Fudgie

Vic, my sister's main interests are cartoons, fan art from certain series, and things like that. She loves Disney. She is now employed and I am stoked for her. She works in food service in a hospital. She assembles salads and does other things in the kitchen. Not cooking but you get my drift. She doesn't work in my hospital but I've seen in my own hospital that there is an artistic male adult who works in food services and then also a lady who Downs. She has been there for many years. It gives me hope. My hope for your son is that he will continue to improve cognitively through treatment and while he'll have his niche interests, he will be able to hold down a job that doesn't involve them. My sister has gotten to that point and I'm really happy. And she enjoys her job too. I think it's great that your brother can oversee the trust. My sister has one. I don't mind living with her and having some costs but I wouldn't want to financially support her 100% so I'm thankful for that. I think the duplex is a great idea. I want to buy my parent's house in a couple decades (they own outright) and live there with my sister. It's big and she has a "wing" to herself. I could live in the rest. I've been told that no man would agree to such a living arrangement but you know what, that's life.

I definitely do think autism runs in families. Runs in mine for sure. 2 confirmed diagnoses, my sister will be living at home forever, and I'm pretty sure my father is on th e spectrum. He struggled a lot when he was younger socially and he has gotten better but he still has a lot of awkwardness and social faux pas. He also gets stuck on subjects. I'm sorry about the ABA course. My sister went reign ABA therapy. Now she works at a hospital. She will get some disability money as she's considered disabled so it's good to know that she has that and if she got laid off, she'd get more. She's a good girl. There are very few resources for her. Now that we has a job, she's "set". I'm prepared to have her live with me when my parents are gone. I'll be damned before she goes into a group home. She will never go there. So many group homes, not enough resources to ensure that these folks are perform to the best of the ability. So sad.

If that could be done, yeah, that would be cool. I wouldn't want to deny people like my sibs a cure because I know they want one but then others don't and if they are happy and fine the way they are, well, let 'em be. Sent from Tapatalk

I know my siblings have good self esteem, but both get frustrated sometimes. Especially because they see how the other kids are, how it takes them less time to do things, and both suffer from some pretty bad anxiety, and autism doesn't help with that at all. I really want a way to eliminate autism and I really hope it's gone in the future so no one has to go through what they have.

I cant speak for all autistic individuals but I know that both of my siblings want a cure or a way for autism to be eliminated. I do see it as a loss of potential in one way or another. Both of my siblings are aware of their autism and get frustrated with it from time to time, but do their best. However, they do know that their lives are harder as a result. I do see autism as an unfortunate developmental disorder. I hope it's gone in the future, gone completely. I don't see it as something just "different", like people havng diferent ways of learning or talents or opinions, I see it as unfortunate, something that can be treated to a degree, and you can still maybe have a meaningful life with it, but it's a heckava lot harder. I've been told that I am an "ableist" for how I feel, but hey, whatever, guess I am. I love my family but autism sucks. I wish they weren't born with it. They wish they didn't have it. I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. My sister is 22 but acts like she is 8-10 in some ways, including her hobbies and sexual development. It's sad.

I think there's a balance somewhere. I want autism cured. In 100 years, preferably less, I want it gone forever. I wish my siblings didn't have autism. I love my siblings and I love being around autistic kids in general, I definitely accept them as they are because I know it's not their fault and they were born with it and that's just how they are. They deserve love and acceptance, absolutely. But they also deserve proper treatment and in the future, perhaps a cure too. Some look at autism as merely a "different way to be" and maybe we shouldn't treat it. I see it as a potentially debilitating disorder that affects function and life potential. I owe it to my siblings to be loving and accepting of them, and yes, sometimes I've failed at this over the years. But they deserve this. They also deserve treatment so they can be at their best. It's more about increasing functionality, language comprehension, learning abilities, etc. than it is about conforming. Some may say that encouraging treatment is asking them to conform and you know, perhaps there is some truth in that. I realize that the world can be a harsh one and it's easier and more effective to treat one person to their best of their abilities than to try and get the whole world to understand and accept. I wouldn't wish autism upon anyone and I really do want it gone. But my love for someone isn't affected by whether or not they have autism. I hope I'm making sense.

I've heard of Autism Speaks but I am not really sure what that organisation does. Why do they have it?

