Fudgie

I feel like that too, 1 foot in each camp, but I put most of my weight on the "treatment" foot. I am fine with letting them have eccentric interests and such, totally fine. I don't even think they should feel like they need to be in romantic relationships or friendships, as long as they are happy and feel accepted. However, if they are not functional, it's a real issue because then society has a whole has to pay for it. I don't see the goodness in letting them dysfunctional or not functional if we as society have to foot the bill for that when treatment has been shown to help. Both of my siblings have said that they wished that they didn't have autism, because treatment is hard. My Aspie friend said he wishes he didn't have it. I've never, ever met an autistic person who said that they didn't want a cure but I believe you 100% when you say that you've encountered these individuals. Now, my siblings didn't want autism but they didn't like their treatment. Their medicine used to make them sick. Sensory issues, etc. However, NOT getting treatment was never an option for them (my sister was dragged kicking and screaming, eventually she submitted and it become part of her routine, she was so young when she started) and they were never exposed (until much later) to people that had autism that weren't treated. The school wanted to put my sister into a home essentially and then a special school and my parents fought for her to be integrated and she was never in "special ed". She had a tutor, paid for by public school, and that was it. People aborting autistic babies in the future? I don't think autism will go away completely. People can test for and abort Downs kids and we still have people with Downs Syndrome. I truthfully don't see it as a bad thing. If someone truly doesn't want or can't handle having an autistic child, I think it's better that they abort than have the child go unloved. Even my brother agrees with me on this. The dysfunction part, I hate that part. It's such a defining disorder for my whole family and yet 3/5 of us don't know what it's like too have it. I've read that it's been described like an extremely mild but slightly bad psychedelic experience (in terms of thoughts, not the visualization), the confusion, the thought processes, how they see patterns in EVERYTHING, hyperfocus, and even the absence of time perception. Oh, and isolation. It's horrible. I hope for the day that it is no longer here and me and my family will have long since passed on and we'll be remembered well, but people will say "I'm really glad that we no longer have autism".

Vic, I came accross an article this morning, and wanted your input: link removed "Just as homosexuality used to be seen as a disorder but is now accepted as part of the range of human diversity, a neurodiversity proponent sees the classifying of autism as a disorder as a socially intolerant mistake." (rant warning) I got really annoyed by it, bolded statement in general. How dare they compare it to homosexuality. If I were gay, I'd be offended! Autism IS a disorder, homosexuality is not! I don't understand this movement at all. They don't want a cure OR treatment? It makes no sense to me. I believe in being tolerant, sure, like it's fine for them to have eccentric interests, and it's okay for them to think differently than others and we shouldn't shame them for ANY of that because that's wrong, but this is an issue of FUNCTIONALITY. It makes my blood boil to hear these people, who clearly don't have autism, say "Well, they are just different, nothing is wrong, what's wrong is that society doesn't except them." Well, many autistics can't bloody talk. My sister didn't communicate AT ALL, and wouldn't have without early intervention medication and therapy. Many suffer from anxiety, have GI issues, have debilitating sensory issues, etc. My sister has described her early years as a "fog". How in the heck is that okay? If you can't communicate, something is wrong. If you can't go out in public without having a meltdown, something is wrong. If you are a picky eater to the point that you are having nutritional difficulties, something is wrong. If you are unable to do your ADLs, something is wrong. If you have no social skills whatsoever (I'm not talking about being suave, I mean, unable to hold a basic conversation, say please, etc.), something is wrong. If you have crippling anxiety to the point that you can't tolerate small schedule changes, something is wrong. Yeah, my sister and brother were resistant to treatment but they got it anyway. I can see why many people would not want it and would rather just be left alone. Treatment can really suck! It's not a fun experience at all. It's long, grueling, tedious, and repetitive training. It's not fun for the patient or therapist. But that's their obstacle in their life. We all have our own struggles. If we listened to my brother and sister saying "I don't want to go", then my sister wouldn't be able to communicate properly and my brother would still be locked in his room due to anxiety and he wouldn't have friends. Both are now happy that they got treated and say they feel a lot better. My Aspie friend says he wished he got treatment when he was younger. Sorry, this just really chaps my bum. I love my family. I have no idea what they are going through. I am thankful that they got treated and are doing okay now but everyday I wish for a cure because life is still really hard for them. If I had to literally give up a leg in order for them to be cured, I would. My worry is that this way of thinking will allow for reduced autism treatment/cure research funding and a glut of people who have autism and are either not functioning or low functioning due to their disorder but treatment will not be encouraged. Sorry if I offended, those are my thoughts.

I guess I'm more in the middle, or whatever. Probably just my upbringing.

image removed That was pretty fun. Yay, I'm NT.

What sort of places has he applied to?

I wonder if there is a way to get him to see that work isn't always going to be fun and it's highly unlikely that he will be able to work in his niche interest(s) right away.

