SYKoh

Alrighty, My query is basically about figuring out the game of attraction... more of how to control it on my side more... lets get the basics down 1st...the good ol life story 1.) I was brought up to be shy and quiet 2.) I was brought up with minimal contact with girls, being sent to a single sex school 3.) I grew up and changed for the more outgoin and socially apt when i started uni (university) last year, learning and catching up on social knowledge of opposite sex interaction. I Still have trouble in controlling what happens in female relationships (friends or more)... i mean i've had my share of crushes or being shot down, ... or other way round (ie. havin to turn down or avoid ppl). But i find that most of these have been completely random, yet in a patterned way... i find that the girls i'm not attracted to, are attracted to me; and i get to try their shoes on when i'm attracted to a girl (ie i like em but too bad they don't reciprocate)... I figured out pretty quickly that it's cos i'm more comfortable without the pressure of attraction with those girls thereforeeee able to be unrestrained around them... while i'd be likely to shad my pants when they're very good lookin. I found a happy medium over the summer holidays (novembr to march as this is the southern hemisphere over here) where a good female friend and i got quite close (lacking a better term at the point short of stuff happening)... we knew what was happening but in the end, nothing eventuated, which i'm mildly relieved by cos i'm sure it wouldn't have lasted and wouldav weirded a friendship(i'm still checking with this one). Still... i figured experience in 'johnny on the spot jawyakking' would help so i just generally chatted to people during the start of this year, and have become quite okay at walkin up to someone and just strikin up a conversation, male or female (tho more often this one), good lookin or not... yeah so i've got this one girl who i am interested in now who i've now set off what i believe is a good impression considering her reactions the past coupla times we see each other around (far from 'interested' tho)... i'm pretty sure building a friendship would be easy, but i'm not really sure about how to indicate i'm be goin for more than friends... i'd still be hesitant to consciously and obviously flirt with her as that's just not me even if i mastered the skills... odds are that my preferred style of subtelity will be wasted on this vaunted female intuition (which seems to always work against me)... well... that's my problem i spose, how do i come off as interested while not commin off as friends.. yet not push too hard a suit (which was my original flaw) and send em packin? I really don't wanna stuff up this time... this one seems nice, compatible and good lookin... P.S good luck in answerin, lookin at this post, it's prolly more of a ramble than a direct question, tho feel free to chuck in any thoughts... i'm sure that lettin it ride and goin with the flow (which is something i've just started to do) will show me a the way...

Hmmmm... destress... depends on mood and circumstance work stress as boss stomps his foot (becomes unreasonable)... fume but become real focused on what i'm doin, gettin the job done well and generally loosin patience with my co-workers or those under me... uni stress, nothing... go out and have fun! okay they're my main two points of stress... otherwise it borders into either rage/aggression or loneliness/feelin like crap... tainted stress. the former i'd be likely to have a few rounds with my punching bag or practice my forms/rhythmic controlled moves from taekwondo... latter, more tunes, work, see friends, play piano, draw, drink. the ultimate destresser and selftime... driving late at night... far outside of metro areas, going to places you've never been before and enjoying the freedom of no direction or goal, where you go is up to you... just go...

Good Work M8! I Envy Ya! it's rare to hear something positive like this, and it's always good to hear it happen and to see hard work and dedication come to bear fruit You Are Right Tho, most ppl after leavin Hi School don't have a clue what they wanna do in life... I reckon it's a social thing, maturity, exposure, independance? i kinda didn't know what i wanted to do but chose my interests (politics, history, culture, global stuff) to study in uni (Bachelor Of International Studies) and have loved it since, that was last year. So i spose i can say i knew what i wanted to do... I just hope i have as much luck as you! Finally, you couldn't be more right, do what you want (goal wise) in life... more fulfilling than waking up one day and realising you aren't who you wanted to be or that yer living a life someone else wished they could have Good Stuff All The Same Dude! and Good Luck For The Future!