I can see why too. It is important to have love and acceptance for them. I do that but still wish for a cure. I think someday there will be a cure or perhaps a very effective treatment that could be done very very very early and I want that very much and I still love and accept those on the spectrum.

I am torn because I love my siblings and their quirks which would no doubt not exist without autism, but at the same time, I wish there were a cure, absolutely. If I get them a shot today that would take away their autism, there's not much I wouldn't do to get that shot, including illegal things. Hmm, torn.

I think it's a mix of genetic and environmental factors too.

My brother goes to a college that supports a lot of students with autism and other things. He has had a single room, accommodations, lots of things.

No problem Lo. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better!

I'm sorry to hear about his gran. And your gran too. I no longer have any grandparents and my mom's parents each died in their 90s. I miss my grandmother the most because we were so close. Yes, she was 96 and had a good life, but she is gone now. I still remember her voice and I have her old voice mails. For years, I used to drive her to see my grandfather's grave. I would walk her to the grave and she would "talk" to him. Now there are two graves with the same headstone and I come alone. I think regardless of how old someone is, it's always a loss and you never really "get over it". There's a bit of sadness there that doesn't really go away. I can't imagine my parents dying but I know someday I will have to live through it. It happens to everyone, unless they themselves die early. But it's a major loss regardless. Here is something that I've thought about through the years. Perhaps it will help you. Death is just the other side of the coin in life, birth is on the other side. You can't have one without the other. You'd overfill the world if you did. Conservation of matter. In order to have new life, old life must go to rest and our bodies go back to the elements. I may not be having children myself but I know that I'd want a good life for the future generations so that they too can have a chance at life, and new ideas, and new stories, etc. So I know that someday we will all move on. I do miss my grandmother and I will miss my parents terribly but it gives me comfort to think that we are all going to go through the same thing and return to the same state regardless if you're buried or not: broken down into basic particles and elements so that we are "recycled" and become part of the earth and make new life again. You and your loved ones all become a part of the air, the water, the plant life, and even other humans. In a way, you're always together because we are all a part of something very great. The whole life experience ties us together. This is just something that helps ease me a little when I am feeling sad. You are right, it is just so important to make the most out of the time we have. My grandparents and parents will live in my heart forever and that will never change no matter what happens.

Yay for reconnecting with old friends! Hopefully you two will keep in touch more and be able to support each other in the future as you both start your families.

You will get there, Lo. I know it. You know, I've had a lot of experiences and I still feel insecure from time to time and worry a lot but then I have to remind myself that I've made it through a lot and I can push through. I think we all have more inner strength then we know and I think that goes for you too. Once you find some friends and some new passions, you will only gain more confidence and enrich your life. Plus maybe have more fun with D so you can share in new things together! I love driving too! I have a purple Honda Fit (you're in the UK, so I believe it's called the Honda Jazz where you are). It's my first car (grandmother helped me get it, and it makes me think of her) and it was cheap but I take good care of it and it's my baby. I feel like a million dollars in the summer after I wash it and I'm zipping around. I love listening to my music on long stretches of thruway. Once you get even better with time, you will enjoy driving even more. Enjoy the gym! It's almost 6am here. Getting up early to get dressed in a ridiculous winter outfit to go down to the lake with my father and see if we can hunt some geese! They don't taste very good to me but he's passionate about hunting so I like to go with him.

I think it's wonderful that you're very in love with your husband. He's your "first" everything, right? I have no doubt that's a factor. I had my first love when I was 14/15, much older man, and losing him put me into a deep state of depression for a few years. Since then, I have been in love and I have loved, but it's never been with the same intensity. There's always a bit of detachment. I've had several LTRs, loved deeply, but of course it's not the same as first love. Now, I am okay with that, because I have loved and lost, and at the end of the day, I know I will be okay no matter what happens. There is some comfort in that. I really enjoy my "me" time to do what I like to do, listen to the weird music I like, read things I like, translate Latin, etc. So while I enjoy having a partner and I can love a partner, the center of my life is not them and I know that if I lose that person I will ultimately be okay. It's not so much about settling as it is about bring comfortable with yourself. I truly think that as you get older and branch out a bit in terms of forming friendships and finding new passions (whatever they may be), you will feel more whole and less reliant on your husband for your happiness/purpose. It would only bring you happiness further down the line. I mean, that must be awful sitting there alone and feeling so sad. But it doesn't have to be that way. I think you will eventually get there, I do. As for muting one's own thoughts, I find that meditation really works for me to help me get into a more calm state. As I've gotten older, it's only gotten better. My father taught me how to meditate when I was 5/6, telling me that it was like "your mind is a chalkboard, and you erase everything on it and wait, and if you look carefully, messages will appear".

