Seymore
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Everything posted by Seymore
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Me too. Congrats to you! It sounds like you're making quite the progress!
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Well, some people live by the "don't regret anything" code. My ex did, it was her freaking mantra. I personally don't regret leaving her one iota. She caused me too much pain for me to feel the same way about her again. I don't hate her, we just didn't work and I accept that. Sorry it's rough, fiffy. In my personal experience, I look at exes from over 10 years ago and remember the good, but still don't forget the bad. Not that there's complete animosity, but over time you don't see a relationship as "man, that was bad" or "man that was good"...you see the relationship as a whole - good feelings, ill feelings and all - as one that "just didn't work". I choose to look at the bad right now because it serves as a reminder of why I left, should I feel weak. It would be devastating if I went back, I'm certain, and would show a complete lack of self-respect in me. I respect myself so much more now. There were GREAT times, but they were very much overshadowed by the bad times. The further you get from the relationship, the more clear of a picture you have of it. I only regret the way one of my relationships ended, and that was years ago.
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Ambivalent is not the word I meant to use, sorry. Don't know why I wrote that instead. I meant indifferent, not ambivalent. It sounded to me like "Yep...good luck to you. I'm off to do this now, later." TMI, maybe, but any time I feel like I'm missing her, it's usually because my horniness is about to kick in. I watch porn once in a while to get an image in my head of a woman other than my ex, and afterwards, I feel much better.
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Time and NC, my friend. You were so used to being with someone that you miss it. I used the "phantom limb syndrome" comparison before - you cut off an arm, for a long period of time you feel like it's still there, but it's not. After all you went through with her, would you really want that back in your life? She sounds cold - that last text you got from her - cold and ambivalent. You're thinking about the sex as you said, and I'll bet that's what's partly clouding your mind. I think you want someone in your life, not necessarily her. You'll be better for it, man. 30 days is no easy task, and that's coming from someone who's around 30 himself.
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Because you were attached to her for a long period of time. I stopped counting the days of NC. I think it's been about 30 days, too. I don't even care to count. I have my weak days, too, especially when she tries to get in touch and talks about changing...I know better and don't respond. The quote from the Joker in The Dark Knight sticks in my mind: "There's no going back. You've changed things...forever." And that's what she did. All the chances I gave her, all the embarrassment and abuse she put me through - there's no returning from that. I don't want to go back. Sometimes I wonder what she's doing, but 90% of the time, I don't care. I'm doing well! I hope you stick to it and overcome, man!
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Liquid courage has me posting this, I never would otherwise: It was late in the evening you couldn't understand Why I said I had to just let you go All the pain that you caused me had allowed me to see that it just wasn't meant to be I'd hate me too if I was you I wouldn't get how, when or why And I just wouldn't see Why you couldn't let us be And why our love had to wither and die And I take every tear that I shed inside and bottle it up for a rainy day And I take but one sip and I realize That it just had to end in this way This day I understand I can't take you by the hand And just make you see what you'd meant to me You'd cut me so deep and I came back again to get cut 'til my heart just bled out And this empty shell that I'd become old hope became wonder and doubt Some day you might get it and hopefully thank God that I left you 'cause things will get better And you'll find that I loved you enough to let go 'cause it's rain that makes the grass grow Now it's late in the evening And I hope you let go from that feeling that just isn't there And I know that you'll hate me for now, but then maybe all that hate will turn into care One day you will learn that the world will still turn even if you will not be around and for the time that you're here lock away all your fear keep your head and your feet on the ground I wish you the best after all of this mess and I hope you find true love someday and when you hold his hand you just might understand why I meant it to end in this way.
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I was talking to a co-worker yesterday that I always used to joke around with before I met my ex. She asked what me and her were doing for New Year's. I told her about the break-up and she gave me a high five. She told me she hated my ex since I met her because since I met her, I'd changed, I was moving too fast and I was miserable, not wanting to talk to anyone at work. I didn't see it, but they all did. She said she hopes I feel better, and that she can't wait for the old me to return. Neither can I
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Hell yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Great job not replying! I shut my phone off, just in case. But I woke up and no text. I was a little sad, but I know she was thinking about me.