Has his psychiatrist suggested any medications? Maybe they would help, I don't know. To be honest, I don't think I've ever met an autistic child who wasn't on some kind of medication to help with something. My sibs are a mess without their meds and absolutely must take them. Both of my sibs were aware that they would have to work full time. In what, up to them. I think my sister said she wanted to be a vet years ago and my mom said nothing but did try to steer her more toward the "vet tech" option, which would be a good job for her, perhaps in the future. They always knew they would have to work full time. My sister knew she would be supported but she couldn't sit at home. She was prodded into Project Search and it was a good choice for her.

Is he on any medications or anything? I know both my sibs are on stuff, particularly my sister for cognitive function. Here is what I'm wondering, what does your son think about the future? How does he envision his life? How does he think he'll make his living someday? My sister was always told she was going to work full time. Does she like it? Well, she has her days when she definitely doesn't. But it was pounded into her head from early on that there would never be another choice. She HAD to work like everyone else and we didn't care if other autistic kids got to go into a home and do nothing, she was not allowed to do that.

What do you think the barriers are to him being self sufficient (or rather, as self sufficient as he can be). Proms and such are not required events. Not me, not my siblings, we never went to ours. You thought he'd like it but he didn't. That's okay, live and learn. Have you ever looked into Project Search? I looked on their site and they have resources in Canada. link removed What it does is it's a program that is geared toward autistic individuals and others with developmental disabilities. The program supports them and trains them for different jobs. It also helps them to develop good skills like punctuality and problem solving. They get short assignments and get feedback and support along the way. What's cool is that when they are done, it really builds up their resume so they have experience to draw upon when applying to other jobs. My sister did this program. She works full time now in a hospital. Very proud of her. Will she be 100% self sufficient? No, that's not within her ability. She will probably not want to get married/have kids either. She still lives with my parents and someday, she will probably live with me when they are too old or gone. She will continue to work but she needs to someone to oversee finances and such. She can do her daily chores for herself just fine. I have no idea what sort of level of functionality your son's psychiatrist/doctors think he may be capable of. Have they said anything to you? Perhaps they may think he can get a job with the right training but will be living with you for the long term. What will happen when you're gone? I don't know, but there are options out there. I want to stay with my sister but I know she'd be okay even if I didn't and even if my parents were gone.

This is a great thing to be thankful for and I feel the same way.

My sister says the damnest things sometimes. One time she was talking to my dad and he was talking about a male friend of hers (who likes her, but she doesn't like him) and he asked "What if you liked him back?" and she just looked at him and said "Are we talking about an alternative universe here?" Oh man...hahahahaha

Today, I'm thankful for my best friend because he always knows how to reassure me while also shaking me back to Reality when I need it and going crazy from irrational, stupid anxiety.

^ Thanks faraday, you just made me laugh out loud in the bathroom like an idiot hahahaha

I agree with Temple Grandin! I believe there's a balance. Therapy and meds are often needed to make it so that they are functional, able to communicate, able to cope. Those skills are key. But we shouldn't be changing who they are as people. That's not the point of therapy. My sister (brother too) has been in therapy and taking meds for years and she has come a long way but she is still, well, her. She loves animals and cartoons and fan art of her favourite shows. I would never force her to "grow up" in her personal interests. I like to take her to see new Disney movies because I want to see them too and she's the only adult I know who enjoys them! Therapy has allowed her to talk, cope, comprehend, and now she can hold down a food service job with some help and direction. She is functional to the best of her ability and that's all anyone can ask for. I am happy for her.

It's always good to see you around Lo. I hope you and D are doing well!

He's good at them and he even took a class in Logic. But changing perspectives? No can do.

Victoria, have you heard of that "Cheryl birthday" problem? My brother is a math genius. He is in college for math. I can't do math unless it's strictly practical and in formulas. Anyway, for me, it is not a math problem. It's a logic one and in order to solve it, you have to place yourself in each person's shoes, ie change your perspective. I solved it in 10 min and got the right answer. My brother racked his brain for a while and had no idea. It's because he has Aspergers. He said, he can't put himself in the other's perspective to solve it.

Thinking of you and your son and wishing you luck.

Did the doctors specifically say that he won't be able to hold down a job in the future?

I just don't understand why this happened. I'm really angry on behalf of you! And yes of course, your son needs you and your love 10fold over any sort of money. I just don't understand. What's the point of going through that process and having DOCTORS FILL OUT FORMS TESTIFYING THAT HE IS DISABLED only to reject it? Based on what grounds? Utter crap. It makes me so mad. I see people here with a LOT less than your son, that some would argue aren't even disabled just freaking lazy and exaggerating their problems, and they get hundreds of $$ a month. I hate that. Then the people who REALLY need help don't get it.

I'm so, so sorry Vic. I imagine you're going to fight it, right? Can you find a psychiatrist to vouch for your son, saying that he needs it? I don't know how the process works over there....

So what does this mean? They don't want to give him benefits? Do they feel that he's "functional" enough not to require them or something? crazy. .

I'm so sorry. Why do they keep denying you? I don't understand.

You are like me, Vic. I love science, but I hate math. Math is not my strong suit but I've scored highly in science.

Vic, You have other family that is closer to R's age, right? Maybe he could have a family advocate when he is older and you are gone. That's what I'm going to do for my siblings.