I am no psychiatrist; I think good ones are out there, ones with personal experience with autism who not only know the diagnostic criteria but also have a good "sense" when it comes to autism. I know they are out there.

Downs Syndrome patients do have certain physical features that are clinically linked to the disorder and yes, they are included in the diagnostic criteria. That's not being mean or eugenic like, that's just science and the nature of the disorder. The eyes, facial features, and even certain hand features. Autism, well, it's not really the same. However, I have a very good sense of autistic individuals by now and it's not their "looks" exactly that strike me, it's their expressions, or sometimes, lack thereof. I can't really explain it. I've grown up with autistic individuals. I "see" or "hear" elements of one or both of siblings in someone and I just go "ohh". I wish I could explain it, really wish I could.

Yeah my brother had a little issues with sleeping. He'd stay up all night sometimes and then sleep through part of the day.

My brother and I got into a massive fight this weekend about something very personal (to him), I can't put it in public. Can I PM you, Vic? Maybe you'll have some thoughts.

My father and brother are actually a lot alike. It's almost comical. So yeah, I believe he has it. He is a great dad but he can be insensitive and kind of clueless. Everyone in his office laughs about him. He'll raid the fridge and eat the food of others, and he'll hoard everyone's pens, and things like that. But he's very smart at his profession so they excuse it and laugh about it instead. I've heard that parents with high IQs, even if they don't have ASD, are more likely to have children with autism even without a family history. Guess that means that my parents are both geniuses because 2/3 is crazy.

My sister has autism and she is worse off than her brother. Verbally especially. She had the severe developmental regression at a young age. I'm pretty sure that my father had mild ASD but was very diagnosed. Everyone else in my family thinks it. So, out of 5 people, 3 have autism. I've had a few different people ask me if I have ASD. I said no, I'm just awkward and I grew up with others who have it and I am more solitary than others, to the point I was held back in preschool because they felt something was wrong . That's just me.

I turned 25 this year as well. Age is truly just a number. I know that is a cliche but it's true. The reason why we get all nervous about ages is because we have this arbitrary standard set in our minds of "what we're supposed to do by age x" and "what will happen at age x". It's silly. Heck, I'm 25 and I still have toys that I play with. It keeps me feeling young and I enjoy it. I sometimes draw for no reason at all. I still loved high quality stuffed animals and I have them in my room at my family's house. I also love Renaissance figurines and like to rotate their positions and make it look like they are fighting or going on an adventure. These activities bring me a lot of joy and calmness and no one can tell not to do them because of age. I always will. I think one of the mean appeals of having kids is because parents get an "excuse" to play again. Me, I don't need an excuse. I am 25, dammit. I can play with toys or go out and drink! Options! As we get older and work towards our goals, our options expand, they don't shrink. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do a certain activity like playing or fanciful things because you are older. That is crap. People who hole themselves up like that and deprive themselves will be bitter and die young. My same-age ex put me down for liking certain things and told me that it was a sign of mental illness. He is the sick one not me. 25, quarter of a century. No crisis, just another stop on the way of life, no way to go back, only to look ahead. Life is cumulative and I feel better now than I have in a long time. I recently had to train a girl who is 21/22 and let me tell you, I'd never go back to that age. She is so limited in her experience and insight and knowledge. I want to be someone who is seasoned and made better by age, not someone who cracks and becomes bitter.

Is this your first "real" job? I mean "real" in the sense of being in a professional environment, dealing with professionals, etc. I can understand your sentiments if that's the case. I think you just need to relax a little and give it some time. I don't work in a big company but I do work in a big hospital and there are days when I am stuck in an office and I'm running a lot of numbers and rub shoulders with a lot of administrators. It's just something to get used to. Just take a deep breath and relax. It's just part of being an adult and once you settle in, things will come more naturally to you. When I started my job, I was a wreck and so nervous.

That's absolutely awesome and I know you'll do good things for your son with that money.