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That's actually a good way to think of it. Man, that way of thinking will give you strength...I'm glad you said that, because I remember the last New Year's Eve we spent together. I picked her up from the airport (she just flew back from seeing her family) and took her to my place, where I made a "Welcome home" sign for her and decorated my place with streamers and balloons. She walked in and her reaction was a lot less than I expected. She smiled and said thanks like it was something I'd been doing for her every day for the previous month. I mean, that's polite, but I felt like she really didn't care. I think tonight I'm gonna sleep through New Year's, like I used to. Grab a bottle of wine and celebrate a new beginning
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I had a moment like that, too last night. I fixed it quick by watching porn. Sounds nasty, but after having only the ex in my sexual life/fantasies for the last year (I literally never even thought of a another woman while dating her), I needed to turn those fantasies elsewhere, and porn was something I quit watching once I met her. It helped me realize there ARE other women out there. Not that I want to date a porn star, but it helped me feel like a GUY again...I felt like I was washing off all the helping her purse shop, waiting for her to get a manicure, sitting around while she picks out a wardrobe... I talked to my friend - he's got this perspective on relationships that I almost want, he doesn't take them so seriously for the first year. He does everything he wants and his girlfriend does what she wants, but they're committed to each other and do some things together. He still says that if she were to leave him, he'd find someone else in a few weeks, no big deal. It's like he's got this perfect balance of caring and not caring. Guess it came from experience, because he's had some really messed up gf's.
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Thanks, man. It's been oh....1 day since she called. Little over 1 day. But she e-mailed me yesterday morning too. I'm still coming to grips with the fact that she is no good for me. I have these weak moments (not so weak that I WANT to call though), and then I realized that I deserve better. It's like I don't want her to forget about me and move on, but I also don't want to be with her because I'll be miserable again. This was an emotionally abusive relationship and her issues are not going to be fixed in a matter of a couple of weeks.
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I figured I’d post this here since it doesn’t belong in breaking up anymore. Previous thread for background reference: In a nutshell, I got sick of the controlling, manipulating, anger problems, negativity and attitude, and to a lesser extent teasing with sex. I left her on Xmas eve after she showed me the door, and she’s been begging for me back every day since...sometimes nice, sometimes nasty. She even e-mailed my mom a winded letter about how she just wants me back. She left me a letter on Saturday morning after she got her stuff out, it said among other things that she was going to respect my wishes and stop contacting me. Last night she called me (literally, according to my call log) 114 times and texted saying she wouldn’t give up, said nasty things and called me names when I wouldn’t respond, etc., and this is after I requested NC twice. I told her I was blocking her number (ATT won’t let me though, unless I pay $4.99 a month, so I’m just ignoring her). Early this morning she sent a long e-mail to me saying she’s only acting crazy because she’s crazy about me and she’s hurting. She takes responsibility for what she’s done to me and wants to give me the love I deserve, without anger or attitude. Then she says this will be her final contact, saying she is going to spend the next couple of weeks working on herself and getting help and she won’t contact me before then. Then, this afternoon she had a box of cookies to my work with a note saying “Please forgive me” with a bible passage reference. She's done this before when she went off on me for trying to help her - she sent the same exact note with a bunch of flowers, so while it's nice, I literally have heard it before. Do I be polite and thank her for the cookies or keep ignoring her? If I respond then that opens the floodgates again, I'm thinking...but I want to be nice, all the same.
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I only see my girlfriend on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. We have sex 1-2 times during that period each week. I used to think it was less until I counted how many boxes of condoms I've gone through. I don't like having too much sex. The last girlfriend I had, we did it every day. She got addicted to it, and every time a conversation ran dry, it was all about sex. I injured my groin and my doctor told me not to have sex for 2 weeks, and my ex flipped out, made me feel guilty about it and it was a mess. It had become the basis for the relationship, and not a perk. My girlfriend made it clear that our relationship will not be about sex, and that we will take time to enjoy each other's company in various other ways, but the sex is the icing on the top, not the cake. I have no issue with that, and in fact, the anticipation makes it that much sweeter. Her sex drive isn't super high and neither is mine, but when we get in bed...well, let's just say that when we're done, the bed is on the other side of the room...literally!