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JonasWaingaro

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Everything posted by JonasWaingaro

  1. JonasWaingaro
    No. 3. Not sure if this is finished or not. We'll see. I'm calling this one 'My heart'.
  2. JonasWaingaro
    Thanks everyone! debaser_wolf - friendly! I love that. I will rename it. On the black. I was really really moody that day. But somehow the black works. It really pops. I may add white stripes though. vertigoxo - hehe thanks. waveseer - yay! I like it too. And I still might add them racin' stripes.
  3. JonasWaingaro
    Thanks everyone! debaser_wolf - friendly! I love that. I will rename it. On the black. I was really really moody that day. But somehow the black works. It really pops. I may add white stripes though. vertigoxo - hehe thanks. waveseer - yay! I like it too. And I still might add them racin' stripes.
  4. JonasWaingaro
    Okay, sure I'll be the first to bite. I've had these wild images in my head since college. I always wanted to paint them. Well, after being dumped by my GF I decided the time was ripe. So here are first two. Yes, they are *cough*primitive. That's okay, it's what I 'see' in me brain.
  5. JonasWaingaro
    Good one Wave! I like.
  6. JonasWaingaro
  7. JonasWaingaro
    Yeah don't be hard on yourself. I've been on and off for 2 months. It happens. On bad days, it takes everything not to do something. Those would be everyday, btw. ](*,) If you think NC is the way to go then just keep pushing on. Set little goals, 1week, 2weeks, 3days. When you fall off, most do, then smack your head and try again. Unless contact works! Oh and I'm day...hmm, 14 maybe. I guess I have the 2-3month blues. Been really hard this week, and last weekend. I feel sooo lonely at times. Had a devastating nightmare last night. Didn't sleep after that one. Hello my old friend 4am.
  8. JonasWaingaro
    Sure write them, just don't send them. I hear ya on the withdrawal, it is tough! It does get easier in time. Hang in there! Oh and I'm on day...14 or so...again...
  9. JonasWaingaro
    Ahem. I think that too. I've been down for a few days now. Today was awful. I was around family today but I had to stay outside. I couldn't keep up my brave face. I know I looked sad. I'm not eating or drinking enough. I've got to get that under control. I'm on around day 7 NC, but I stopped counting as I fell off sometime ago. I don't even call it NC now. I'll go with 'being ignored sucks time'. BIST. hehe I went LC after a few weeks, 3 weeks ago. That worked out badly. I'm in a state of...meh. I still miss her. I still have random daydreams about her. Usually involving her calling me wanting me back. Those drive me crazy. I don't know where those come from, sure set me back for a few minutes - hours. Why do I hold out hope? I wish I knew! I do have to say our time together was the best time in my life. I wish she knew that. I wish that mattered. I wish....
  10. JonasWaingaro
    Just set your boundaries and stick with them no matter what. And remember, Jaws got his in the end.
  11. JonasWaingaro
    !! Yep, that's my state of mind! So damned pointless, yet.... Oh, I forgot to add before, grats on the new job and place!!! That is so awesome for you. It's gotta be very exciting, even now!
  12. JonasWaingaro
    Day13 - Yep, must be in the air. Last 2 days have been a HUGE set-up. Felt awful, can't get motivated to do much more then mope. The 'what if's' became 'WHAT IF'S' again. Booo. /sigh
  13. JonasWaingaro
    Day 10 - Yeah Icyness, it's not 10 steps back. I've broken NC twice so far. There's nothing easy about this. Going with your heart is okay. Don't beat yourself up. It WILL get better. (a mantra I've adopted from a friend, thanks!) Been okay today. Missing her like crazy, all the laughter, and general silliness. Missing hugs. My pillow isn't making it. Held out against an overwhelming desire to email today. Keep hopeful everyone!
  14. JonasWaingaro
  15. JonasWaingaro
    Day 9 - Crazy. Woke up in a weird mood. Not the usual dread, that came later. Booo. Been hard not breaking down and emailing her. Hating this feeling of 'forbidden fruit' on a pedestal out there. That I have to be scared to communicate with. How strange. Found myself wanting to send her an email about something I saw, usual joking things I did before. Felt sad and dumb that I couldn't. Sheesh. I wish ya luck MissKitty! You can do it.
