feelingsad262

You say you're over him and don't miss him, but I'm not sure if that's 100% correct... To me, the answer's obvious; it's about owning. And not owning anymore. To me, it's like, even though I've broke up with my ex, and don't miss her anymore, I at need to know what's she's doing and at the same time NOT wanting to know what she's doing. Even though I don't love her anymore, I don't like the the fact that she's doing GREAT without me and may even be seeing someone. Just picturing that someone with her pisses me off, even if I'm completely over her. Why? I guess it's a sort of primal thing, the ownage relationship, she was MINE, but she's not anymore. So I often feel the same, it pisses me off to hear that my ex is doing great, is going out and having a lot of fun. Still, I cannot bring myself to stop finding out what she is doing, because I feel the need to know. Mostly, I would like to think that she misses me and wants me back, even if I don't want her back. I figure it's kind of an ego-thing. It's especially hard if the other one has moved on and met someone else, and you yourself haven't. I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way, I've heard many examples of people talking about their ex'es where the relationship ended years ago and still revealing bitterness in their voice when they tell me how well their ex'es are doing. It's not always easy dealing with the concept of having been everything to someone and no longer being just that. As I see it, that is what makes you feel like crap. And my best advice is, as long as you're really over him and don't want him; stay contactless. And if you someday miss him _as a friend_ and nothing more, re-establish the contact and see what happens. If you don't want him as your friend right now, why keep in touch? I usually make it a rule to cut the contact until I feel ready to be just friends, and nothing more. Which often takes longer than expected.

Well, with fear of taking my mouth full here, I think he's just showing off to you. Maybe he thinks you're better looking than her, and has been with her for long enough to "get used to her" and he's just forgetting how much his g/f means to him. The reason I'm saying this is because I think I've been exactly where this guy you're describing is. Not treating my girl respectfully because I know that she's there, but however, "investing" in other girls. It's a cynical thing to do, I know, but I guess that's just how guys work sometimes. Almost likea backup-plan. It's just like flirting in many ways. For all you know, when they're alone, he might be a completely different person. Only when you're around he wants to show off (because as I see it, that's basically what he does with those gestures you mentioned). I've seen plenty of guys do the same thing, guys in good relationships. Now, I don't know for how long they've been together or what their relationship is, but if this is something that has happened very recently and only when he's with you, I would dare say that he might like you a lot - because if I was in a bad relationship and was really keen on a another girl, I would do just these things in front of her to make a statement - but then again, be aware that his girlfriend would notice this behaviour in him every time you are around. If she doesen't react in any specific way when he does this I think it's safe to say that he's like this all the time, I definetly think you should keep clear of him. I mean, would you like to be in her position? If that's how he treats "the woman in his life", would you like to be that woman? Anyway, if this is something that really bothers you and you have feelings for this guy (which It might seem that you have, having posted this) my best advice would be to bring it up and talk to him about it. Not in away that suggests "maybe we should get together" but first in a casual way, and if he replies in a way that suggests he's not in a happy relationship, convince him that there's nothing to gain from such a situation and let him know how you're feeling. In the long run I think that would be the best for him, you, and his girlfriend. It doesen't sound like she's having much fun anyway... So you're right, "If he doesn't respect her then how can he "care" about her", and if this is true, which I guess is up to you to find out, then she can't be happy, he can't be happy, and you're not happy: you'd be doing everyone a favour by doing something about it. If that's what you want. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

First of all, you're definatly not being silly. And you're not a bad person, but I think you are treating your partner in a bad way. With that being said, i'd like to add that having these feelings are very common; I've talked to a lot of people who have had similar feelings and even been in relationships where the other has had such feelings. Which brings me to my first point; It's obvious you haven't tried talking to him about it, which can be a very hard thing to do. It's also obivous that there is something wrong with where you are right now, that this relationship isn't an ideal place to be. I think that the first thing you need to find out is, is it the relationship or is it simply you and your feelings? Is he treating you bad? Is it just not working out? Anyhow, it sounds to me as if there has to be something wrong - but if you love this guy (which it doesn't sound as if you do) the best thing to do is to muster up your courage and let him know how you feel. Believe me, If he cares for you I think he'll be glad that you told him insted of just running out on him. If you want this to work, that'll be the first logical step. However, if you really want out of this, again be honest with yourself and him and tell him the truth - break up with him. I can really relate to the fear of being alone, believe me, we all feel that from time to time, but staying in a relationship just because you're afraid to be alone will only end up hurting both him and you a lot more in the long run. I can imagine myself what it would be like to have been togehter with someone for so long and half the time the other person just wanted to get out of it - now THAT'S devastating. If you care for him at all, he deserves more. My advice is; first of all, try really hard to find out what you're feeling, what the cause of it is and where you would like to be right now. Once you're certain, make sure you're being perfectly honest with him, and yourself - and don't hold back. Heed your feelings. As for your fear of being alone, (and this sounds like a clichè) but it's true; you're not alone. There are people that love you and really care for you, and never forget that. Even though it might not be that obvious all the time. Being alone can sometimes be scary as hell, but hey, the truth is we all get used to it and come to enjoy it after a while. I'm sure you know what I mean. You might think I'm just babbling about things you already know too well here, but hey, clichès are clichès for a reason, and being honest is always the smarter thing to do since you will can never regret being honest. Stop hurting yourself and him, and do what you feel like you have to do. Rembember, your own feelings are the most precious thing that you've got and not heeding them can often be a big big mistake. And I think, deep inside, you know what you've got to do. I wish you good luck, and hope it all works out for you.

Greg, seriously, that's probably the best piece of advice i've ever received from anyone. Now I know what I have to do. Thank you.

I guess you get loads of these stories, well, here's another one about friendship and love: Ok, it's pretty basic but feels really complicated (like always); Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl, and girl seems to like boy. There's a little flirting, but nothing more. So we start to hang out a little more, and at some stage we agree on being 'just friends'. I do however sense that I might have some feelings for her, but I simply push them away, not letting them show. And I sometimes sense, by the things she has said and done, that the feeling might go both ways. Anyway, we were just hanging out, usually getting drunk together. Everything felt great, we communicated really well and were able to talk about almost everything. I wasn't it love with her, but there was something there. So I started getting questions from people, like "are you two together or what?" And I replied, "no" but adding that maybe I wouldn't mind being together with her. At some stage I got some advice telling me to test it out - make a little move on her, see how she reacts. If she really did want just friendship, she would probably state just that, if not, then I guess there might be a good chance. So that's basically what happened - one night when we were out, we both got a little physical, holding hands and such... I went home with her, and we got even more physical, no sex though, figured that was for the best. So everything seemed nice... But not that nice the day afterwards, things were a little awkward as they usually are the day after. So we didn't talk much about it, everything seemed cool though, but I guess we were both a little unsure about how we felt. However, I had let my guard down, and realized within the next few days that I had actually fallen in love with her.. REALLY fallen in love. So far she hasn't made contact at all, I tried texting her once but only got a short and cold reply, nothing to go on. So what should I do now? I mean, we had a really good thing going, and getting intimate once should not ruin that in my opinion. Why would she suddenly turn cold? I'm quite certain that I have not said nor done anything wrong. Right now it seems dead, and it makes me really really sad.. I miss her so. And I don't want to push her by starting to call or text her, I think I should give her some time. But what if nothing happens? What if she doesn't contact me anymore? And WHY would she do such a thing? I'm really confused about this. Why would anyone turn cold over such a thing? I would really like to receive some advice, or maybe something from someone who has experienced similar things could shed some light on this situation... I would really appreciate it. - Feeling sad.