am I not even worth trying to rebuild our friendship? Was I that lousy of a friend to you? I wonder if other people would have done the same thing. I was there when you needed to talk and to laugh and to help you figure stuff out and then once you got your life back on track I served no purpose anymore. What makes me even angrier is that I know I would take you back with open arms and love you like I always have, but you don't care. You are looking for someone better, prettier and more like yourself. Meanwhile I am all wrapped up in the thought of our being back to where we were or even better friends now that we know where we are going. Why can't you see that I am still here for you?

This is the worst time of the day for me. This is when we would talk about the kind of day we had and laugh and play in the kitchen as we got dinner ready on those occasions when we could hang out. God I hate you for the way I feel right now but God I still love you. I wish you would pick up the phone and say "Look, I want to be your best friend again" but I know that call will never come. I want you to pick up the phone and say "I really miss you, let's meet at Hard Rock for a beer" but I know that call will never come either. Was I that bad of a friend to you? Are you pushing me aside for your own protection or are you and she picking back up the doomed romance for a couple of weeks again? And of course I will be right here waiting for your call and wishing the same wish as always: that you see me as a true friend.

So while I was walking to class I noticed you talking to a new girl. I'm sure you were being so kind, sweet and funny. And I am just as sure that once you are faced with making a decision about this new girl you will run and hide and blame everyone else. I know you saw me and still not a single text or phone call. I'm left to wonder if you would chase after me if you saw me show an interest in a new guy. I am home now and will continue to look at my phone for any sign that you are thinking of me.

Still not a single text from you. I am ready to throw away my phone in the same manner than you threw away our friendship and our love.

Why would you waste your time on someone who makes promises and then never follows through?

I just got out of the shower and have checked my phone at least 5 times and still no text from you. Now I'm ready to go back to bed and blow off class. Why do you have this affect on me? Am I not even worth a passing thought? Is text messaging so difficult? Or is it that you really don't give a crap about me?

I know exactly how you feel. I feel violated that I can't even find peace in my sleep as it was once the only respite from thoughts of my friend. It's heartbreaking.

This is insane! I wake up and think of you. And the first thought is always nice and loving. But as I shake the cobwebs from my sleep I become increasingly depressed because I know I don't have you in my life. At least not the way I wish I did. Why can't you see me standing in my little corner ready to take you back when your heart is broken by someone else? Why won't you give our friendship a chance and be willing to let things happen naturally as we did before? Did I like sleeping with you? Yes I did. Would I give those magical few moments back to be what we once were for each other? Yes I would. I wonder what today is going to bring me. Will I hear from you? Will I get a text that is so generic that you might as well be sending it to any random person? And would that random person be as excited as I am to hear from you? I doubt it. Because in spite of myself I have to come to grips that I am in love with you and that you never felt the same way. Damn you for playing with my emotions and making it impossible for me to move on. I blame not only myself but you for letting it happen. Are my feelings just a playing field for you? Can't you see the pain that you caused me? I was there for you when no one else cared or worse, no one else would listen to you. All I wanted to do was love you but you had to put rules attached to that because you wanted to be safe. How is it that you allowed me to give you my love and that once in a while you would say that you loved me also. Was I and am I just a game to you? Can't you see that I still love you and want you in my life as much as I can't stand the thought of you just looking beyond me to find yourself a new interest? What if I really needed you? Would you drop everything and come to my aid? Would you spend the energy it takes to see that I am safe and secure? Is it too much to ask for you to come and hug me when I feel like I need a good cry? The answer is no. You would do none of those things because you are so wrapped up in finding someone to make you feel the way that I know I made you feel. And the entire time you are looking for that security I am placed in a corner. I will go to school today and look at my phone a thousand times hoping to see a text from you. And I know it will never come because you will be out with your friends and hoping the same hope but from someone completely different. Damn you. I am right here ready, willing and able to give you what you want in a person. But it's all a sick game to you. I am here but you enjoy the chase and once you get that person, you toss them aside. I can't play that game because I know you are the one I want in my life. Maybe that is the difference between us. I don't need the game or the chase because I know what I want and what I am capable of giving you. And it's something that you won't find anywhere else. I would give you all of me.

What's wrong with men these days? Just once I wish I could find a man who stands by his word; one who will stand by what he promises; one who is honorable and aboveboard and has a sense of nobility; someone who can tell the difference between right and wrong; just and unjust. He doesn't have to be rich or terribly handsome but a man who cares for others and is willing to put himself in harm's way for what he believes in. A college education isn't needed as I prefer a man who has learned by his own mistakes and doesn't look for justice at his own hands. A man who looks beyond his own wants and desires and is willing to put others first. A man who makes a lady laugh and hold her tight at night and listen to her about things that matter and things that don't. A man who forgets his own worries and asks how my day was first thing in the evening. A man who is kind and gentle and strong and sincere. A man who stands by his word. A man who admits his past indiscretions and promises that never ever again will those things happen again. A man who is there for a lady through thick and thin and won't go running off to someone else the minute a relationship begins to develop because he enjoys the "game" of pulling on a lady's heart strings. A man who sends flowers for no reason, who knows how to quietly listen when the conversation turns to troubles. A man who can make a lady feel comfortable and beautiful and desires physical contact. He can have a bit of a bad boy side but his true destiny is to care for the human race. Is there such a man? I'm afraid that there really isn't.

I wish I could just shake you and scream "I'm right here!" This is so disheartening. I am young and should be chilling by the pool and not worrying about whether you want me as a lover or a friend or if I should just forget about you all together. I've read most of what is written here and I am left to deduce that there are no real men who care about girls anymore. Are there really no honorable MEN in the world anymore? That stinks.

This is my first time here and so I hope it will help ease the pain I am feeling. The short of it is this. I have a very dear friend who I love bunches. We were friends first and then he decided to take the relationship to the next level and it ended quickly but I still love him with my entire heart and soul. So what's the problem? It's easy. He was having medical issues and I suggested that he seek help and he did. Now he doesn't have any time for me and is pulling away. It's like I never even existed. To make matters worse he has this love/ hate thing with a woman who doesn't give a care about him. She sticks around just long enough to mess up his life with hopes of something greater and once he is involved in the relationship the girl blows her off. This happens with significant frequency. How do I make him see that I am still his confidant and that my concern for him is true and well meaning? Do I write him a letter? Do I completely ignore him and write it off as being used by someone not worthy of my time? And how do I get him back to that comfortable place that we shared? My days are spent wondering what in the world went wrong and am concerned for his welfare as this other woman is absolutely toying with his mind. Thoughts and help would be wonderful.