Well... funny that, i'm in a near same situation... kinda exiting it... as life picks up pace again... I'll stick a coupla thoughts into your head that may help you understand why you're feelin the way you are, some maybe helpful... some may not... some is prolly more helpful for me to get out... all the same.. should be noteworthy... Heavy Moodswings... There are always underlying problems to why ppl have moodswings... generally comes under their environment, and that itself could be caused by the personality of the individual... a.) If yer in summer holidays (like us Australian Uni Students Are ATM...) then generally there's a 'lull' period when the exhilaration of holdays is over, the fun of Christmas and Nu Yrs is over; and eventually life stagnates to work, seeing my few worthy friends when there's time/goin out(i'm the more reserved bloke)... and general non 'productive'/'life enriching' stuff... and believe it or not... that becomes boring after a while... this boredom can lead to (as it did for me) swings between complete emptiness/lonliness and just idle laziness, or sometimes just happiness that life's just cruising... alrite, i'm gettin a lil off topic after rereading yer post... i spose to apply it to your case it's that everything's just becoming a routine and you're wondering wotzit all for... neways i'll get to the basics... Dedicating life to study alone is hard, and one must devote his/her time to other parts of life... You'll generally find that you must strive to maintain all things you consider important to you and if one of those factors are dragged down, the whole life stability is threatened and thereforeeee you start performing less well all round... Do you feel alone? hell even tho i'm slightly antisocial... i'd be feelin alone if there's no one i can really talk to (hah and guess how i feel atm)... and that maybe upsetting your equilibrium... I'd say GET OUT THERE AND MAKE SOME FRIENDS ... but it's not ez to find truly good people... so usually you'd rely on a mentor like your father, someone you can trust to talk to... and from the sounds of it that would be difficult... (Insertion: It is highly possible that you are still tryin to come to terms of his passing) now i'm not sure what to recommend here except to really meet new people (as that's the problem i myself have not been able to resolve) ... genuine people who make ya feel good... if you start feelin good, you'll find you perform better in all disciplines in life... Oh yeah, and general problems that occupy your mind... or intense stress will influence your sleep... and of course, without sleep you can't be 100%.. especially in studies... i'd say stress less... take a nightcap and think of faraway places... that's how i've managed it so far... but i've found this is only a temporary solution, until you find the underlying problem... and be warned this solution may make you psychologically dependant on booze to snooze Well, worrying about studies, there's not a single soul who worries about their studies (even those who know they're gonna sink!)... missing classes is not too bad... i'd follow Special1's advice and consult your tutors/professors/lecturers... they've helped me on most parts if i missed something or need clarification... It seems that this could either be the problem (worry about study) or a symptom of a core problem (which i'm puttin my money on lack of people to trust)... yet because you believe that study is of great importance, you may have found yourself floundering even more... a vicious cycle/circle... All these issues are related, yet only one may plague you... you must IDENTIFY WHAT THE ISSUE IS... AND RESOLVE IT... it's like finding out where the hole in your boat is and sealing it, it becomes seaworthy again (after clearing up the remaining seawater) and you can face the world Hope that was helpful... if only it could be understood sorry this post is so messed up and long... it's the current mindstate i'm in

The answers are all correct, yet none of them are in entirety... One must remembr while Music and CK are relatively correct in most cases there are still many who are in the exception of that field. There are many who looks aren't important and attraction comes from personality, loyalty trust... I try to get the both together and find myself alone ... tho i find myself lowering the importance on looks if the girl is great person... that's prolly rare in a young guy, though completely unrelated to the original string... Neways... It depends on the individual, their upbringing, environment, and expeiences. Looks is an important factor in all things, attraction is what i believe to be required, basic looks... failing that symbols of status, power and success... Or you could go security Or for the more sadistic girl, they'd go for someone weak who they can control the whole kaboodle It's all too complex to be broken down into basic answers posted throughout this string... while one might be tempted to try understand why the world works as it does (which is my deadly sin) it would be easier, more practical and generally better off it you let it run... Let the story unfold... Oh yeah... don't set up a new image of yourself just to get girls... fake people are generally disliked and while may hold up the facade for a short time... anyone who knows how to use gut feelin or just knows them for a long time will realise/expose the fakeness... Be yourself... nothing wrong with goin about changing yourself, but make sure it's a true change not a mere veneer to make you more 'suitable' in society Jeez those sorts are the bane of my existence! Thank You.

Alrighty... My 1st post, hope it doesn't disappoint... not meaning to shoot you down or nething, i'd say she's being nice... most likely. OK, i assume you like her right? Generally in that state of mind, or with such potential there; getting optimistic is very easy and you can interpret the situation into what suits your mind... A Lesson I Learnt A While Back So in conclusion to that point... i wouldn't be shootin at love at 1st sight (even if i were a believer...) BUT... obviously she's interested in being friendly... that's a good thing Becoming friends or on friendly terms is usually a first step in relationships... There are generally three options (which my limited experience and mind state can recall) 1.) Do what S4il says taking a relatively 'proactive' approach, btw that's Smooth... nice one Sail actually thinking about his makes an alternative to straight out rejection and a possibility for a future friendship... but most cases result in alienation of the existing relationship or any possibility of one 2i.) Be friends... be yourself (yet more charmin or flirty etc) ... that's highly inactive but it could result in two things 2a.) Nothing more 2b.) your charm and flirtiness, and closeness may evolve into something more... That's about it i spose... And of course my final note is that it's all in context, what i've said here happened under circumstances my life experience has given me... duplication of it would not be ez... And this is all a generalisation Well... Good Luck I Spose