  16. JonasWaingaro
    Don't be sorry! This is the place. *hugs* You will find you.
  17. JonasWaingaro
    Day 8 - Doing better this afternoon. Was not great this morning. Couldn't fall asleep last night, tosstosstossturnturnturn. Bleh. Woke up with a bad bad bad dream about her. Put me into a major funk right off the bat. Wow does that suck. I think my brain's turned against me. Wth. Better straighten up or it's an all beer diet for it! ](*,) I feel so unhealthy. I wish I could get my appetite back. I get hungry which is good. But I lack the desire to eat, which isn't good. That's a bummer. I need to drink a lot more. Being dehydrated all the time isn't helping my mood I'm sure. Anyhoo, having a hard today with not having my best friend around. I have so much to talk about with my best friend...but of course I can't. That's so danged frustrating. I can't believe I've lost both. No freakin; wonder I'm a mess! The person I need to talk to the most is the person I can't talk to at all. That isn't great. Hang in there everyone! The suck can't last forever....
  18. JonasWaingaro
    Yeah for sure, you are not alone. I'm in same place, so have no real advice, except hang in there! It's a bumpy ride. With lots of company. icyness - Really well said.
  19. JonasWaingaro
    Day 7 - Woohoo?! I have mixed feelings about that honestly. I am glad I made it 1 week since falling apart. It took a lot of effort for me. But I feel so helpless to my situation. As if I don't have a voice. Like I have no control, which I don't to a large degree. Oh well. What can I do? I know what I want to do.... NC is such a difficult time. Mainly because of time. I feel it slipping away. I get an overwhelming sense of DO something, anything. Just don't give up. Passively watching as nothing happens is driving me crazy! I only keep it up because I know she wanted space, a break. However something deep inside me says, 'do something'. I know she respects action and doesn't like inaction. Yet, here I am - not taking action. Gah. What in the world am I supposed to do? Go against every instinct in my body and keep this up, or do something. Damn this confusing. Lord help me I'm just not bright enough for all this. It's so odd to look to a future, to planning a future, so different to what was going to be. It's numbing. I'm trying to keep busy seeing what options I now have. It's not easy. I know I should think 'close one door, open a new one', of course I don't! That new door looks scary and not nearly as good. booo Another morning of stomach going crazy. Mornings are bad. By afternoon I'm almost...okay. Nights are getting not so great too. It takes me forever to fall sleep. I was falling asleep fine. Not sure what changed. No dreams I remember last night which is nice. I miss US. I miss her.
  20. JonasWaingaro
    Day 6 - A new record...and instead of happy I'm profoundly sad. I think I'm doing better then the dreaded mornings hit. Boo I had not one but two dreams of her last night. Both woke me up feelings like crap. Invading my dreams is so unfair. Can I have no peace?! I feel like crying and crying. I can't help but feel pathetic. I hate this. How can anyone just leave and forget me, and all the time we had together. How.... I don't want to be sad. I don't want to hurt any more. Good grief. I'm a mess.
  21. JonasWaingaro
    Yeah for sure, force yourself to eat. I've lost an incredible 15lbs already and I still don't eat enough. Keep a lot of easy foods around, like fruit. Healthy stuff. Drink a lot of water as well, dehydration can be a big problem I've found. Hang in there.
  22. JonasWaingaro
    Thank ya quirky girl. I'm trying. Your words do help.
  23. JonasWaingaro
    Day 5 - Feel sad. Couldn't get to sleep last night, and woke up in the funk again. Took a lot of energy to shower this morning. I can tell today is going to be difficult to maintain NC. I want to scream I'm still here and I love you! I want her to hear me. Hang in there looking4ward! Seems natural to go overboard, I know I have already. And probably will again, d'oh. Hang in there everyone!
  24. JonasWaingaro
    Hmm yeah I dunno, I know I'd have the same reaction though! FB is simply evil! /nod
  25. JonasWaingaro
    Day 4 Wow, not good at all this morning. Woke up in a panic, waves of hopelessness and sadness. I miss her and can't get it out of mind that she doesn't want me. The 'what if's' are strong this morning. I can't believe this all poured back on me. Feel weak and lonely, today will be difficult.
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