rufus

I broke up with an abusive boyfriend after 3 1/2 years and now I'm single. This was a month ago. Yesterday, I went on a date with a really hot guy. He is falling for me. He's infatuated with me, and what's worse, I'm infatuated with him. When he kissed me, my heart wouldn't stop racing, I became disoriented, I couldn't catch my breath. I'm still not over my ex and I have more issues than I can handle. So my intention was to establish some friendships and get myself together, focusing on my career and reestablishing my independence. And maybe some meaningless, anonymous sex here and there. I have explained this to him. I told him that I would welcome friendship and I desperately want to have sex with him, but I cannot commit to a relationship. I think about him all the time and I want to see him every day. Should I insist on reducing the time we spend together, at least until I get my house in order? Do you think that would help? I'm a mess. I also think that I'm telling him too much about my feelings for him. And of course, he always reciprocates. And I just swoon. I think I should keep my thoughts to myself. Any suggestions?

I broke up with a guy after 3 years of a long-term relatoinship. It was mainly over money issues and trust issues on my part. I'm doing it really slowly. I told him that I wanted to separate; he told me he didn't want to. I don't want to either. But at the same time I think it is best. I don't want a bitter break up. But I feel like the realization is just beginning to sink in that I will have to tell him good bye. And I will break down. I don't want my heart to break. And there are so many issues: we own a car together, we have a dog together, who we both love. I can't imagine if you put kids into the equation. What options do I have? And to make matters worse is it is my parents who are telling me to break up with him. He looks at me and tells me he loves me, and I can't stop myself from telling him that I love him. But I can't love him anymore. My life has taken a dramatic turn for the worse, especially on financial issues. It's our fault, not really his. But he's the worst thing for me.

Would I be justified in erasing all these pics? This way, he would approach me. I don't know how to begin breaking up with him, or even approaching him about this. Yes, we live together

I've been in a monogamous relationship with a guy for a couple years. We're both in our mid 20s. Here are some things I've seen on the computer: -- He forgets to erase the temporary files; I type in the first letter of a site, and personals URLs scroll down. Pics of penises in the area. Not mine. -- In-your-face pics of his private parts in personals on the Web. And other people signing his guestbook with proposals for pic trading and sex, commentary about his penis, etc. Of course, he's got a red-hot package. -- In some personals, he identifies himself as single. And in one, he and an unknown top (I'm a bottom) want guys in the area to e-mail them to have "some fun." This scares me. Did he cheat on me -- On his AOL profile, he has my name as his. One time I saw an MSN instant message to him from a guy named Josh. He says "Hey, Matt." That's not him, that's me. But it's to him. Also, he gave me his cell phone as a hand-me-down when he got a new one. Before he had the number changed, I had messages from two different men in Dallas addressed to Matt. I didn't know either of them. -- Now he has a Web cam. It's been a while now. I tell him I want to film us in action, but we haven't. So what's the cam for? Hmm. But some of his saved pics are of him using the cam. I confronted him several times but quite a while ago; He always managed to come up with a quick, half-baked list of excuses and denials and explanations. Some of them were far-fetched. I'd have to be an idiot to believe him. Yep, I was. Is it self-esteem issues. I don't trust him. I can't trust him. Why do I bother? One time I brought this to his attention, and he got mad at me for snooping and threatened to block me from using the computer. He has since separated us into two Windows user accounts, and has put a password on his account. I am gullible, so I believed the things he told me. Yeah, I'm gullible. Too gullible. It sickens me. And right now, I just found out for certain without a doubt that was LYING all along. I'm sure of it now because I did some more digging. Now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I love him. I have never never cheated on him. I avoid even the opportunity to cheat on him. He is my fantasy. But what the hell am I? I can't ignore this, but I can't bring up old stuff either. Do I wait for him to screw up again before I confront him? Actually, I'm completely at a loss. I just want him to be honest. It was he who wanted a strictly monogamous relationship in the first place. Any advice?

I've been in a monogamous relationship with a guy for a couple years. We're both in our early 20s. Three things I've seen on the computer: 1.) He forgets to erase the temporary files; I type in the first letter of a site, and personals URLs scroll down. Pics of penises in the area. Not mine. 2.) In-your-face pics of his private parts in personals on the Web. And other people signing his guestbook with proposals for pic trading and sex, commentary about his penis, etc. Of course, he's got a red-hot package. 3.) In some personals, he identifies himself as single. And in one, he and an unknown top (I'm a bottom) want guys in the area to e-mail them to have "some fun." This scares me. Did he cheat on me? 4.) Now he has a Web cam. It's been a while now. I tell him I want to film us in action, but we haven't. So what's the cam for? Hmm. I confronted him several times but quite a while ago; He always managed to come up with a quick, half-baked list of excuses and denials and explanations. Some of them were far-fetched. I'd have to be an idiot to believe him. Yep, I was. And then he always got mad at me for snooping and threatens to block me from using the computer. I am gullible, so I believed the things he told me. Yeah, I'm gullible. Too gullible. It sickens me. And right now, I just found out for certain without a doubt that was LYING all along. I'm sure of it now because I did some more digging. Now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I love him. I have never never cheated on him. I avoid even the opportunity to cheat on him. He is my fantasy. But what the hell am I? I can't ignore this, but I can't bring up old stuff either. Do I wait for him to screw up again before I confront him? Actually, I'm completely at a loss. I just want him to be honest. It was he who wanted a strictly monogamous relationship in the first place. Any advice?